BAD DAY

Yesterday, I had a meeting with my one of my VPs in AEA about our video shoot today. We agreed that i'd just bring a laptop and she'll send me the script. I brought the laptop and, unfortunately, she forgot to attach the file to the email. We had a meeting but had nothing to talk about. We just divided the work.

Evening came. I had a Fellowship Dinner in school and was home by 9pm. I checked ym and offered my assistance to her. I thought she was already in the finishing details of the script. But, she wasn't. She hasn't even started working on it because she just came home, too.

Anyhoo, we worked on the script until 12mn. We had all sorts of problems like the vidcam to be used to was no longer available, the props, etc. And because of someone's inefficiency, we didn't even have the proper venue to do this shoot.

I woke up 7am today. I badly wanted to stay in bed. I've not been sleeping well the whole week. By 7.30am, I was ready to go to school. I was just waiting for my mom to finish bathing. By, 8am, already stressed because I didn't want to be late for the shoot, I knocked on my mom's bathroom door. She wasn't riding with us all along! I waited 30mins for nothing. And my dad has been in the car since 7.30am. Nobody told me that my mom wasn't riding with us!

My dad blamed me. Me being me, I argued with him. And the argument really pissed me off.

I arrived late in school by around 15 mins. I never like being late especially when I am the one who called for the meeting. That's just rude. I don't want to waste other people's time.

On my way to MVP, i was planning on how to pretend to be fine and not pissed. I passed by OSA to check if somebody already got the key. A blockmate was there and gave me one of the saddest news for the year: there are only 50 incoming Eco majors, at most. 30 standard, and less than 20 honors. The department secretary told me last March that around 80 students have already confirmed! Now, this? How sad.

Also, we reserved the room til 4.30pm but Julie only gave us until 11.30am. Wow.

Then, I went upstairs to start the shoot. I tried my fucking best to not look stressed and all but I just couldn't. I saw a lot of people and just went straight ahead without greeting them. I'm not happy and I couldn't pretend to be.

A lot of people came late. Even the one of the "main actors" was late. We didn't start on time. We weren't prepared. This is one of my pet peeves as a "student leader." I really don't want to waste other people's time. I don't want to make them go to events that aren't worth their time. I don't want to force them to do stupid things. You make them go all the way to Ateneo at such an early time and then you'd come late and unprepared. I'm so ashamed of myself.

By 10.45am, the main actor came. We only had 45 mins left to shoot an entire scene and we didn't even have a complete script yet. OMG. Shit. We just improvised shit.

We finished shooting around 3.30pm. And I have not eaten the whole day.

Just imagine how foul my mood was the whole day.

I am tired. I am frustrated. I am ashamed. I don't feel well. I wanna say sorry to all those that I've maltreated today.

School/ AEA Work is Demanding My Attention

I feel ashamed towards my EVP. She has been doing all my "work." It's time that I handle more of them.

Everynight, I try my best to pull all the strings together. I try to communicate with everyone I need communicate with. I fix all the details and update myself with AEA stuff. BUT, it's so difficult to be so far away from "homebase."

Today, I had a lunch mtg here in Makati for AEA with an alumni now working in the Private Scandinavian Sparkasse. It's a forex trading company that's offering a project to AEA. AS if i understand, Forex trading. I just pretended to understand him.

Tomorrow, I'll go home to QC! YAY! I'll have dinner with Sanggu to discuss SOSS' projects that might involve AEA. I am excited for this. I bet it'll be fun.

On friday, I won't go to work coz we'll shoot a video for a project. I'm sooooooo not ready to dance. HAHAHA

Saturday MIGHT be my rest day. I'm hoping nothing pops up.

Boss Qualms

My boss was a bit bitchy and sad today. She wasn't her usual self. As soon as she arrived, she got a marker and wrote all our tasks for today.

My partner had to encode all the data he has gathered that past 3 days. "Anong oras na diyan (sa laptop)?", she asked.

"9:09am, ma'am."

"10.09am. You only have 10.09am only to finish that." Bwisit.

My turn..

"You need to make 10 successful calls by lunch time."

"Okay."

Lunch time came. I was hungry. I left for lunch with only 6 successful calls. A successful call means I've gotten the name of the HR manager, email add, company address, and personnel base. I usually make 80 calls a day. Of the 80 calls, i usually have around 6-8 successful calls a day.

