Tuesday, December 8, 2009


I'm super duper excited for Immersion. It's gonna be a good respite. I need one. We all need one from all the shit that's been happening.

I'm going on immersion this weekend in Quezon. We'll live in a Fishing Community. We're going to fish! I'm really excited. It's gonna be fun especially because I'm going to be with people I love. Though, the other groups seem to be composed of big brats. I hope they're not. It's gonna be irritating to live with them if so.

This semester is really heavy, not because it's difficult, because everyone's just really lazzzzzzzzzy.

I'm not gonna worry about anything during immersion. I'm gonna forget everything and enjoy the experience. Though, when we get back to Manila on Sunday, the week's gonna be crazy. Eff thesis.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


Things have been crazy lately. I feel like i don't know who I am. I've done things that I never thought I would do. I never thought I was like this. I've made decisions that are against my "principles" to keep my sanity. I just dunno where I stand now. I don't know where I am heading. I don't know how I ended up like this. I am so unsure of everything. I am so unsure of myself.

Monday, November 23, 2009



What are you doing to me? I don't think I can handle it anymore. My chest feels so heavy and ready to explode anytime. Everything around me seems so fucked up. I feel so fucked up. Everything I see reminds me of my pain.

Was it ever your plan to do this to me? Am I really strong enough to take all of this and come out of it alive? I dunno. Right now I feel like giving up. I wanna cry and tell the world how I feel.

I have a lot of things to do. Acads, mostly. And yet, all of my attempts to do them would just be futile coz i can't find the heart to do them. I am disturbed. I am disturbed at every vision of things that remind me. I am bothered by every sight of everything.

I just wanna be honest. I just want to make me feel better. I just want to feel loved. I just want to be happy. I just you to know. I just want to talk and cry my heart out but I fear that no one would understand. I just want to go back to the days of simplicity and happiness.

Tonight, as i sleep, i wish i dream of those days. I wanna remember the good days coz we've all been messed up lately. Those days when nothing could bring us down.

I love you.


Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Sense of Urgency

I've lost my sense of urgency this sem. Nothing seems important enough to make me wanna move. It's 3am and I have only read a very, very, very small percentage of my Philo readings and I have an oral exam tomorrow. And I still don't feel the pressure.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


I just feel so defeated. I said last week that I'm gonna be back: happy and witty. I guess, today was just a real bummer.

I was busy with doing thesis last night 'til 2am. I never expected that it was gonna be really difficult. We were warned that it would be difficult but we were just so lost. We didn't know what we were doing but we really tried our best.

We printed the topic proposal and the RRL-ish thing by 2pm. We submitted by 3pm. Our adviser breezed through it. Made comments such as "ang bigat naman nito" and that was it. He didn't get to read the real substance of our paper! He just judged the whole thing by reading the 1st sentence of every paragraph. That got me BV.

He returned it by the end of class with no comments and told us that he wouldn't grade our papers anymore.

I feel like we wasted our efforts.

Monday, October 19, 2009


Sorry if I haven't been posting any blogs lately. I'm just waiting for things to be better because I don't want to post another emo blog. I don't wanna dwell on emo shit now. I'll blog as soon as i feel better or good enough to take things.

Oh. Atleast, I have COA and AEA evsems to look forward to this week.

Monday, October 12, 2009

The Condo

On our way home last night, my mom asked me, "Where do you want the condo? Makati or Ortigas?"

I was dumbfounded. I didn't know what she was pertaining too.

"Depende kung saan ka magtatarabaho. Makati or Ortigas?", dad buts in.

I was silent.

"Sabihin mo na ngayon para maayos na namin habang maaga pa.", mom tells me.

"Eh. Find me work abroad!"

From there, it went downhill. My mom really wants me to stay here. She told me to stay for a year more to gain experience and shit. She just can't accept that I'm leaving. The condo is the bribe to make me stay. It would really be better to have a condo than to stay at our house which is really far from civilization.

Makes me wonder: Why am I going to give up the "good" life for something so uncertain like living alone abroad? Growth, I say.

Saturday, October 10, 2009


Here's what up with my grades:


B+ in Histo. Yay! Didn't expect that.

C in Philo. Sucks like shit coz I know I'm good in Philo. BV but it's really my fault. haha

C in Theo. Better than expected but I'm still hoping for a C+.

Hoping for:

B+ in Polsci. Highly possible.

B+ in Capdev. Krung-krung professor not sure but possible.

B+ in IPE. Same reason as above.

Aaaaaaaaah. I am not sure though with these grades. Hope this works out well.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Thesis Time

My partner and I have exactly 3 months to finish our thesis next sem. We already know who our adviser will be. He's the only one next sem. His name is Victor Venida, grad of London School of Economics and New York University. They say he's gay and very strict. My partner and I are dead!

Moreover, he's Marxist and we are thinking about making a Marxist thesis just to please him but we're scared that we can't pull it off.

I'm sooooooo excited for thesis. Finally, we can relate to the stories that our blockmates have been sharing with us. I know it's gonna be difficult. I know I'll be spending less time with friends. I know that we'll probably fight. It's just so exciting coz this will serve as the synthesis of my college Eco life.


People are starting to constantly remind me that I am graduating.

"Paano na ko kung wala ka? Natatakot nga ako e."

"Grabe. Mamimiss kita pag graduate mo."

"For sure, mamimiss mo siya pag gradate mo."

"Ano kayang mangyayari pag wala na kayo?"

BV. I dunno if they are serious or just trying to get me into a Senior Syndrome mode. But, somehow, I am not anxious about it. I am excited. I wanna go out there, finally. Though, I'll really miss a lot of people. I won't miss Ateneo. I will miss everyone in it. But, for sure, I'll get over it.

Yes, I am graduating (in 5 full months.)

Wait, I have to finish thesis first in 3 months. Best thesis award here we come!! HAHAHAHA

Wednesday, October 7, 2009


I had a fight with my mom last Monday. It's really petty. She had an appointment with the doctor by 9am. This means we had to leave home by 7.30am. I decided to go to school early and ride with them coz I still had to read stuff for Histo.

We fought because she was so BV early in the morning and so I was. She banged on my door like crazy. I shunned her and tell her to leave already. That's the gist. It really is petty. I commuted that day to school.

By afternoon, she was texting me crazy to try to appease me. I didn't ride with them home coz I drank with some friends. They though I was making drama.

Up to now I'm still not talking to her. I'm trying to push my luck. HAHA

Monday, October 5, 2009


Today was a day of revelations and I'm just flabbergasted by them. Astonished, up to now.

Well, the first one is a shocker of sorts but this made me really happy. I got a B+ for Histo. My 1st LT was just a C so I'm just really happy that my final grade turned out to be that. Weeeeeeee.

Second, I had lunch with a few blockmates. I can't really reveal what has happened but this was something we expected for a long time already. We knew this would happen but we didn't want it to happen coz tears would be shed.

Anyhoo, some tears were shed over lunch. I won't tell from whom. Such a shame that people actually cry in the cafeteria. Nobody expected those though coz it stems from a totally different topic. This will lead to the 4th revelation.

Third, after lunch I went back to the AEA room. I talked to one of the people there because everyone had their own business but this person. I asked if she was alright. She seemed lonelier than usual.

She started sharing that she feels that she doesn't matter. Hello, same sentiments. Go a few posts back. HAHAHA

I popped an amazing question eventually: "Don't you feel as though people just talk/ notice to you when they're alone and have no one else to talk to?" There it went downhill. The answer was a yes and I think we agree (though not uttered) about whom we're pertaining to. Or not. Really not sure. HAHA

Fourth, some friends and I had a drinking session after a few hours. Just to release a few problems. Yes, a lot of us had problems. Big ones.

I started querying to a friend about one of us there. Somebody seemed quiet and aloof when a topic was raised. And there, KABOOM. The biggest secret of the day was revealed. Sorry, I can't share even though I really want to.

Love is a crazy thing.

Sunday, October 4, 2009


Glee weekend! HAHAHA

I watched the 5 episodes of Glee over and over again this weekend. I keep on having another "that's why" moment every time I watch an episode. The plot is rich (or maybe I just really like it.)

I started from the 5th episode down. I know it's weird but I liked it better that way. IF I watched episode 1 or 2 first I would not watch this series at all! My fave is episode 4, as of now. Hell funny. Weeeeeeeee.

I'm excited for the next episodes! Can't wait. Besides, it's keeping me from thinking about stupid things and ingrates.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

2nd Best

It sucks to be 2nd best when for the longest time you thought you were 1st. There was a time when I left number 1. You made me believe I was. Slowly, I started to doubt my rank. Then again, I was hoping that deep inside I was still first. It's hard to accept failure when you were giving it your all. I'm starting to think that I wasted all that time trying.

I thought I was the best for you. I guess I lost the est. I'm just B. Rated B.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Making People Matter

I went to Ateneo today to help out in the Task Force Ondoy. I did a lot but not much compared to the other people. And I complained a lot. I'm sorry! I was there 10am-10.30pm. I'm really tired now. And, no, I'm not claiming that I worked all that time. A lot of time was spent on eating and sitting down doing nothing. haha

Anyhoo, we had dinner by 8pm and went back by 9pm. By 9pm, I was too tired to work. I had no energy left to do anything. I sat on the sidelines with a friend. I complained that I feel that I no longer matter. I can just graduate and nobody would bother to care. Nothing would change if I suddenly disappear. Everything would be normal. But, this post is not about that. She asked me if I made feel the people who matter to me that they matter?

No. I think I rarely show that I care. I'm too busy complaining about my life. I'm too everywhere to notice things. I'm too busy busying myself with things that don't really matter. I'm too boxed by what my notion of care or love is.

From today on, I'll try to make you feel that you matter to me.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Random Ish

I've had this drawer in my room that has failed to open since May/June. The key just doesn't work. I've been trying to open it since forever using all means possible. I was desperate to open it. I had nothing to do so I forced it open with a pair of scissors. I hacked the scissors in the keyhole like crazy. Then, I tried the key. It worked. Weeeeeee. I got it open.

Anyhoo, I saw my 2008 journal inside. What do I do when I see my journal? Read every freaking page and detail. So much memories in there.

"____ texted me in the middle of the night just to tell me that she misses me."
"Lonely-alone day. :|"
"I was so happy to see them. :D"
"RockBand Funnnnnnnnnnnn. I love the Freshmen. Though, I cut Philo, again. :|"
"1st sem finals week: I'm so depressed. Everyone is depressed."
"Somebody misses me. And the feeling is mutual."

I got myself depressed.

