Dilemmas

Shit. I haven't blogged in a loooooong while. HAHA

Since it's been difficult (and tiring!) to look for a job, I am finally thinking about giving in to what my mom wants: more school. I've been searching online the past few weeks about programs and schools. I am so confused. Finally, I can admit, I dunno what to fucking do with my life. Will I be 063574 again? Or another school would be better? What am I going to take up? MA in Economics? Law School? Culinary School? An MA in something else??

This all started when I told my mom I had an interview for a company. "Just go to school next semester. You've already wasted a semester." Yes, I agree. HAHA School is the most feasible and practical thing to do coz (a) it's difficult to find a decent job and (b)I won't get paid well anyway. I think my allowance to school would be slightly less than what I'd be earning a day.

I dread going to job applications/exams/interviews. So when my mom told me that, I just decided that I'll stop looking for a job. HAHA This week, I've ditched 4 comapanies. Part of me knows that this is probably a flash in the pan. And that just makes me more confused.

More mind boggling shit:

The only school that will readily accept me next semester would be the Economics Department of Ateneo. I've looked at the curriculum and it seems, ummm, manageable? However, the thought of going thru Statistics and Metrics again is scaring the shit out of me. Though, part of me thinks that this just might be the perfect time to redeem myself. HAHA BUT, what if I don't? What if I suck at it more?

Law school. This is what my mom wants. But hello, this would be by June 2011! I've always wanted to be a lawyer until Junior year (?) when I just got so lazy and decided that more school would be bleh. AND, the fact that all the pressure from family that I be a lawyer just sucks. The rebel in me does not want to go law school just coz. But, in reality, I still kinda want it, I think. But heck, I don't like my parents/uncle/aunts/lolos/lolas (UMMMMM, everyone) telling me to go to law school.

I hate the fact that everyone's forcing me to go to law school just coz I knew as a child that I wanted to be a lawyer. It's like everyone's been conditioned to condition me to go to law school. That just sucks and I dunno why. HAHA Rebel me.

Culinary school seems fun! However, it's costly and I just dunno if I really want it. And I was looking at the app form, I need to take written exams and pre-school courses. WTF. I didn't know it's serious like that.

And, yeah, i forgot to tell you that the Economics Department will take me in no matter what coz I'm an alumnus. No exams/ shit. So it's really easy to get in. I dunno about the staying there.

And other MA's in other departments just won't accept me readily. I have to take the qualifying test and I might have to take extra non-degree classes which is soooooo bleh. It seems like I'm stuck in Economics if I decide to pursue an MA.

BUT! There's an MBA in the Professional Schools which takes in fresh graduates. I just don't know if they accept students during the 2nd semester. I'll call them up tomorrow to ask.

See? I dunno what to do with my life. HAHA And did I mention it's 4am? And that I always think about shit like this every night before I sleep. Not healthy.

And, I know Imma regret blogging about it tomorrow coz I know, by tomorrow, I've probably changed my mind again. Eeeeeeep. So indecisive. So unsure. So lost. I hate it.

Pre-Birthday Blues

HAHA. I dunno. I'm just scared to spend my birthday without a social construct aside from family. HAHA Must. Stay. Positive. hahaha

It feels weird. There's just not much to look forward to.