By 4pm, she made a phone call to us. After the phone call, "Kris, you need 20 successful calls by today.", my partner said. I only had 7 by this time.

I got pissed. I stopped working and stared at the parade along Ayala Ave. Hello, 16 successful calls was the highest I ever got! My usual is 6-8 a day.

"When she calls again tell her I'm not working and that I'm watching the parade! I don't wanna work anymore!", I told my partner.

BVnessssss. I had 11 successful calls only today and I don't care if she's disappointed. You're not paying me.

Emo Attack

"please make me understand, papano mo nasasabing mahal mo ang isang tao, kung wala syang nakikitang pagmamalasakit sayo? papano ako magkakaron ng dahilang maging mas mabuting tao, kung sa bawat galaw nya nararamdaman kong wala akong kwenta at hindi worthy na mahalin? OO, EMO.

i feel that a part of me is dead, and i cannot find any way to get the old me back. i miss the old me. i miss the me i was. please, make me understand. how can love be this painful? how can love be so contradictory? how can you tell me one thing and act the other? make me understand, please. anyone, make me understand. :(" - from a friend.

People around me are going emo. And I'm gravely affected. When I read that, I got emo big time. Shit. Sigh.

Must keep my mind sane. Must keep my self busy.

I Missed Home

It's been 2 weeks since I've gone home to QC. Now, I'm here. Yipeeeee.

I missed my roooooooooom. It's unique smell. My bed! My room is Makati is like half of my room here. This one's much more comfy.Shet. I miss my airconnnnnnn. I missed my banyo. HAHA. And, I miss my snack stash. Though, I left the key to the cabinet in Makati. Boooooo.

I missed my dad's (yes, my dad's the one who cooks here) cooking. Sorta. I'll decide tomorrow if I really did miss it. haha. I miss the "taste" of our water. I miss making the pantry and fridge empty. It's sooooo full now. Tomorrow, i'll change that. HAHA

I missed the noise of my family. Suuuuuuuper noisy. HAHAHA.

I missed not doing any household chores. I wash my own dishes, clean my own room, and fix my own bed in Makati. Here, I don't normally do those stuff. At least, for the 2 days i'd be staying here, I can rest from those. haha

I miss my friends. I hope to see you all soon.

OJT Experience

Work is tiring. Grabe. I start 8:30am and end by 5:30pm. It only takes me 10-15mins to go to work and back. I love that. I can sleep a LOT. haha Usually, after work, I go to Glorietta to steal wi-fi from Gloria Jean's and to have dinner.

My boss is nice. My officemates are also nice but they're all busy. I don't usually talk to them because we are all busy. Huhuhu. I love our office but security is really tight and I don't have an ID yet so I don't have access to any of the rooms.

Aaaaaaaaaaah. I just regret the fact that I don't have the time to watch TV and see all that's happening with the Davids in the country. I can't wait for the concert tomorrow!!

This is so not cohesive. I'll blog again when my brain gets some rest. haha

BV Day

Bad Vibes. Whattaday. Fart.

I started pretty well, actually. My mom forced me to eat breakfast and I obliged because I wanna save up. Amazingly, there was no traffic build-up along EDSA. We found the Tycoon Building easily. I arrived pretty early for the training; 1 hour and 30 minutes early. I even had yogurt at Ministop for breakfast number 2. Yum yum. Also, I was giddy this morning because I was texting my blockmate. I discovered last night that the “booboo” actually made impact. HAHA. For those who think they get the joke, hush hush. haha

Then, it went downhill from there.

BV 1: Since I was early, I decided to chill at the Mcdo in the building. Chill is the word because I didn’t want to spend money for food. I got my iPod and found out that all the files were lost. I left the iPod connected to the laptop over night and for some reason all the songs/ videos were gone.

BV 2: After waiting for an hour or so, I go up to the 14th floor. Security was tight. I wasn’t allowed in the room until our trainer arrived. I had to wait for 45 minutes more outside the room for her to arrive. Take note, no chair or fan/ aircon.

BV 3: The trainer extended our 3-day training to 4 days. I don’t like it in our office in Ortigas. It’s old and security is really tight. No bags/ food/ cellphones are allowed inside the office. We had to leave everything with the guard. Furthermore, you cannot leave the office with any piece of paper with you for the security of the clients, supposedly.