The typhoon is driving everyone crazy. Nope, our house wasn't flooded. Oddly, it was reported on the radio that houses in our subdivision are all flooded. Anyhoo, we didn't have cable and net by midday with sudden electricity fails in the afternoon.

Here's how it affected us:
My sister is stuck in a friends house.
Our house in Makati is flooded. The 1st floor is submerged apparently in flood water.
My other sister didn't go to school because Commonwealth was impassable.
My uncle is stuck in a bldg. in Pasig.
The flood inside my other uncle's house is supposedly 10 feet deep. And they stayed in the 2nd floor of the house despite our invitations early in the morning to stay at our home.

I hope you're all safe.

My theme song of the weekend: Simple Plan's Welcome to My Life

I wanna help but my mom is not allowing me to go to Ateneo. Fart. And no classes til tomorrow. So frustrating.

Thursday, September 24, 2009


Waking up every morning has been such a chore. I hate waking up now. I don't want to go to school lately. I have been attending 1 class per day and most of the time they're not worth going to. For example, today, I went to class just to get the results of my Histo LT. That's it. I had nothing else planned for the day. But no, I still had to wake up early and go to school because she has an exemption policy. You forfeit your exemption if you cut more than 3 times. BV.

Also, there's just no reason to go to school. It's been so monotonous and I just want to end this sem just to see if the next one will be better. And I, certainly, need rest. C'mon mamon.

I just hope next sem will be better. I want more exciting sem. I don't want it difficult; I want it heavy and challenging. That sentence didn't sound like me. haha

Sunday, September 20, 2009


Somebody asked if what I'd reply to this: "I love you."

I hesitated. I did not know what to say. I knew what I wanted to say. I knew how to say but I just couldn't. I didn't know if it was a sign. I didn't know it was a hint. Probably not.

It was just a really weird question and it caught me by surprise.

Yes, I do love a lot of people (not romantically.) I have some much love to give but I find it awkward to say "I love you." I never grew up saying that. I show it, not say it.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Academic Update

I'm freaking scared of my Theo grade. Yeah, I failed the Midterm Orals and I failed two of 3 quizzes. The Midterms is worth 20% of my final mark and the quizzes are worth 30%. Oh no. God, make a way please for me to pass.

Aside from that, I'm doing okay with the other classes. I'll probably get B/ B+'s for my Eco electives (if the theory is correct that Beja really loves me HAHA.)I'll likely get a C+ for Philo (I know, it's a sad turn of events esp after Pasco.) Then, for Histo, at least a B is fine with me. And a B+ for Polsci, hopefully (really depends on our final paper.)

So, point is: I'm doing okay except for Theo and I am not exerting any effort to make things better. HELP.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Good Mornings

I'm not a morning person but lately I've been having good mornings. I am not as moody as usual. I wake up not feeling like shit. I don't take too long as before to get ready for school. I eat breakfast now. I still don't talk though but I do not snub people anymore (in the morning haha). It's really weird coz I'm not even getting enough sleep and yet my mornings are better.

It must be the weather. Heck, I've been blogging in the morning.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Good Times

Something about last night reminded me of the good times. It made me extremely happy.

I just remember how fun it was. I remember all of the things that we would do. I remember the long conversations over nothing. I remember the long laughs at the most stupid of things. I remember meals that would last for hours. I remember the games we played. I remember the long ym (sometimes even thru SMS) over things I'd rather keep private. I remember when we were still getting to know each other.

It was a simple (relative to now) time but it was certainly fun.

Will we ever go back to these times?

Friday, September 11, 2009

Mounting Pressure

I was peacefully watching the television last night when my mom gave me an envelope last night.

"Ano 'to?", i asked (though I already had a gut feel).

"Para sa'yo.", she replied.

"Ano nga?", kinda irritated coz now I've confirmed what it really was.

"Hindi ko alam.", petulant as always.

I opened it. It was a print out of the requirements and thingamabobs for the LAE. My mom is just really keen on pushing me to take it.

I pretended to not care.

My sister was the one who wanted to pursue law lately but my mom didn't want her to. She wanted my sister to remain an accountant and work for a multinational. Eventually, my sister prevailed.

On the other hand, I don't want to take law yet but my mom's pushing me like hell. Argh.


This semester has been incredibly fast. I didn't even notice it passby. I guess the problem is that it was so normal and steady that I didn't bother to stop and reflect. I started counting the months again last night.

I only have:
0 days of IPE and Polsci (Done with 2 classes already!)
3 days before I deliver the biggest report of the semester.
3 sessions before CapDev is over.
1 final semestral break.
1 month before the semester ends.
2 months before I start thesis.
3 full months left of being president (elections will happen by January.)
4 months 'til Christmas.
5 months 'til a new year.
6 months of academic life.
7 months til graduation.

Where will I be after 7 months? I dunno. That's when the monotony ends and the chaos begins. I guess, in 7 months, it's time again to begin another scheme of monotony?

Practice Pays Off

I'm sooo happy. The AEA dance team is going to the finals of RiB. This is a first!

They've been practicing so hard the past two weeks and they made it! I love it. I'm super proud. I was there every step of the way to support them. I never missed a practice. Addict much.

Yay! I'm so excited. Good job.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009


I'm just really torn. I feel such a masochist for keeping on hoping.

I wanna see you yet when I see you I, sometimes, feel so unappreciated. I try not to but I succumb to the joy of being with you. I, honestly, feel better when I am with you. I look forward to being with you. You give me so much joy. You never fail to make me happy. Even the weirdest quirks amaze me. The worst jokes crack me up. The stupidest habits entertain me.

I think about you when I am not with you. I try to guess what you are doing at every time of the day. I know you to well to predict your actions.

I don't want to be around you anymore. I hurt every time we separate ways and to know we can never be. But, at the end of the day, you give me happiness so I still go to you.

When should I just let you go?

Friday, September 4, 2009

Eco of Love

I was asked by a blockmate if I wanted to write an article for AEA's mag. I was kinda not into it until i jokingly said that I wanted to write about love. And I got so excited. haha.

I started writing the article already. It feels so good to write about something that you are interested in. It came so effortlessly. I love it. I applied the 3 economic perspectives: Mercantilist, Liberal, and Structuralist. The Liberal perspective kinda sucks. I love the mercantilist perspective on love! Wait for the article. I love it. I'm not yet done though. I was too sleepy to finish it last night.

Also, I have a lot to do this coming week: polsci final paper on Mar Roxas, IPE European recommendation paper, and the Midyear presentation. I can't even start my papers for my classes. They're so boring.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

I'm Okay

I'm okay. I guess this is the reason why I haven't been blogging lately. I'm oddly okay. Everything's perfectly normal. My life's platonic.

Grades are better than expected. I'm only failing Theo. And I just don't care about it. God will help me.

Org life's great. I've been busy with org stuff but it's been great. I just finished the midyear report of AEA and I am pleased. We really are on our way to achieving our goals. And no bull in that report (unlike last year.) Our report is backed with real data. HAHA.

Family's okay. Same quietness at home.

I'm okay. I'm doing better.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


Over the weekend, my family had various gatherings to get together and catch up on things. 3 celebrations happened. For some reason, everyone was excited to just hang-out and dine together.

Anyhoo, over dinner, my mom insisted that I prepare my application for the UPLAE or UP Law School Entrance Test whatever. All of the whole family heard it. I politely said that I'd rather defer going to Law School and I'd work abroad first. My mom was disheartened, I know.

I don't want to go to law school right now. I feel so pressured to do well coz my sister is there and she topped the entrance test. What a shame if I fail to get in! Also, I want a breather. I wanna grow up first. I need some time alone to better myself.

I'm working abroad. That's my decision. I don't care where. I don't care if I end up jobless and poor, I just want to live my own life. If I fuck it up, I know my family would still be waiting here. Furthermore, I don't want to keep on remembering college. I'd miss it a lot. I'd miss all the people. And I don't want to feel that "I
'm so near yet so far" so I'd rather be far, literally.

And this is what has been bothering me since Saturday.

On our way home, I started reminiscing all the memories. I'd really miss the Eco majors, especially the Sophomores and the Freshmen who we'll leave behind. They really mean a lot to me. Just like in the movies, I started recalling a moment shared with each of them. From the simplest of jokes to the most complicated problems that we overcame.For some reason, I know that I'd still see my blockmates no matter what so I'm not missing them! haha

Friday, August 21, 2009

Results Week

I'm so anxious to get the results of what I've done the past 2 weeks. LT in PolSci, Midterms in Histo, Philo, and Theo. I didn't do well in any of these. Sigh.

I didn't do as well as the 1st one. I immediately texted my blockmate who'll take the test after that "test was hell. :|" I had difficulty answering the objective part of test. Fortunately, she is very generous with grading the essays.

Argh. Histo used to be my forte. I hate it now. I studied really well for this one but it just wasn't enough.

Homaygad. I studied for this one too. I just couldn't understand the reading well so I had difficulty answering one of the questions. Unfortunately, there were only two questions. Boooooo me.

This is it. This one's the real bad one. I had bad orals. Super duper bad. I wasn't able to study for all the 20 thesis statements. It was just too much to handle. My gameplan was that I'd prepare for one thesis statement for every "cluster." The prof said he'd cluster (1-5, 6-10, 11-15, 16-20) the thesis statements then we'd get to choose one. He gave me: 2, 4, 6, 8, 10. Fail plan.

I had a really bad time thinking about my answer. I tried to give answers. I tried hard. I thought I was able to give enough bull. BUT no, after the oral test, the prof said, "Hindi ka nag-aral noh? Buti nalang may kalahating sem pa."

OUCH. I'm gonna fail.

I give up. I just wanna get through this semester. It's not like I'm trying to achieve a certain grade to get grad honors. I just have to survive.

Saturday, August 15, 2009


Yep, I overcame all the chaos in my head the past week. I'm feeling better now. I think, I've finally accepted my fate. I just have to keep on reassuring myself that things will get better.

The past days have been not okay. I was moody and quiet. I wasn't feeling "human interaction." I told the people that but they just laughed at me. They thought it was a joke.

I needed support. I needed someone to listen to me but no one was there. And those around me just doesn't seem to get that I was not okay and that I needed them. Some of them knew that I wasn't usual but just didn't know how to approach me.

Anyhoo, I'm better now. I jsut woke up yesterday feeling better. Though, my right foot hurts for some reason. Odd. It still hurts now. I hope it gets better soon.

As I said to a friend, "You need to keep on keepin' on and things will get better." Yep, I also need to do that.

A motto summarizes my current state: Asa but SANA!

Theo Weekend

I don't know where to get started with studying Theo. There's just so much to read.I need to prepare for 20 thesis statements. I have yet to read a single article. This weekend will be like torture. I'm just hoping that my professor would be nice enough when I "fail" the orals.

