Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Random Shiz

I just woke up today and felt so evil(?). I realized how much different I am from whatever I was back in HS and the earlier parts of college. And it's kinda discomforting.

I feel like such an evil person. HAHA I haven't really been a good friend to people. I used to be pleasant (at least) towards others. I always wore that big smile. I was a friendly person. Recently, however, I dunno, I feel like something's changed. I'm more evil?

I think I've become the type to (a) prejudge people then (b) think if I wanna be their friend then (c) love 'em or shun 'em. Most of the time, I think (emphasis on think), I am a good judge of character. However, I now feel like I need to give everyone a chance.

Okay. My head is starting to have random thoughts like:
(a) I am kinda nice alone
(b) I up my evilness when I'm in my comfort zone/group
(c) I don't give people enough chances
(d) However, the current state, ironically, gives me more leeway and power (vague).
(e) I am, still, a controlling and scheming person. HAHA (Why did I just type that?)
(f) If you read this, ummmmmmm, let's stay friends, okay? HAHA
(g) It's really better to be my friend than my enemy.
(h) ^ That sounded so egoistic.

'Nuff said. Part of me wants to change.

Monday, September 6, 2010


I've always believed that I can always manage to get by. I can always do things that I want. I believed that I can.

Right now, gaaaah, I'm in the "everything-is-so-overwhelming" phase. Every little thing feels so major. Everything feels so heavy; so important. Every little decision seems so important. Examples: what time do I wake up, should I go out today, when will I do this, when will I do that, etc. Etc. I feel like I'm walking on really thin ice. I feel like one wrong move and everything will falter. Gaaaaah. I can't explain myself. I just feel lost. HAHA

Making a "wrong" decision now, would spiral to more "wrong" things happening. And that pressure (out of nowhere?) is mounting, for some reason. I don't want to make a wrong decision now that will cause more wrong things to happen.

Ugh. Life's so bleh lately. BLEH. I love this word. I just want a sense of normalcy and routine (This. Is. A. First.) back. HAHA