BV 4: The trainer said that I and my partner should have attended only the last 2 days. Unfortunately, the HR dept. of the Makati Branch, said that we attend the whole 3 (turned 4) days. And since we were there already, the trainer said we might as well stay the whole duration.

BV 5: The training ended by 2:30pm with an exam. I asked my co-trainees how to get to the nearest MRT station. They walked me to the Shaw Station. It was not that far. Then from Shaw, I had to go to Ayala to submit some documents. From the Ayala Station, I walked all the way to Standard Chartered and back. It was hell. Suuuuuuuuuper far. I walked because I don’t know still how to ride the jeep from the station to my office. And I didn’t want to take a cab to and back the office because that would cost me around 160PHP. My mom only gave me 500PHP for the day and because I was trying to save up, I didn’t want to spend it all.


BV 6: Walking to SCB, I took the wrong underpass and got lost. I was on the wrong side of the street but I kept walking farther. I reached Manila Pen and realized I was lost. Major fail: there was no underpass in front of Manila Pen so I had to go around the whole block. It took me 45 minutes to walk from the Station to Standard Chartered.

BV 7: I texted my dad that we meet up in Quezon Ave so I can hitch with him. He told me he was in Discovery Suites so I said I’ll just go there. After a few minutes, he texted me that he might leave Discovery already so we should just meet up in Quezon Ave. I went straight there and waited for 45 minutes only to find out that he’s still in Discovery. My blood pressure shot up! I said that he should leave Discovery immediately and I’ll just wait for him there. But no, he couldn’t some of his friends rode with him so he still has to bring them back to his office. I just took a cab home and cost me 150PHP.

BV 8: I took a bath as soon as I got home. My feet felt mahapdi. My heel was bleeding. The skin was peeling off of both my feet. And the soles were also painful. Too much walking.

BV 9: I was only able to save 50PHP. Weeeeeeee. Shit. 150PHP for food. 150PHP for the cab ride. And 100PHP for the MRT card. It just makes me wonder how the heck do minimum wage earners survive with that little money? I spent more than what I could possibly be earning for this job in a day.

Everyone at home is trying to appease me. They can really tell that I am so BV. I got all sorts of consoling messages and offers to dine out. But no, nothing can make me feel better now. Fart.

Random Much

It is very, very, very important for every Junior and Senior to get a low random number. It will determine whether you will be able to get good professors or not. And, for me (and all those who have Thesis in their Senior year), it will determine whether we'll be able to get into a Thesis class in the 1st semester. The second sem is shorter and has a heavier load so most prefer to do it during the 1st sem.

Random numbers were out today. I got 367. My thesis partner got 574. I dunno if we'll be able to get a 1st sem Thesis class. I am kinda hoping that my 367 will get us into one but that would most likely mean that we won't get the adviser that we want.

Well, if we don't get into a 1st sem thesis class, there's always Ate Sai to save me. haha. Why waste such a good connection? Ate Sai, get me the classes I want. haha.

I'm just hoping for the best.

***
I am sooooooo missing someone. I just browsed thru some pics and my heart sank. Fart. haha

***
My mom doesn't seem too keen about me living in Makati. Until Wednesday, I'll still be living in QC since I still have training in Ortigas before I work in Makati. She said it's better that I stay here first. Hopefully, by Thursday, they'll allow me to live in Makati coz commuting from there to here is hell.

Low

Low on money: Thanks to Cook/ Archuleta and AEA. I've got only around 20pesos in wallet left. Haha. Poverty! Aside from that, I've been going to malls and dining out more often. And today, I spent the last few bills that I have to bowl/ eat with AEA. Loved it. I'll try to spend less and start saving up again. I just need to wait a few more days (hopefully) to get my reimbursement and i'll be okay again. haha

Low on happiness: Lack of inspiration. Nuff said. Same old shit.

Low on energy: I've been sooooooo busy the past few days. Deadly combination of waking up early and staying up late. Last Thursday, I was so tired that I wasn't able to see Allison off of Idol. Huhuhu. Yesterday, I went to school to fix some documents for my OJT and AEA. Then, I had a meeting until 9.45pm. I was so pissed as I was going home because I wanted to sleep already. But no, I still had to finish and submit the requirements for the Recweek Manual. Slept at around 12mn.