God, help me understand you and your Church.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I Tried

Waddup with you?

I know I haven't been the nicest to you lately. I know I have tried my best to not notice you. I tried to make you feel unimportant. I tried to make you feel that I don't wanna be you.

But, you know the truth, I wanna be with you.

All you have to do is to talk to me. Reassure me that I am still relevant.

I'm getting tired of this.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Study Time

Next week is gonna be my heaviest week this sem to date. I'll have Histo LT and paper, Philo midterms, PolSci LT. I was supposed to have my Theo orals too but thanks to PAASCU it was moved to the week after. Thanks PAASCU!

It doesn't really look much but I have dodged all the readings so I have to read everything now. I am worried about my Philo with all the classes that I cut and the readings I failed to read. Weeeee. Oh noes.

To add to that,I may still not be in the right frame of mind to study. I would want to ask my brain to stop thinking but that would mean that I wouldn't be able to study too. haha

But before the study time, I'll enjoy myself first. I'll watch a movie and have some drinks with some blockmates before I drown my sorrow in books.

Reality Check

A couple of weeks ago I got my write-up for Aegis. A close friend made it. A part of the write-up said that I am the perfect person to talk to when one has a problem because I would give anyone a logical and reasonable answer. In short, it said, I give people a reality check no matter how painful it may be.

I'm feeling better than I expected. I thought today would be the worst day of this episode. I am doing relatively fine, surprisingly. I think I've accepted my fate and the mess of my circumstance.

However, I can't seem to give myself a reality check. I have been so caught up with all the emotions that I don't know how to live life for me. I can't seem to find anything in me than can actually make me happy.

Maybe, my friend is correct to say that I am not in love; I am obsessed.

Yes, I need a reality check that I can't seem to do by myself. I'm trying to find answers in other people but the petulance in me is overriding any sense of logic.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Late Bday Post

*I'll try to relive the feeling coz this post is two days late. haha

My day started with my mom knocking on my door. "Manganganak na ako!", she screams while opening my door. I gave the the WTF look. hahaha. Then, I realized she was reliving the moment of my birthday. Funny as hell.

Checked my phone for greeting. Damn. A lot of people greeted me in the wee hours of the morning. Do people still get enough sleep?

Anyhoo, went to school and didn't cut a single class. Weeeee.

Got some gifts from people. I love it. It feels so good that people really bother to think what you really want. I hate doing that because it is so difficult to do so. Thanks much.

After class, I went straight to the AEA room. It was so apparent that they were preparing a "surprise" for me. When I got there, people left to buy "something." And there were people doing some artsy-fartsy stuff. Noooo, people in AEA aren't like that. People in AEA are bums to death. HAHA I just pretended that I didn't know something was happening. Thanks for the surprise cake, balloons, and card, AEA!

I went home after that. We celebrated with a family dinner. Pretty simple. I was sad though that we weren't complete because my sister was still at work.

Next day is Block F Love Day.

We had ate dinner first. Fun as hell with all the hirits and weird stuff happening in my block. hahaha. Then, we played bowling. I suck at it. Then, G.I. Joe time. Love love love.

Happiness. I wish it was my birthday everyday.


I've been sad the past 22 hours and I think I'll be sad for the next few days.

I'm hoping for the best but expecting the worst.

'Nuff said.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Last 20-yo Me Post

It's my birthday tomorrow. I'm really excited for some reason. I just wanna show everyone how much I love them. I just wanna spend time with people I love. I just wanna love some more. haha

I thought that I'd be "sad" today because it's my last day as a 20 year old. It feels weird that I'm so old already.

The past year has been crazy for me. I hope for a better and a more fun year ahead. Thank God that I survived my 20th year. So much has happened. My 20th almost drove me nuts. hahaha

So excited for tomorrow!! Ugh. I have a full sched though.

I love y'all.

Friday, July 31, 2009


I played paintball with some orgmates today and it was so fun. I really am not into physical stuff but I really enjoyed paintball. It was such a good break from all the stress of school. I want, again!

FUN. Fun. Fun. Really tired, though. I'll blog again later, hopefully.haha

Monday, July 27, 2009

Birthday Blues

My friend asked me to call her up. She was having a bad day and in need of a consoling.

After a few minutes, she calmed down and gave me a question.

"What do you wanna do before you turn 21?", she asked. (not verbatim)

"OKAY ka lang?! I'm turning 21 next week!"

I kinda did not understand her question. At first, I thought she was asking me my what my life goals are before I turn 21. But, eventually, it dawned on me that she might have been asking what I want for my 21st. I dunno. It's vague.

But, yeah, if you ask me what I want for my 21: to be surrounded by people I love and show them how much I love them. Also, let me be selfish, I wanna feel loved. I wanna know what love is. Cheesy! hahaha

Oh nooooooooooes. I really don't want to turn 21 just yet. I feel so old.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Solo= So Low

I'm tired of you taking me so low
so, I think, it's time that I go solo.

What's worse is that you don't know
that you're taking me so low.

But i really don't want you to go.
And I can't do it solo.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Now, My Mom Thinks I'm Suicidal

This is related to a previous post.

Last night, my mom was borrowing my pair of scissors. I didn't know where mine was so I told her to look for it in my room. And she did. Nope, she didn't find the scissors. She found a knife.

"Bakit ka may kutsilyo sa kwarto mo?!", she asked. She was frightened, I sensed.

Epal much. I've had that knife in my room since early June. I used to it to force open my drawer that failed me. I have the keys to the drawer but it won't open. The knife's been in my side drawer for weeks and it's only now that she saw it. Weird.

Early this morning, my mom brought breakfast to my room. I didn't eat it for the nth time.

"Why didn't you eat? May problema ka ba?", asked my dad.

The hell. Why are they all insisting that i have problems. God. For more than 8 years now, I do not eat breakfast. My stomach doesn't take it well. I can't believe my parents don't remember it. Bwisit.

Hot and Cold

I don't understand you. Where are we at?

Yesterday, we had so much fun.

Today, you didn't give a damn.

How about tomorrow?

Fart you.


Last Wedneday, I could not sleep. I was thinking about stuff. A lot of thoughts were running through my head; most of them sad ones. I tried really hard to but I couldn't. By 4am, my mom suddenly opened my door. I dunno why she did.

"Hindi ka pa natutulog?"

"Bakit naman ako hindi matutulog. Nagising lang ako.", I tried to deny.

A few minutes later, I fell asleep. I woke up 7am and my mom was asking me something. I didn't respond properly because, as usual, I was moody in the morning.

By 3pm, I got a message from my dad that my mom is so worried about me. She thinks I am having problems.

I wanted to leave class because I was getting depressed over the fact that my mom is worried about me. No, I stayed because I had a quiz.

Anyhoo, no, I don't have a concrete problem. Things around me are relatively normal. BUT, somehow, that night, I felt so out of place. I felt as though I didn't have a niche in the world. Never mind.

I want to tell somebody/ anybody about how I feel but I feel as though no one's here to listen. I tried but the listener ended up as the talker.

I need someone who will listen, without any prejudice.

I need someone who will listen. And a hug would not hurt.

There's so much I wanna share. I feel so bottled up.

Sunday, July 19, 2009


Last night, my dad had a 9.15pm meeting in Makati so we decided to go with my dad to Makati to visit our niece. My dad decided to pass by Manila for some reason. Traffic in Manila was hell. There was an accident involving a bus and 4 cars. We were still in Manila by 9pm. My dad was bound to be late.

"Manila is crazy. Don't you want to live in the province?", asked my sister.

My dad has been advocating this the past 2-3 years already. He wants to buy a farm and produce everything necessary to live. He wants a peaceful, simple, stress-free life. On the other hand, my mom doesn't want the provincial life (and yet she is so sick of the city-life.)

Last night, I felt as though they were in agreement that they will move to the province once I graduate. Supposedly, they're just waiting for me to finish college. I am only one left studying college in my family. My sister is taking up law but is already self-sustaining. My other siblings are all working already.

My dad has been searching for a condo unit in Makati for me and my other sister. I don't get why we need a unit but, I guess, my dad's assuming that I'll work in Makati.

Here's the thing though: I am kinda dead-set already that I'll leave the country after college. Yes, I am still really unsure where and how but I know I'll find a way. (I don't think my parents remember but I asked their permission already!)

Though, there's one thing or person that can change all of my plans. All you have to do is ask.

(Ugh. This post is getting me depressed. haha)

Friday, July 17, 2009

It Feels Like A Saturday

Classes were suspended today due to the typhoon. This whole week went by so fast. I can't remember much about this week except for my Th151 quiz and Pos100 LT and the happiness of yesterday. The reason is to remain secret. HAHA

I was picked up 3pm. Passed by the mall because my sister was teasing my parents to treat us "lunch." And so we did. We arrived home around 5pm.

By 5.30pm, my mom knocked on my door. She's asking me to go with her to another mall. Fine. I did. I dunno why I did. I hate shopping.

Anyhoo, pointless entry. Shit. HAHAHA. It just feels like it's saturday already. Well, this week just went by so quickly. I didn't even notice that it's weekend already. And I have nothing to do for this weekend. Rest time. Weeeeeeeeee.

I Dunno What To Do

side A: Why are you always with Side -?
I rarely get to talk to you.

Side B: I'm getting jealous of Side -.

Side C: How come when you see me you don't seem happy?

Side D: How come when you see me it's different? It's as if you're not happy!

Side E: Ayan e. Inuuna si Side -. (This one's a joke! HAHA)

Saan ka pa? Can I just not take a side and just co-exist with all of you? I really don't want to take a side. Though, I know whose company I enjoy the most. And I bet you are thinking of the wrong side. BUT, don't overthink this. I just am so torn. I'll try my best to pull all of you together. I miss you already.

In demand amp. HAHAHA Hindi tayo mag-on ha. We're just friends! HAHA

Sunday, July 12, 2009


I've been sick for 4 days now. Ugh. It feels so bad. I've been moody and quiet. I want normalcy! I wanna be better by tomorrow so that I can be normal again. haha

Anyhoo, more than anything, I'm really bothered. No, not because of my sickness. I am scared that I am "losing" people around me. I no longer know what to do.

Some people think that I am replacing them in my life because I, not by choice, am spending less time with them. God knows how much I wanna spend time with you. If only you would tell me or invite me to where you are. I am willing to drop everything and be with you. Take this as a hint.

Last week has been odd and unfortunately really bad. The past month has been really, really, really good. Then, suddenly, last week passed and it changed a lot. For one, I've been so sick of going school because what has kept me looking forward to school for the past month is no longer as dependable. I am so vague. haha

I'd rather be swined than lose you. I just hope that this week will be better and that whatever has constantly happened the week before last week continues and even becomes better.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

D-Day: Depression Day

By last night, I knew today would potentially be a sad day. I couldn't study last night because my brain was floating away and I was already sleepy. I planned to wake up 4am to study for my 4 quizzes today. Unfortunately, I was only subconscious when I turned off the alarm and fell back to sleep.

Major fail. I have 4 quizzes and I am so unprepared. Luckily, the Theo quiz was canceled and the 2 Eco quizzes were good. Philo was sorta ok. I got a 7 of 10.

Anyhoo, I don't care about acads today. It's really my emotions that's driving me crazy today.

Something that usually happens didn't and it just strengthened my worries from yesterday. And when you expect things to happen and they don't, you start to worry. And that's what I did during my classes. I don't know if we're okay or not. Good thing acads kept me busy and I didn't linger with the idea much.

When classes ended, that's when the "emoness" really kicked in. By 4pm, we were dismissed early and I wen't straight to AEA. I dunno. I just really didn't feel my usual self again. I greeted people but wasn't as happy as usual.


"Bakit ang tahimik mo?"


"What's wrong?"

Those were the questions that they threw at me. I tried to pretend that I was okay but I couldn't. I ended up sitting in the corner pretending to read an Economics book.

Most of them left by 4.30pm and I was left with a Freshman. More came eventually. BVness and silence filled the room. Everyone was "depressed." Misery really does love company.

Again, I post the same question as yesterday..

Why don't you just fucking tell me how you feel? Or would it be too shameful to admit it?

No more secret. Just be honest. And that'd mean everything to me.

I feel like I'm losing you. I don't want it to happen.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009


If the world would just be more honest, it would simpler.

If I were more honest, would I be happier?

I feel so odd today. It's like nothing about me was right. I just feel so odd. I wasn't in the mood to be "happy." Everything was set for disappointment.

I want the world to know how I feel. I want you to know how I feel. But if I did, would it even matter? Would it change anything? Would you reciprocate? I don't think so. Or maybe. I dunno. Are you giving me the green light? Orange? Or red? It changes too much. Or maybe I just over-interpret things.

Why don't you just fucking tell me how you feel? Or would it be too shameful to admit it? No more secret. Just be honest. And that'd mean everything to me.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

I'm Hurting

(The title sounds so emo. HAHAHA This is hopefully not an emo post!)

Last Friday, I was out with some friends. We were supposed to watch Transformers but ended up eating- A LOT. Lunch was so heavy that by dinner time (9pm), I wasn't really too hungry. We weren't able to finish our dinner. Oooooooooh. The spaghetti at Shakey's had pubic hair! Oh God. Anyhoo, they were planning to had jog around campus the next day. I didn't want to join them because I don't like jogging. Then suddenly, plans to play volleyball surfaced. Game! Yay. I haven't played for like 8 months.

We jogged (more like walked for me HAHA), played volleyball and basketball for 4 hours. It was fun especially jogging around the oval while singing our hearts out to angst-filled songs! That's my fave part. hahaha.

I was so sleepy already by 6pm but ended up sleeping by 1.30am. I was so sleepy the whole time but was too busy with Facebook. And I just couldn't really sleep no matter how sleepy I was.

Worse. I woke up 6am today. Weird ass. I was still really sleepy. I tried to sleep again but would just wake up every hour. I gave up on sleeping by 9am.

My body hurts. My forearms from playing volleyball. My legs from running. My back from running, I guess. My heart from loving. Joke! HAHAHAHAHA I'm just not the active type.

Thursday, July 2, 2009


I feel so odd. I feel so out of place.

Amazingly, people have forgotten whatever has happened yesterday. Everything's normal again, i think. And yet, something feels so wrong. A couple of days/ weeks ago I was at the center of everything and now I feel so out of the circle. And, this has nothing to do with yesterday.

This is what I feared when I started "expanding" my circle. What if the small circles leave me out? I dunno. I remember clearly telling one of them at the beginning of the school year that I am not sure if I still I have a niche in their group. And, today, for some reason, I was with them but didn't feel wanted (lack of a better term; this sounds sooooooo conceited. haha) Worse, I didn't feel as though I belonged.

Another thing pissed me off again today. I asked an Execom member to prepare 20 copies of the member database because we would be creating teams today. It would be more efficient if each member of the Execom had a copy of the database. BUT no, by 4.30pm (call time is 4.30pm), she asked me how many copies I wanted and that she'd go down to the lib to print the database. Are you some kind of stupid? You're are so inefficient.

What I hate most is that her faults reflect on me. The Execom doesn't know that I asked her to prepare. I had a plan on how to do it efficiently so that we wouldn't waste time. BUT NO, you fucking failed me. And now people think I am the inefficient one. Sucks to be me and be around her.

And this just ruined my whole mood. I saw how uninterested and bored the people were as we were creating the teams. My mood was foul again and my eyes couldn't stop rolling. I HATE wasting people's time.

I am so restless for soooooooo many reasons. I need emo time. I need to let it all out. FART.

I guess this was bound to happen. I was too happy the past 3 weeks. Even my source of happiness is failing me. Or I have failed it.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009


Sour note to a good day. HAHAHA

Such a good, fun, and tiring day. Had class in the morning. Lunch with Freshies. AHS for the Org fair to help out the AHS Economics Club. Back at college to hang-out.

By 6pm, I was drained but I had "arranged" with a friend to have dinner with them. It was apparent that I was drained, I think. I wasn't as happy and I was already rambling about how tired I was. haha

I dunno. I just snapped because I was so frustrated with myself. My thoughts were certainly no longer normal. Why the heck would I ask the world if they're not tired of their secrets when I have so many fucking secrets myself?! MAYBE, i am tired of my own secrets. I certainly am not rationalizing myself. I am to blame. My bad. The gull. Ang kapal ng mukha ko. Stupid me.

I didn't want to show my "frustration" so I stormed out of the room. MY mistake: I announced to the world that I was getting pissed and I need a time off. God knows I controlled it well because until now I'm so freaking frustrated. HAHAHA

And the weird thing is I feel like apologizing but I know I don't need to and that it'd be more awkward if I do so. They're not pissed at me but they certainly are awkward around me. And for some reason, I still feel tomorrow will be a good day. So help me God.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Life Changing

I never expected to meet someone who would have such importance in my life. You've changed me without you even knowing it. Thank you.

I know how I feel and yet I can't find the words to make this entry more senseful.

I guess this is how it really should be.

All I know is I wake up happy to live another day; another chance to spend more time with you.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Acads Fail

I'm doing so poorly in school. Over the weekend, I tried to catch up and read all what I'm supposed to. I'm about to give up. haha

Pos101 by Ms.Oreta (1030-1130)
Ms. Oreta is motherly and really nice but, I really hate one of her policies: paper-less sem. By paper, I mean, she won't give us a hardcopy of all of the readings. She would send it to us a day or two before the session. Ugh. I hate reading stuff using a comp. I usually end up not reading them. Last Wednesday, we had a quiz and I wasn't able to answer because I wasn't able to read the reading for the session. HAHA

It's all good. I think I'll like this class especially how she would spend 10mins just to check attendance. And, i think, she has a major crush on Randy David. Odd.

Hi166 by Ms. Lacson (1130-1230)
Her wit feels soooooooooo contrived. I dunno if she just trying to be funny or she really is. Gives freaking difficult quizzes. And her readings are disorganized. Farty.

Though, I have a feeling I'll like this class soon. haha

Th151 by Mr. Mendoza (10.30-1200)
BORING as hell. Shit. OMG. Give me a life. And the readings are crazy long.

Ec185.something a.k.a IPE by Beja (1200-1330)
Very interesting class. I like it. Though, I have to read a lot of stuff every session because we have quizzes every session worth 50% of our final grade. But, i feel such a good Econ major thanks to this class. HAHA

Ec185.something aka Capitalist Development by Beja (again) (1330-1500)
SHIT. This class will drive me nuts. I totally don't understand the concepts. It's a Marxist class trying to explain Capitalist Development. OMG. Major headache every session. He said it himself that "we should not worry if we don't understand the concepts." But, Sir, are you crazy? You give us quizzes every session and they make up our entire grade!

Worse, I'm so pressured to ace all the quizzes to get a good grade. I failed the 1st one. FART.

Ph103 by Fr. Rasiah (1500-1630)

Fr. Rasiah is a very witty Indian priest. He explains well, though, can sometimes be rude (in a very funny way). Not too much readings but I am too sabaw already when I arrive in class. This was the first class the I cut this sem because my brain couldn't take it anymore. HAHA

That's my academic life the past two weeks. When I'm not in class, you'll probably find me in the AEA room or in a meeting (which I hate!).

This sem can be easy. I just have to read a lot. DL semester? Can be but really not likely. I hate reading! HAHAHA

Friday, June 26, 2009

Falling In; Falling Out

Of Falling In

The past 2 weeks have been such a blast for me. I've truly enjoyed my time. It's so nice to see people grow in relationships with other people. I feel like I've gained sooooooooooo many new friends and re-established and strengthen old ones. It's so much fun. I don't want this to sound like a repeat of my last blog but the sentiments from that one still echoes 'til now.

There's another falling in that's happening but I'd rather not discuss that. HAHA

Of Falling Out

But, at the same time, I feel like I'm slowly loosing some of my friends. Certainly, this is not a conscious effort. I've been trying my best to give "quality" time to every single friend of mine who's in my immediate circle. Imagine, 10-15 people in one room all at the same time; different topics, different stages of friendship, different jokes, different people. And, oddly enough, I feel compelled to listen to every single one, as much as I can. Actually, I feel responsible to pull all of those 15 people to have a single flow of thought. That sounds weird. I can't explain myself well.

And, in the midst of all of the "chaos" of trying to pull people together, of course, there are people that I fail to notice. I try my fucking best to listen and notice everyone. Promise. I do. But, honestly, how can one expect me to listen to different people talking at the same time? I only have two ears and one brain that tends to lag. haha

Imagine doing that every hour with different sets of people.

Is this another case of me spreading myself to thinly? I'd like think no.

Forgive me if you're one of those that I have "failed" to notice. Never my intention.

And, don't go on assuming that this is about you, please. You are not alone. HAHA In general, I feel like there are people who were (kinda) close to me before that I don't get to hang-out with anymore. It's as if we've lost the connection; the magic.

Side story: my acads is suffering from all the falling. HAHAHA Oh well.