Today, woke up by 6:30am. I had the following to do:

8am-12nn COA Open House
8:30am-12nn AEA Proj Head Training
12nn- 4pm AEA Execom UBE
1pm-4pm Recweek GA
5pm- 8pm IPA meeting.

I went to the Open House first and stayed there til 8:30am. Then, went to the Proj Head training. It was fun but the team was sorta unprepared. By 11:20am-ish, the training was over and we had a meeting til 12nn. By 12nn-ish, we were off to Eastwood. Fun, fun, fun. Though, I had to ditch the Recweek GA. I don't care. haha

Back to Katip by 4:45pm for the IPA meeting. I, honestly, enjoy cluster meetings. The other presidents and representatives are fun. I feel at ease with them. And I love "bickering" with the A-Stat president. HAHAHA. But, I always end up sabaw during cluster meeting. My god. I swear. My brain becomes soup every time. The meeting was over by 8:30pm.

Tomorrow will be a long day. I am not certain yet if I'll move to Makati tomorrow since I'll still have training for my OJT in Ortigas until Wednesday. I just might move to Makati on Wednesday evening. I dunno. We'll see. But if I'll move tomorrow, it will entain a lot of packing and carrying loads of stuff. Also, I have to have a haircut, shop for clothes and toiletries, and have my ID pic taken.

Low on reasoning skills: I confirmed today that a friend of mine felt bad about a decision I made (for her). I've been having this feeling that she's mad at me since Tuesday and today, the first moment I saw her, I knew something was wrong.

Here's the story: She asked my opinion about something. I told her it's a bad idea coz she might not be able to handle it. But, I told her that if she wants to pursue it, go for it. She didn't. Then recently, I did what I told her not to do. I know, I sound like an asshole. But, honestly, I am just looking out for her sake. Argh. I can't explain myself without revealing too much. For brevity, I told her not to do it because I care for her.

I was casually trying to feel if she was really pissed at me. Casually, i asked her if she was pissed at me. "Do you really want me to answer your question?", she replied. The bomb. haha. As I was trying to explain my side, she just told me to change the topic.

As the day went on, I didn't feel weird or awkward towards her. She was the same towards me. The dynamics of our relationship was as good as ever. I dunno. I just hope that she just loves me too much that she has forgiven me already or something. haha

Tired

I got a call yesterday from Standard Chartered. They needed to see me again today for another interview. So, today, I went there again. Only, this time, no one was available to bring me to Makati so I had to ride the MRT. Hell. MRT is hell. People who ride the MRT are barbarics. Well, as they say, when in Rome do as the Romans do. So, I became barbaric too and forced myself into that train. Shet. It was so cramped that I couldn't move my arms. Shet.


Anyhoo, I arrived 30 minutes before my schedule. Unfortanely, by interview was pushed back by around 30 minutes. I waited for 1 hour pretending to be interested to read SC's annual reports. haha. My interview was kinda okay. Not as well as the 1st one. After the interview, they made me wait. I got the Internship. They made me fill out all sorts of documents and contracts already. Yay. I think I'll really like my boss. I'll start working on Monday.

After filling up all the documents, I was off to Glorietta. Unfortunately, I couldn't get a cab in front of SC so I decided to walk all the way to Glorietta. It was far. And it was raining. Bad decision. Roamed a bit then off to Trinoma.

I met up with a friend and had "shopping." I don't think we can call that shopping. haha. Anyhoo, my sister was also in Trinoma and she was begging me to ditch my freind and accompany her. I declined, of course. I asked my friend that we move to the Block so we can avoid my sister.

In the Block, we did nothing. As usual. haha. Oooooooooh. I finally got to buy my ticket to the Cook/ Archuleta concert on the 16th. I'm excited!! haha. After a few minutes, we went back to Trinoma and by 4:30pm I left my friend because my sister was really pitiful. Joke. haha. She was in Trinoma since 11am and was alone the whole time.

Anyhoo, my sister and I did all sorts of things: Time Zone, eat, walk, shop for by niece's baby clothes, and eat some more. By 6pm, my mom arrived and more baby stuff happened. We left the mall by 8pm.

My feet hurt so bad. I wanna cut them off. haha I was wearing my leather shoes the whole time and it was really, really, really painful.

I'm excited to work for SC starting Monday. Though, that would also mean that starting Monday, I'll be living in Makati. Though, talk to me by Tuesday and Wednesday and for sure I'd be hating my OJT. haha

Day of Firsts

1st experience of Makati rush hour. It took me 1 hour and 45 minutes to get to Standard Chartered and 1 hour and 40 minutes to go back to QC.