Monday, June 15, 2009

I Will Miss This

If today is a prelude to what my last academic year in LS would bring,WOW. I'm so excited. Today was a blast. It was a simple day full of laughs- the kind that would lead you to tears. HAHA My heart is absolutely filled with joy, excitement, and happiness. It was such a close-to-perfect day.

I've been excited about today since yesterday. I spontaneously emailed all the Freshies to hang out in the room and just be with the old members. The old members were excited for their own private reasons.

By 9am, I was already in school. I went straight to the AEA room. There was already a Freshies! The uber friendly (but not krung-krung) Freshie was with an old member already. He's the one who's really "close" to me already. And a few minutes later, more and more people came. People from different batches! Freshies, Sophomores, Juniors, and Seniors. Everyone was there! Happyness.

By 10.30am, i had class. 11.30am, class but was a freecut. Came straight to the org room again. Sophies and Seniors dominated the room. Fuuuuuuuuuuun as hell. All the hirits and asarans was suuuuuuuuper funny. HAHAHA I never imagined the Sophies bullying my batchmates. WAHAHAHA Oh, I just missed another batch of Freshies who were too scared to stay in the room because I wasn't there. Booooooo.

By 1.30pm, more Freshies! It was fun getting to know them and to see everyone getting along. Wow. I'm really so happy. Yipeeee! (Why am I so perky? HAHA) One Freshie even ditched his blockmates to stay in the room. HAHA

By 2.30pm, the Freshies had class so I ate lunch with the Sophies. We talked about the Freshies and how one of them was hitting on a Freshman. Tsk tsk tsk. Jooooooke. HAHA

Back to the org room by 3pm. No more Freshies this time. It was Block Love time. I freaking love my block. Funny and crazy. More Freshies came by 4pm but they were kinda shy so it was a bit awkward.

BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT, this is not just the reason why I am so elated. Huh. I feel so freaking happy. Yay. I didn't expect that to happen. I miss you. I miss talking to you. I will miss this when I've graduated already.

You keep my life so happy.

Noooooooooo! I hate the fact that I'm already Senior Syndroming. HAHA

Friday, May 29, 2009


Yesterday, I had a meeting with my one of my VPs in AEA about our video shoot today. We agreed that i'd just bring a laptop and she'll send me the script. I brought the laptop and, unfortunately, she forgot to attach the file to the email. We had a meeting but had nothing to talk about. We just divided the work.

Evening came. I had a Fellowship Dinner in school and was home by 9pm. I checked ym and offered my assistance to her. I thought she was already in the finishing details of the script. But, she wasn't. She hasn't even started working on it because she just came home, too.

Anyhoo, we worked on the script until 12mn. We had all sorts of problems like the vidcam to be used to was no longer available, the props, etc. And because of someone's inefficiency, we didn't even have the proper venue to do this shoot.

I woke up 7am today. I badly wanted to stay in bed. I've not been sleeping well the whole week. By 7.30am, I was ready to go to school. I was just waiting for my mom to finish bathing. By, 8am, already stressed because I didn't want to be late for the shoot, I knocked on my mom's bathroom door. She wasn't riding with us all along! I waited 30mins for nothing. And my dad has been in the car since 7.30am. Nobody told me that my mom wasn't riding with us!

My dad blamed me. Me being me, I argued with him. And the argument really pissed me off.

I arrived late in school by around 15 mins. I never like being late especially when I am the one who called for the meeting. That's just rude. I don't want to waste other people's time.

On my way to MVP, i was planning on how to pretend to be fine and not pissed. I passed by OSA to check if somebody already got the key. A blockmate was there and gave me one of the saddest news for the year: there are only 50 incoming Eco majors, at most. 30 standard, and less than 20 honors. The department secretary told me last March that around 80 students have already confirmed! Now, this? How sad.

Also, we reserved the room til 4.30pm but Julie only gave us until 11.30am. Wow.

Then, I went upstairs to start the shoot. I tried my fucking best to not look stressed and all but I just couldn't. I saw a lot of people and just went straight ahead without greeting them. I'm not happy and I couldn't pretend to be.

A lot of people came late. Even the one of the "main actors" was late. We didn't start on time. We weren't prepared. This is one of my pet peeves as a "student leader." I really don't want to waste other people's time. I don't want to make them go to events that aren't worth their time. I don't want to force them to do stupid things. You make them go all the way to Ateneo at such an early time and then you'd come late and unprepared. I'm so ashamed of myself.

By 10.45am, the main actor came. We only had 45 mins left to shoot an entire scene and we didn't even have a complete script yet. OMG. Shit. We just improvised shit.

We finished shooting around 3.30pm. And I have not eaten the whole day.

Just imagine how foul my mood was the whole day.

I am tired. I am frustrated. I am ashamed. I don't feel well. I wanna say sorry to all those that I've maltreated today.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

School/ AEA Work is Demanding My Attention

I feel ashamed towards my EVP. She has been doing all my "work." It's time that I handle more of them.

Everynight, I try my best to pull all the strings together. I try to communicate with everyone I need communicate with. I fix all the details and update myself with AEA stuff. BUT, it's so difficult to be so far away from "homebase."

Today, I had a lunch mtg here in Makati for AEA with an alumni now working in the Private Scandinavian Sparkasse. It's a forex trading company that's offering a project to AEA. AS if i understand, Forex trading. I just pretended to understand him.

Tomorrow, I'll go home to QC! YAY! I'll have dinner with Sanggu to discuss SOSS' projects that might involve AEA. I am excited for this. I bet it'll be fun.

On friday, I won't go to work coz we'll shoot a video for a project. I'm sooooooo not ready to dance. HAHAHA

Saturday MIGHT be my rest day. I'm hoping nothing pops up.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Boss Qualms

My boss was a bit bitchy and sad today. She wasn't her usual self. As soon as she arrived, she got a marker and wrote all our tasks for today.

My partner had to encode all the data he has gathered that past 3 days. "Anong oras na diyan (sa laptop)?", she asked.

"9:09am, ma'am."

"10.09am. You only have 10.09am only to finish that." Bwisit.

My turn..

"You need to make 10 successful calls by lunch time."


Lunch time came. I was hungry. I left for lunch with only 6 successful calls. A successful call means I've gotten the name of the HR manager, email add, company address, and personnel base. I usually make 80 calls a day. Of the 80 calls, i usually have around 6-8 successful calls a day.

By 4pm, she made a phone call to us. After the phone call, "Kris, you need 20 successful calls by today.", my partner said. I only had 7 by this time.

I got pissed. I stopped working and stared at the parade along Ayala Ave. Hello, 16 successful calls was the highest I ever got! My usual is 6-8 a day.

"When she calls again tell her I'm not working and that I'm watching the parade! I don't wanna work anymore!", I told my partner.

BVnessssss. I had 11 successful calls only today and I don't care if she's disappointed. You're not paying me.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Emo Attack

"please make me understand, papano mo nasasabing mahal mo ang isang tao, kung wala syang nakikitang pagmamalasakit sayo? papano ako magkakaron ng dahilang maging mas mabuting tao, kung sa bawat galaw nya nararamdaman kong wala akong kwenta at hindi worthy na mahalin? OO, EMO.

i feel that a part of me is dead, and i cannot find any way to get the old me back. i miss the old me. i miss the me i was. please, make me understand. how can love be this painful? how can love be so contradictory? how can you tell me one thing and act the other? make me understand, please. anyone, make me understand. :(" - from a friend.

People around me are going emo. And I'm gravely affected. When I read that, I got emo big time. Shit. Sigh.

Must keep my mind sane. Must keep my self busy.

Friday, May 22, 2009

I Missed Home

It's been 2 weeks since I've gone home to QC. Now, I'm here. Yipeeeee.

I missed my roooooooooom. It's unique smell. My bed! My room is Makati is like half of my room here. This one's much more comfy.Shet. I miss my airconnnnnnn. I missed my banyo. HAHA. And, I miss my snack stash. Though, I left the key to the cabinet in Makati. Boooooo.

I missed my dad's (yes, my dad's the one who cooks here) cooking. Sorta. I'll decide tomorrow if I really did miss it. haha. I miss the "taste" of our water. I miss making the pantry and fridge empty. It's sooooo full now. Tomorrow, i'll change that. HAHA

I missed the noise of my family. Suuuuuuuper noisy. HAHAHA.

I missed not doing any household chores. I wash my own dishes, clean my own room, and fix my own bed in Makati. Here, I don't normally do those stuff. At least, for the 2 days i'd be staying here, I can rest from those. haha

I miss my friends. I hope to see you all soon.

Friday, May 15, 2009

OJT Experience

Work is tiring. Grabe. I start 8:30am and end by 5:30pm. It only takes me 10-15mins to go to work and back. I love that. I can sleep a LOT. haha Usually, after work, I go to Glorietta to steal wi-fi from Gloria Jean's and to have dinner.

My boss is nice. My officemates are also nice but they're all busy. I don't usually talk to them because we are all busy. Huhuhu. I love our office but security is really tight and I don't have an ID yet so I don't have access to any of the rooms.

Aaaaaaaaaaah. I just regret the fact that I don't have the time to watch TV and see all that's happening with the Davids in the country. I can't wait for the concert tomorrow!!

This is so not cohesive. I'll blog again when my brain gets some rest. haha

Monday, May 11, 2009

BV Day

Bad Vibes. Whattaday. Fart.

I started pretty well, actually. My mom forced me to eat breakfast and I obliged because I wanna save up. Amazingly, there was no traffic build-up along EDSA. We found the Tycoon Building easily. I arrived pretty early for the training; 1 hour and 30 minutes early. I even had yogurt at Ministop for breakfast number 2. Yum yum. Also, I was giddy this morning because I was texting my blockmate. I discovered last night that the “booboo” actually made impact. HAHA. For those who think they get the joke, hush hush. haha

Then, it went downhill from there.

BV 1: Since I was early, I decided to chill at the Mcdo in the building. Chill is the word because I didn’t want to spend money for food. I got my iPod and found out that all the files were lost. I left the iPod connected to the laptop over night and for some reason all the songs/ videos were gone.

BV 2: After waiting for an hour or so, I go up to the 14th floor. Security was tight. I wasn’t allowed in the room until our trainer arrived. I had to wait for 45 minutes more outside the room for her to arrive. Take note, no chair or fan/ aircon.

BV 3: The trainer extended our 3-day training to 4 days. I don’t like it in our office in Ortigas. It’s old and security is really tight. No bags/ food/ cellphones are allowed inside the office. We had to leave everything with the guard. Furthermore, you cannot leave the office with any piece of paper with you for the security of the clients, supposedly.

BV 4: The trainer said that I and my partner should have attended only the last 2 days. Unfortunately, the HR dept. of the Makati Branch, said that we attend the whole 3 (turned 4) days. And since we were there already, the trainer said we might as well stay the whole duration.

BV 5: The training ended by 2:30pm with an exam. I asked my co-trainees how to get to the nearest MRT station. They walked me to the Shaw Station. It was not that far. Then from Shaw, I had to go to Ayala to submit some documents. From the Ayala Station, I walked all the way to Standard Chartered and back. It was hell. Suuuuuuuuuper far. I walked because I don’t know still how to ride the jeep from the station to my office. And I didn’t want to take a cab to and back the office because that would cost me around 160PHP. My mom only gave me 500PHP for the day and because I was trying to save up, I didn’t want to spend it all.

BV 6: Walking to SCB, I took the wrong underpass and got lost. I was on the wrong side of the street but I kept walking farther. I reached Manila Pen and realized I was lost. Major fail: there was no underpass in front of Manila Pen so I had to go around the whole block. It took me 45 minutes to walk from the Station to Standard Chartered.

BV 7: I texted my dad that we meet up in Quezon Ave so I can hitch with him. He told me he was in Discovery Suites so I said I’ll just go there. After a few minutes, he texted me that he might leave Discovery already so we should just meet up in Quezon Ave. I went straight there and waited for 45 minutes only to find out that he’s still in Discovery. My blood pressure shot up! I said that he should leave Discovery immediately and I’ll just wait for him there. But no, he couldn’t some of his friends rode with him so he still has to bring them back to his office. I just took a cab home and cost me 150PHP.

BV 8: I took a bath as soon as I got home. My feet felt mahapdi. My heel was bleeding. The skin was peeling off of both my feet. And the soles were also painful. Too much walking.

BV 9: I was only able to save 50PHP. Weeeeeeee. Shit. 150PHP for food. 150PHP for the cab ride. And 100PHP for the MRT card. It just makes me wonder how the heck do minimum wage earners survive with that little money? I spent more than what I could possibly be earning for this job in a day.

Everyone at home is trying to appease me. They can really tell that I am so BV. I got all sorts of consoling messages and offers to dine out. But no, nothing can make me feel better now. Fart.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Random Much

It is very, very, very important for every Junior and Senior to get a low random number. It will determine whether you will be able to get good professors or not. And, for me (and all those who have Thesis in their Senior year), it will determine whether we'll be able to get into a Thesis class in the 1st semester. The second sem is shorter and has a heavier load so most prefer to do it during the 1st sem.

Random numbers were out today. I got 367. My thesis partner got 574. I dunno if we'll be able to get a 1st sem Thesis class. I am kinda hoping that my 367 will get us into one but that would most likely mean that we won't get the adviser that we want.

Well, if we don't get into a 1st sem thesis class, there's always Ate Sai to save me. haha. Why waste such a good connection? Ate Sai, get me the classes I want. haha.

I'm just hoping for the best.

I am sooooooo missing someone. I just browsed thru some pics and my heart sank. Fart. haha

My mom doesn't seem too keen about me living in Makati. Until Wednesday, I'll still be living in QC since I still have training in Ortigas before I work in Makati. She said it's better that I stay here first. Hopefully, by Thursday, they'll allow me to live in Makati coz commuting from there to here is hell.

Saturday, May 9, 2009


Low on money: Thanks to Cook/ Archuleta and AEA. I've got only around 20pesos in wallet left. Haha. Poverty! Aside from that, I've been going to malls and dining out more often. And today, I spent the last few bills that I have to bowl/ eat with AEA. Loved it. I'll try to spend less and start saving up again. I just need to wait a few more days (hopefully) to get my reimbursement and i'll be okay again. haha

Low on happiness: Lack of inspiration. Nuff said. Same old shit.

Low on energy: I've been sooooooo busy the past few days. Deadly combination of waking up early and staying up late. Last Thursday, I was so tired that I wasn't able to see Allison off of Idol. Huhuhu. Yesterday, I went to school to fix some documents for my OJT and AEA. Then, I had a meeting until 9.45pm. I was so pissed as I was going home because I wanted to sleep already. But no, I still had to finish and submit the requirements for the Recweek Manual. Slept at around 12mn.

Today, woke up by 6:30am. I had the following to do:

8am-12nn COA Open House
8:30am-12nn AEA Proj Head Training
12nn- 4pm AEA Execom UBE
1pm-4pm Recweek GA
5pm- 8pm IPA meeting.

I went to the Open House first and stayed there til 8:30am. Then, went to the Proj Head training. It was fun but the team was sorta unprepared. By 11:20am-ish, the training was over and we had a meeting til 12nn. By 12nn-ish, we were off to Eastwood. Fun, fun, fun. Though, I had to ditch the Recweek GA. I don't care. haha

Back to Katip by 4:45pm for the IPA meeting. I, honestly, enjoy cluster meetings. The other presidents and representatives are fun. I feel at ease with them. And I love "bickering" with the A-Stat president. HAHAHA. But, I always end up sabaw during cluster meeting. My god. I swear. My brain becomes soup every time. The meeting was over by 8:30pm.

Tomorrow will be a long day. I am not certain yet if I'll move to Makati tomorrow since I'll still have training for my OJT in Ortigas until Wednesday. I just might move to Makati on Wednesday evening. I dunno. We'll see. But if I'll move tomorrow, it will entain a lot of packing and carrying loads of stuff. Also, I have to have a haircut, shop for clothes and toiletries, and have my ID pic taken.

Low on reasoning skills: I confirmed today that a friend of mine felt bad about a decision I made (for her). I've been having this feeling that she's mad at me since Tuesday and today, the first moment I saw her, I knew something was wrong.

Here's the story: She asked my opinion about something. I told her it's a bad idea coz she might not be able to handle it. But, I told her that if she wants to pursue it, go for it. She didn't. Then recently, I did what I told her not to do. I know, I sound like an asshole. But, honestly, I am just looking out for her sake. Argh. I can't explain myself without revealing too much. For brevity, I told her not to do it because I care for her.

I was casually trying to feel if she was really pissed at me. Casually, i asked her if she was pissed at me. "Do you really want me to answer your question?", she replied. The bomb. haha. As I was trying to explain my side, she just told me to change the topic.

As the day went on, I didn't feel weird or awkward towards her. She was the same towards me. The dynamics of our relationship was as good as ever. I dunno. I just hope that she just loves me too much that she has forgiven me already or something. haha

Thursday, May 7, 2009


I got a call yesterday from Standard Chartered. They needed to see me again today for another interview. So, today, I went there again. Only, this time, no one was available to bring me to Makati so I had to ride the MRT. Hell. MRT is hell. People who ride the MRT are barbarics. Well, as they say, when in Rome do as the Romans do. So, I became barbaric too and forced myself into that train. Shet. It was so cramped that I couldn't move my arms. Shet.

Anyhoo, I arrived 30 minutes before my schedule. Unfortanely, by interview was pushed back by around 30 minutes. I waited for 1 hour pretending to be interested to read SC's annual reports. haha. My interview was kinda okay. Not as well as the 1st one. After the interview, they made me wait. I got the Internship. They made me fill out all sorts of documents and contracts already. Yay. I think I'll really like my boss. I'll start working on Monday.

After filling up all the documents, I was off to Glorietta. Unfortunately, I couldn't get a cab in front of SC so I decided to walk all the way to Glorietta. It was far. And it was raining. Bad decision. Roamed a bit then off to Trinoma.

I met up with a friend and had "shopping." I don't think we can call that shopping. haha. Anyhoo, my sister was also in Trinoma and she was begging me to ditch my freind and accompany her. I declined, of course. I asked my friend that we move to the Block so we can avoid my sister.

In the Block, we did nothing. As usual. haha. Oooooooooh. I finally got to buy my ticket to the Cook/ Archuleta concert on the 16th. I'm excited!! haha. After a few minutes, we went back to Trinoma and by 4:30pm I left my friend because my sister was really pitiful. Joke. haha. She was in Trinoma since 11am and was alone the whole time.

Anyhoo, my sister and I did all sorts of things: Time Zone, eat, walk, shop for by niece's baby clothes, and eat some more. By 6pm, my mom arrived and more baby stuff happened. We left the mall by 8pm.

My feet hurt so bad. I wanna cut them off. haha I was wearing my leather shoes the whole time and it was really, really, really painful.

I'm excited to work for SC starting Monday. Though, that would also mean that starting Monday, I'll be living in Makati. Though, talk to me by Tuesday and Wednesday and for sure I'd be hating my OJT. haha

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Day of Firsts

1st experience of Makati rush hour. It took me 1 hour and 45 minutes to get to Standard Chartered and 1 hour and 40 minutes to go back to QC.

1st breakfast at Starbucks. I don't really eat breakfast but I was too nervous this morning so I ate at the branch in Standard Chartered.

1st Job Interview. It was only about 13 minutes long. I think I did well. The only chance of me not getting the job is if the other applicants did better. I did nothing wrong e. haha

The interviewer said, "The job fits you perfectly coz you talk a lot." NO, i was shy pa during the interview. Meet me when we are close friends na. HAHA.

"I can see that you really are a people person." Thanks ma'am. haha IKR. haha

"I can sense that you are a leader." Wushooooooo. I wasn't overbearing during the interview.

Side note: They don't give allowances for their interns. Booooo. haha

1st PUB ride alone. It was scary but fun because I got to see all the places I wanna go to if I get the job. haha. This got me excited about the OJT. I swear, if I get the OJT, i'll go to every mall that I saw today. Bored much.

1st movie to watch alone. After my interview, I went to the mall. It just sad that Glorietta was still closed when I finished the interview. Anyhoo, I watched 17 Again. HAHA. It was an amazing sight to see the looooooooong line of Senior Citizens for Fushcia. While in 17 Again, there were only around 10 people in the entire cinema house.

1st time to encash cheques for me. I was running low on budget then I realized that I got cheques in my wallet waiting to be encashed. And so I did.

Weeeee. I'm excited about working for Standard Chartered. I am hoping that I get the job but not really expecting that I'll it. I've been extra "adventurous" lately so I wanna explore more of Makati. haha

Monday, May 4, 2009

Friends Before Work

Fucker. I forgot a looooooooooooot of things that I had to do because I opted to hang-out with my friends. And, yeah, they helped me out naman with some of the things that I had to do. Besides, it's sooooooooo worth it. I had fun. Really, it's my bad. And, right before going home, I went shopping with my mom pa. hahaha

BUT, now, it's hell. Stressful much.

One, I forgot to print my CV which I need tomorrow for the Standard Chartered interview.