1st breakfast at Starbucks. I don't really eat breakfast but I was too nervous this morning so I ate at the branch in Standard Chartered.

1st Job Interview. It was only about 13 minutes long. I think I did well. The only chance of me not getting the job is if the other applicants did better. I did nothing wrong e. haha

The interviewer said, "The job fits you perfectly coz you talk a lot." NO, i was shy pa during the interview. Meet me when we are close friends na. HAHA.

"I can see that you really are a people person." Thanks ma'am. haha IKR. haha

"I can sense that you are a leader." Wushooooooo. I wasn't overbearing during the interview.

Side note: They don't give allowances for their interns. Booooo. haha

1st PUB ride alone. It was scary but fun because I got to see all the places I wanna go to if I get the job. haha. This got me excited about the OJT. I swear, if I get the OJT, i'll go to every mall that I saw today. Bored much.

1st movie to watch alone. After my interview, I went to the mall. It just sad that Glorietta was still closed when I finished the interview. Anyhoo, I watched 17 Again. HAHA. It was an amazing sight to see the looooooooong line of Senior Citizens for Fushcia. While in 17 Again, there were only around 10 people in the entire cinema house.

1st time to encash cheques for me. I was running low on budget then I realized that I got cheques in my wallet waiting to be encashed. And so I did.

Weeeee. I'm excited about working for Standard Chartered. I am hoping that I get the job but not really expecting that I'll it. I've been extra "adventurous" lately so I wanna explore more of Makati. haha

Friends Before Work

Fucker. I forgot a looooooooooooot of things that I had to do because I opted to hang-out with my friends. And, yeah, they helped me out naman with some of the things that I had to do. Besides, it's sooooooooo worth it. I had fun. Really, it's my bad. And, right before going home, I went shopping with my mom pa. hahaha

BUT, now, it's hell. Stressful much.

One, I forgot to print my CV which I need tomorrow for the Standard Chartered interview.

Two, I forgot to work on and email the RecWeek requirements.

Three, I forgot to fix the project head training

Four, I have yet to study the Standard Chartered VMO and Principles.

Five, I have yet to start on the Project Head manual.

That's it, hopefully. Not much naman pala. I'm stressing over nothing. haha

I love thy "work" but I love thy friends more. haha

Future

Short-term: I got a call from Standard Chartered while I was bathing. haha. They want me for an interview tomorrow. I hope I do well. I'm excited about this. If I get in, the next month would be so different. I'll probably live in Makati and not be in Ateneo so often. haha Of course, I'll try to balance it with my AEA work.

Medium Term: Last night, I was talking to my parents about how I ditched IBM a couple of months ago because my mom didn't want me to go there. Then, I suddenly told them what I've been wanting to do after grad: leave the country to work. It's not that I don't want to work here; I just want to gain my independence and start all over again. I'm eyeing Thailand, Singapore, or Malaysia for now. I want the country to be near the Philippines so I can easily go back here if I get lonely or whatsoever.

"Iiwan mo na kami", momma said.

"EXACTY my point! Hahaha", I joked.

Well, I was surprised that they were supportive of it. And, I asked my mom to compile all her contacts since she works for an international org that has offices all over Asia. Weeeeee. I am sooo exicted about this. I wanna grad na.

That's just plan A. Plan B is to learn more Eco for the next two years after grad. Boring but this can really help my resume.

Long Term: Have a family and be effin' happy!

DISCLAIMER: All of this can change. It only takes ____ person(s) to tell me to change my plans. But, I'll try to follow my brain not my heart. haha

It's time I live my life for me.

Back To Old Habits

When you think you're doing so well(not necessarily good; but okay), it's so easy to be caught up with your okayness and be complacent about things and life.

Then, suddenly, something just has to remind you that you're not okay and not doing okay, it forces you to back to old habit; habits that you've tried to learn to forget.

It just sucks that I have to be reminded that I am not okay. It sucks that no matter how hard I try to forget, i get constant reminders. It sucks that I thought I've learned to forget but you just had to remind me why I can't forget and you just had to make me feel envious. I am envious that you are okay. I am stupid for being envious. Blah blah blah.

I am human. I get disheartened easily.