Two, I forgot to work on and email the RecWeek requirements.

Three, I forgot to fix the project head training

Four, I have yet to study the Standard Chartered VMO and Principles.

Five, I have yet to start on the Project Head manual.

That's it, hopefully. Not much naman pala. I'm stressing over nothing. haha

I love thy "work" but I love thy friends more. haha


Short-term: I got a call from Standard Chartered while I was bathing. haha. They want me for an interview tomorrow. I hope I do well. I'm excited about this. If I get in, the next month would be so different. I'll probably live in Makati and not be in Ateneo so often. haha Of course, I'll try to balance it with my AEA work.

Medium Term: Last night, I was talking to my parents about how I ditched IBM a couple of months ago because my mom didn't want me to go there. Then, I suddenly told them what I've been wanting to do after grad: leave the country to work. It's not that I don't want to work here; I just want to gain my independence and start all over again. I'm eyeing Thailand, Singapore, or Malaysia for now. I want the country to be near the Philippines so I can easily go back here if I get lonely or whatsoever.

"Iiwan mo na kami", momma said.

"EXACTY my point! Hahaha", I joked.

Well, I was surprised that they were supportive of it. And, I asked my mom to compile all her contacts since she works for an international org that has offices all over Asia. Weeeeee. I am sooo exicted about this. I wanna grad na.

That's just plan A. Plan B is to learn more Eco for the next two years after grad. Boring but this can really help my resume.

Long Term: Have a family and be effin' happy!

DISCLAIMER: All of this can change. It only takes ____ person(s) to tell me to change my plans. But, I'll try to follow my brain not my heart. haha

It's time I live my life for me.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Back To Old Habits

When you think you're doing so well(not necessarily good; but okay), it's so easy to be caught up with your okayness and be complacent about things and life.

Then, suddenly, something just has to remind you that you're not okay and not doing okay, it forces you to back to old habit; habits that you've tried to learn to forget.

It just sucks that I have to be reminded that I am not okay. It sucks that no matter how hard I try to forget, i get constant reminders. It sucks that I thought I've learned to forget but you just had to remind me why I can't forget and you just had to make me feel envious. I am envious that you are okay. I am stupid for being envious. Blah blah blah.

I am human. I get disheartened easily.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Busy Meee

I've been really busy this week. It started over the weekend with all the meetings and GA's that I had to attend. I am kind of getting tired already. HAHA

This week is AEA's Proj Head Hunt and I've been in school the whole week to supervise everything. And my parents' are not happy about it. They think i am just wasting my time in school. Yes, but at least, I am happy (and productive) in school.

I'm excited for this week to be over. I wanna rest.

And amidst all the activities that I have to attend to, deep inside, I know that I am still fragile. Fragile but trying to be strong for me (and you.)

Friday, April 24, 2009

For Thy Thesis Partner

MUST never reach her. Kk?

I feel so blessed to have you around me. I know all the stress that you're undergoing now ("school"-related and otherwise). I perfectly understand if you would want to snap at me or something. But no, you respond to me with such an "awwwwwwww" and heart-warming message. I thought you would get pissed with all of my demands. But no, you understand me. I thought you would get tired of me and all of my "outbursts." But no, you are even fearing that you are maybe not doing good enough. I tell you, you are doing so well. You are doing so much better than everyone else. Better than me, in all honestly.

I never thought that you would exert soooooo much effort to keep things in order. I never thought that you could be that friendly. I never thought that you are soooooooo generous and kind. As you know, i always think of you as a stress-magnet. haha. BUT NO, you make my life so much better and definitely more fun.

Good luck with your endeavors. I know all the things that you want. I hope you get them. FAT CHANCE. Hahahaha. Kidding! Let's keep on hoping. I'll support and help you all the way.

For whatever the future may hold, do not fear. I'll be here to help you. We'll all be here for you.

You truly are special. And I am truly blessed to have you around me. Can't wait for thesis. Can't wait for after-college. This friendship is for keeps.

Shopping Fail

Today's a "busy" day. I went to school for 3 meeting (all in the afternoon.)

My first meeting was with my EVP. This is becoming our weekly habit to "evaluate" the performance of our EB and to "pinpoint" people we have to work more with. Honestly, I enjoy have meetings with her. And our meetings are always fun and productive. We got to talk a lot today. We didn't finish our "meeting" because we both had another meeting to attend to.

Next up, meeting with my EB. It was blah. I was prepared. haha. Thank God they were prepared. I love my EB. We ended around 15mins behind sched. I had another meeting that starts 30 minutes before my previous meeting ends.

Anyhoo, I was terribly late for my last meeting of the day. I tried to make up for it with my "brillant" ideas. Unfortunately, I didn't have any. HAHA This meeting ended 1 and 1/2 hours behind my expected time.

I was supposed to go shopping today! Unfortunately, I didn't have the time anymore. And I am pretty sure that I don't have the time tomorrow. BUT, i need to shop. I just dunno when I can shop. God, give me the time (and patience) to shop. I hate shopping.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Brain Drift

I was on a texting rampage/blast today to promote the Project Hunt of AEA. I texted almost every AEA member on my phonebook.

I got a reply: "Haha. I'll apply! Whooot Whoot. Miss na kita."

"Yay! Miss na rin kita. GRABE.", I replied.

I just replied without thinking who I was talking to. When I realized that it didn't register to me who I was texting, I stopped. Unfortunately, it was sent already. Nakakahiya. Not that I don't miss the person but my reply sounded fake because we're not close. haha

Brain, please stop drifting away and thinking.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Now You Tell Me

Current LSS and my song for me. HAHAHA

Is there anything that can make you happy?
I don't know what to say to make it better
Seeing you like this, down and hurt so badly
When you have been so kept together

What's this?
All this time I thought you didn't need me
Now I've gone from you and now you tell me

You were nonchalant, strong, and unaffected
And you never wanted me to be there
I never saw your heart, that's how close you kept it
So right now I'm so unsure how to care

No attention was given
No affection from you to heal the hurt
I was hoping
I was wishing
Just to listen and to hear those words

You're in love, but that's not what it was
All those times that passed by with no signs
And now you're telling me
You miss me, why couldn't I see?
And my heart don't agree with what you're telling me

It's A Small World After All

Something big and explosive is happening to my block. hahaha. Well, what's new with big and explosive things in my block?? I can't stop from laughing just thinking about it.

Most know the issue(s) but, I am the only one who figured it ALL out. HAHA

Amazing. I hold the key and I will never share it with anyone. I have promised people that I won't. Well, at least, I am enjoying it. haha

The title's my first and last clue. Sorry blockmates. I bet you won't get it. hahaha

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Indulge Yourself

"Indulge yourself. Masasawa ka rin.", a friend told me. I've been bothered recently by what I thought has died already or what I've been trying to deny myself.

Honestly, I've been indulging myself for 2 to 3 months already. And I am nowhere near the point of pagkasawa. Nowhere near that point. I am, actually, craving for more. I expect more. I want more. I need more.

In the few days/ weeks that I have distanced myself, I've been able to drive myself to my lowest in 3 months. I just couldn't and can't take it anymore. I'm driving myself crazy again.

As much as everyone thought I wanted it to happen, I, honestly, didn't want it to happen because I knew that after that will be this. Maybe I expected more. Maybe everything failed my expectations. Maybe I just want to be treated better. Maybe. Maybe, for once, I wanted to not be the only one indulging myself. But no.

And no one's here to share my misery.

Monday, April 20, 2009

AEA High; Me Low

AEA High
I just came from the AEA Plansem in Batangas. It was soooooooo tiring. That's really the first thing that comes to my oh-so-tired mind. haha. Honestly, it was really tiring because we had a lot of work to do. I kinda wanted a more fun Plansem though. Don't get me wrong, it was fun too. I think my EB really enjoyed it. I just wanted more fun (for me). haha

And most (if not all) of my EB got to bond. It was a good Plansem. We accomplished a lot and also had a lot of fun. Good job, Execom!

Me Low
There's something I wanna forget. I wanna move on, but I just can't. I need to reallign my brain again. I am overflowing with emotions. I didn't want it to happen. It just did.

*Forgive my vague thoughts.

Monday, April 13, 2009

It's Macci Now

For the past few weeks I've been irritating my blockmates by calling Matteo as Macci. And it's starting to get into me. I have been calling it Macci unconciously.

Let's face it. It's Macci now. Not Matteo Ricci. hahaaha

Joke. I still prefer Matteo. I just wanted to scare my blockmates. haha

Org Life

Today was a very good day for org life. haha

For the past few days I've been really stressed thanks to AEA. The frustration was incredible. haha A lot of problems and frustrations appeared last week and it was too much to handle. I am just not in the mode to fix problems.

Furthermore, the pressure is mounting. I began the presidency with feeling absolutely no pressure felt. I knew I can do a good job. But when things started to fall apart, I felt as though my "leadership" skills have gone rusty.

Anyhoo, today, everything was resolved. And I am so relieved and happy. haha

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

AEA Mode

Argh. Vacation mode is kinda over. I have a LOT to do for AEA now. Weeeeeeee.

Here's what I need to do:

Review the ff.:
AEA Consti
Project Proposals

Craft the ff:
Electoral Code
Plansem Details

Wow. I actually expected more. It doesn't look much. Yay! I might be missing something.
Back to work. haha

Monday, April 6, 2009

I'm Such a Good Catholic

I was all alone this weekend sorta. I didn't know my brother was here or, I think, he arrived Sunday from a beach trip. I dunno. We don't talk. I did nothing but download, watch, and play stuff online. I had no form of interaction with any human being coz: (a) we're helper-less now and (b) i was invi in ym. haha

Anyhoo, today, my family arrived from different places. My dad from Pampanga because he attended a wake and a burial. And the rest, from Bohol for a vacation. My mom asked me to bring to my room a cross made out of coconut leaves she brought from there. She said she had it blessed. I told her, "Ayaw ko nga. Multuhin pa ako. haha."

I went back to my room and surf-ed the net again. I read a blog of a friend who's in Singapore talking about palm leaves and how rare those are there. Then, I realized it was Palm Sunday yesterday. Dammit. No one reminded me. haha

Sorry Jesus. I'll remember next time.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Bum Life

I have nothing to do! Super. haha

My parents and most of my siblings are gone for the weekend so I am sorta alone and has nothing to do. Today, i am having my Simpsons marathon. haha To add to that, all I've been eating are junk food. Weeee.

My neck is kinda hurting from too much Simspons. Bummer.

Saturday, April 4, 2009


My QPI for the 2nd sem is 3. It's lower than I expected but I am fine with it. Damn DS class for giving me a B instead of an A. haha. We all expected an A.

Philo B+
Social Marketing B
Econometrics C+
Dev't Eco B

I don't deserve my grade in IPE and Metrics. The professors were just really nice, i guess. I deserve a higher grade for Social Marketing and Dev't Eco. My Dev't Eco prof is crazy. My blockmates who took the final exam (I didn't) increased their grades by 2 or 3 letter marks. Super daya.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Block Love

I just came home from Tagaytay. I was with my blockmates. We had soooooooooooooooooooooooo much fun!!! haha Super duper fun. hahaha

I'm off to Caliraya tomorrow for the COA Plevsem. I really am not excited; i am pretty aprehensive, quite honestly. AND, i have yet to start with all the preparations for tomorrow. I can do this.

I love you Block F!!!!! hahahaha

Saturday, March 28, 2009


School's over. Yipee. But why the heck am I so stressed still? Argh.

I'm doing mostly org/block/me stuff and it is stressful! hahaha

I'll be off to Tagaytay tomorrow for our Block Outing. I'm so excited for this. I hope nothing bad happens. We'll be back in Manila Tuesday night. Then, on Wednesday, I'll be off to Caliraya for the COA Formsem. I'm kinda not excited about this because I am not too familiar with the other org presidents. I just hope I enjoy this one. haha. Though, I have yet to prepare for the Formsem. Fudges. haha

Thursday, March 26, 2009


There are things in life that we get but we do not, honestly, deserve. I welcome such things because they make life a little better and easier. Today, I had my philo orals. I started to study only yesterday. 2 hours of lecture from my blockmates and 2 hours of "reviewing" my notes. That's the only time I devoted for my orals. I knew I would flunk it anyway.

Anyhoo, I was panicking terribly before the orals. I was preparing myself to tell my professor that I won't do the exam and to just give me an F. An F in the orals would mean a C+ for my final mark. I was so ready to tell him that.

BUT NO, I got the joker (for the 2nd time!!!!). It meant i could choose whatever thesis statement that I wanted to explain. Ofcourse, I chose the statement about Marx coz I've been studying Marxist Eco the whole semester. I did fine in my orals. Thank God.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Metrics Today; Philo Tomorrow

I had my Metrics finals today and it was horrible. After that test, I need a 71 to maintain my C+; fat chance. I'm so over it. I'm not in a very bad state anyway. I am just hoping that not a lot of people will take Metrics again next sem. It's highly likely that a lot of my blockmates will. God bless us.

I am so nervous about my philo orals. OMG. As in. Shit. I am so nervous. I know I will do so bad tomorrow. I don't know anything. I will ust make myself look stupid tomorrow in front of Jesus Christ (Pasco.) Shit. Pray for me.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Dev't Eco Love

I just realized it now: my Dev't Eco grade will pull my grades down in a bongga way. haha

I got my prefinal mark today; a C+ thanks to my oh-so-amazing 2nd LT. Before the 2nd LT, i was a solid B+ with hope of an A. But no, after that 2nd LT, fat chance.

I started out so well and, yet, ended so waley. haha

I am hoping for magic to happen.

Tony Blair

I'm still at awe that I got the opportunity to listen to Tony Blair's talk a while ago. The registration started at 8am; we were all there by 8am. The actual talk started 10am. We were sooooooooo bored for 2 hours doing such crazy things. haha

It ended by 11.10am. Grabe. Tony Blair was brillant, witty, and charismatic.

Above all, today, after listening to his talk and having understood it perfectly thanks to my Economics classes, I felt proud and priviledged to be an Eco Major. That's a first. haha

Friday, March 20, 2009


It's my Philo orals on Thursday and I am soooooo scared for my life already. I got my Philo LT2 the other day and I got a 3.5; my 1st was also a 3.5. For my quizzes, I got 3 4's and a 0 but the lowes is cancellable so I'll get an A for the quiz component. I'm basically at the same situation that I was in last sem. I need an A in my orals to get an A in my final mark and I need a C+ to maintain my B+.

Fat chance. Shet. I will do terrible in my orals, i just know it. I have been cutting class, not listening to Pasco and not taking down notes. I need a miracle.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


We have a Dev't Economics LT tomorrow. The only LT I have the for this week, the week before finals. Whattalife. haha I found out from Domdom today that Economics has the lowest number of units in the entire Ateneo. That explains why I am not stressing this week. haha

Anyhoo, I've been reading a lot for the test tomorrow. I started reading yesterday. I've read around half of the readings already. 100 more sheets to go! The test would mostly be about the financial crisis, the housing bubble, mortages, subprimes, etc. haha A while ago, i was reading in the library and decided to have a "break." I read the newspaper.

My horoscope: Avoid important financial discussions. Don't ask for a loan or a mortage today.

If i followed my horoscope, I'd be so dead tomorrow. haha


N.B. I passed the Econometrics LT 2 that I thought I would fail terribly. I really was worried that I'd get a 20 something. I passed. Yay!

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Scared of Philo

Argh. It's 11.52pm now. I only have around 12 hours to make my Philo paper. I am not at page 1. Fart. haha

I chose not to do it the past 2 days. Now, I must suffer. haha I still don't know what to write about. Yipee.

Go BRAIN! You can do it.


I need to make a philosophical review of "Bicycle Thief" for class. It's a really old Italian movie. The paper's worth 20% of my final grade, i think. The problem is I just don't have the will power to make it. And I don't know what to write about. I haven't been listening in class nor reading the readings. Fart. haha (This will be the exact problem I'll face next week for Philo orals!!)

I hope I can do it by tonight. It's due 12nn tomorrow. I can't believe I am finding it hard difficult to write this paper. :|

Thursday, March 12, 2009

QPI Woes

I don't know why I suddenly decided to compute my QPI. Now, I'm bothered. haha

This semester has been relatively light (15 units) and easy. The only problem area would be my Eco classes because I'm hell good in Eco. hahaha

My realistic QPI would be around a 3.0. My optimistic QPI would be a 3.3. And my God-gave-me-a-miracle QPI would be a 3.4.

It all depends of my Econometrics. If the 2nd LT didn't happen, the 3.3 would have been still realistic. Fart. I hope I do well.


My blockmates and I decided not to go to Dev't Eco class today to protest against our professor because she hasn't returned the test we took last January 15, 2 months ago. The weird thing is that she brought it like 3 weeks ago but never gave it back. Then, promised last Tuesday that she'd give it back last Thursday and would give us plus 10 points if she didn't. She didn't. And she didn't give us the bonus points. Last Thursday, she told us that she'd leave it at the Eco Department on Saturday. She never did. She emailed us that she had an "emergency meeting" to go to and would just post our grades online. She never did.

Anyhoo, today, she gave it back, but I wasn't there to get my paper so I have to wait 4 more days to see my score. Fart. Worse, according to my classmates from that class, the professor told the class that "Kris" got the "highest" score. They all assumed it was me, but there are two Kris's in that class!! And I don't want to be disappointed if I weren't the right Kris she was pertaining too so I'm trying my best not to expect. haha

The excitement is killing me. 4 more days. haha

Monday, March 9, 2009

Nerd Mode

This is my first nerd mode day in like 2 months. And I am not accustomed to it.

As soon as I arrived in school, I went directly to Matteo to check up on my blockmates. I dropped my bag and I felt the urge to go to the library when I found out some of them were there. So, I ditched my blockmates in Matteo and went to the library to do Dev't Eco. I read 4 newspapers; front page to the last. I needed to look for an article to report on in class. I started feeling woozy afterwards.

Then, I went to the Comp Lab to print the Logit and Linear Probability powerpoints for Metrics class. Useless. I just wasted 40php because it wasn't used in class. Anyhoo, Metrics class was so, uhm, "dettached." I couldn't concentrate because it was so difficult to breathe due to the heat!

After class, quick lunch with my blockmates then back to the Comp Lab to type my report for tomorrow. By 3:30pm, I had a major headache. My brain is throbbing hard.

When I got home, I slept immediately. My brain was not able to cope with the "academic" stuff that I did today. I don't like nerd mode.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Opening Up

Lately, a lot of people have been opening up to me about their personal lives. My friends have been sharing with me stuff that they feel they can't share with their other friends. And I've been opening up to my friends also.

It's pretty weird because, i think, people think that i am very chismoso and yet a lot of people share with me their most intimate selves. And I really appreciate the trust people give me. Trust me, I never share to other people things that my friends specifically told me not to tell.

I guess I've earned people's trust. And those around me have earned my trust as well. I am just so thankful to be blessed with good people around me.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Bore Me (Yawn)

I do not know how we ended up this way.
It wasn't awkward. We are perfectly at ease with each other.
We used to have so much fun together.

I've been feeling this the whole semester.
I hope we get back to how things used to be.


A friend has been in "trouble" for the past few weeks. He has been unusually sad. I found out why today. I don't want to elaborate. He never really intended to share those with me. I was just at right place at the right time.

His honesty, maturity, and respect was truly refreshing. I look up to him for these.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Jesus and Gravity

I've got
Somethin' lifting me up
Somethin' holding me down
Somethin' to give me wings
Somethin' to keep my feet on the ground
I've got all I need
Jesus and gravity

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Firo-B Test Results

We got our Firo-B test results during class a while ago. This test deals with how we interact with other people. I was so amazed by the results. We took it last July, i think. There was a series of situations and we were asked to choose what we were gonna do.

0-1 Very Low
2-3 Low
4-5 Average
6-7 High
8-9 Very High

Here's the summary my results:
n.b. Interpretation of guidance office score my interpretation


1. I make efforts to include other people in my activities and to get them to include me in their. I try to belong, to join social groups, to be with people as much as possible. 6
- Yes, I cannot stand being alone. Hahahaha. YES! I love being with people!!!
2. I want other people to include me in their activities and to invite me to belong, even if I do not make an effort to be included. 7
-SO invite me to your whatever's (lunch/ tambay/ dinner) haha
-I really appreciate it when people do invite me!

3. I try to exert control and influence over things. I can take charge of things and tell other people what to do. 9
- "Leadership skills" daw
- Control freak much. Hahaha.
4. I want others to control and influence me. 7
-I listen to other people's opinions. Naks. haha

5. I make efforts to become close to people.
I express friendly and affectionate feelings and try to be personal and intimate. 7
-I love to make people feel that i love them.
- If you're loved by me, you would know.
6. I want others to express friendly and affectionate feelings toward me. 2
-Basta. I get awkward.

AMAZING. This test really got me.

Those numbers are really high compared to my classmates. Most of them got 2's and 3's.

This test basically slapped me with the reality of who I am now. Wow.