Sunday, December 28, 2008
I also promised 2 professors that I’ll study over the break. Templo was complaining before the break began that no one will study over the break. I joked: “Mag-aaral na nga ako.” She heard me and gave me a salute. The photocopied readings’ worth 120php, go figure how many pages that is. Also, Sir George was also complaining that we won’t do our DS project over the break, “Class, you won’t do it over the break, right?” Being the joker that I am, I shouted “Wrong!” He gave me a high-five. Now, I have to fulfill these “promises.”
Furthermore, YES is having a logistical problem. I don’t think we can actually get 250 people to fill the Leong Auditorium. We were expecting 120 for heaven’s sake. Fart. Now, we need 250. I’m planning to use my HS “contacts” to fill Leong. I’m going to AHS as soon as classes start to persuade the TD/Eco teachers there to give incentives or require their students to go. I hope it works.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
I must say... I keep on repeating the same mistakes over and over again. Maybe this can be a good new year's resolution.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
I feel really appreciated. Babaw. hahaha. She doesn't really talk and i wasn't certain if we have a connection whatsoever. And the gift is like her token of appreciation for me. Chos. hahaha
See? "Unannounced" and "unexpected" gifts are accepted better.
Monday, December 15, 2008
These are the classes I have left for the year:
1 Dev't Eco
1 Social Marketing
Tomorrow, I only have 1 class and it's my 6-9pm, which is so cuttable. I wanna cut but I won't. I don't know why but I actually prefer to be at school than home. Odd.
Thursday is not so cuttable. Dev't Eco in the morning. Then, 9 and a half hours of free time. Then, philo. Though, i don't want to go to Dev't Eco because she will give out donuts and I am so sure that she will joke about me, my weight, and the donuts. Damn that woman.
I don't have class on Friday anymore BUT I'll be in school because we'll have our block Xmas thingy. I hope it pushes through.
12nn came. He wasn't there. He was late; 20 minutes late! Argh. I thought he wouldn't be late. Good thing my daughters accompanied me while I was waiting for him.
The usual things happened: kumustahan, reflecting back on HS, talking about stuff, blah. But no, this geek (what do you expect? birds of the same feather, flock together) took him away. hahaha It's okay. I had class already.
I hope to spend more time with him before he leaves for the States again. I really enjoyed this day. I just realized how much I miss all of his antics and the noise he produces when he laughs so hard. hahaha
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Worse, the SRD (Statement of Reciepts and Disbursements) of AEA for the 1st sem is there. And that's the only copy I have left. Fudge. I am not sure if I can ask copy from OSA.
Worst, we need a copy of the 1st sem SRD to fulfill the YES Report for OSA. Every YES report is graded by OSA.
Without the my USB, there will be no SRD, which will lead to a low grade for AEA in the YES Report.
Friday, December 12, 2008
I gave out my Xmas gifts yday after the GA. Forgive me for the waleyness of the GA. We weren't prepared to host. I've learned my lesson already. haha I hope you all like my gift.
Anyhoo, a lot messaged me about how cute my gift was and blah. But nobody told me that they were famous. Thanks to the one who informed me of who they were. Cuteness. Kawaii.
Monokuroboo! Supposedly, monokuro stands for monochrome because the designed of these cute-little-pigs believed that not all kawaii things are colored. And the boo stands for oink. Who knew that oink in Japanese is "boo"? Hahaha.
I couldn't agree more.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
I stayed in school until 9:40pm just so when i get home I'd be so tired that I'd go straight to bed. I needed time to think and reflect. Just as expected, I got home and went straight to bed. I wanted to sleep my thoughts over so I won't think about them anymore but I can't escape from them. I woke up 12mn with a sigh. I didn't want to wake up because I knew I'd just mess up with my mind. And so i did, mess with my mind. I slept at around 4am.
4 hours of thinking about the present and how afraid I am of the future.
4 hours of frustration.
4 hours of sighs and arghs.
4 hours of causing myself agony.
4 hours of thinking about it.
Woke up 6am today. Still, my thoughts are bothering me. I want to escape them but how do i actually escape myself? It is I that is causing me agony. It is I that I should conquer.
BUT, never hug mode again... ever.
It took me two months to muster the courage (and sanity) to talk to her.
I hope we don't fight again.
I just realized how much time (my time) I wasted on thinking about my frustration/ anger towards her. Fart. haha
The last thing I told her was I wanna know everything she has ever told against me because sooner of later I will know. She said nothing more. I hope she meant it because we'll just keep on fighting if I find out anything again.
Peace. For Now.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Domdom didn't go to class so she sent one of her friends. He said it was going to be easy. We could do it in 15 mins daw. SIR, you're taking up grad studies! OKAY? I finished in an hour. We were allowed to open our notes pa ha. Argh. I studied Hypothesis testing... BUT no, the quiz was about parameter testing and ANOVA. Argh.
After the quiz, my blockmate and I were shouting out of joy. We had the same freaking answer. Beta 2 is 27.125 and Beta 1 is 1.66. Turns out we used the same wrong "formula." Good job. I'll still keep my hopes high that we actually used the correct one and they used the wrong one. Hahaha.
Monday, December 8, 2008
I can't wait for the one in Japan. I miss him so much.
If you're sad, most likely, I will be too.
If you greet me with a huge smile, I may even hug you out of joy.
If you act like you don't want to see me, as much as it hurts, I'll try avoid you, even though I don't want to. I believe that distance and space is key. But I know I can't.
If you talk to me, I'll talk more.
If you wanna remain awkward, there's nothing I can do. I don't know how to "cure" it. I just hope it gets better because it saddens me.
Please. Don't let this happen just because of that. I don't want us to remain awkward because I do not know how to respond.
I believe this will strengthen our friendship but, right now, this is causing me distress. Argh.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
And the class i love to cut is... Philo. Surprising, for most. I loved Philo last sem. It was my stellar a.k.a. QPI saver class. But this sem, Philo has become boring and redundant. And the urge to play Rock Band with friends is too strong. hahaha
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Teach/ study with my blockmate Metrics
Have tarp for Strains Clirel Week printed
Go to IAC to ask for Frisbee referee for Kythe Week
Prepare for Metrics/ Alone time
DOM DOM DOM DOM
Lunch with Blockmates/ make YES emailer
YES Quizbee Meeting/ Sparkle Banner Meeting
AEA Execom Meeting
YES Ads Photoshoot
InTACT FASS GA
Strains General Leadership Assessment Module GA
Social Marketing Class
I'll be in school for exactly 12hours. Headache.
How will I divide myself? Hahaha. Kere 'to.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
I tried sleeping, but I couldn't, so I just played PSP until 1:30am... BAD MOVE.
I have a 7.30am class today and I was supposed to wake up at 5:30am so I can avoid Katipunan traffic. I woke up at 6:20am. Darn it. I wasn't late for class but the stress level of the rush to school and the traffic really made me moody. I'm usually moody in the morning but add stress to that and my blockmates know that they better not talk to me. But, I'm no longer moody. Class was fun.
Seriously, getting up in the morning is really getting tough. Argh.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Everyone was nervous. We thought it would be so difficult. My block had a group study in Matteo for 2 hours just to help each other out. It didn't really help much. hahaha
The quiz was relatively easy. It was certainly easier that expected!! YAY.
I think I did pretty well in that quiz. Yay!
The first thing that Pasco said to class was that he didn't want to teach. He was tired because he had to accompany somebody somewhere early in the morning. But, we can't afford not to have the session because we were affected by the cancellation of classes last thurday.
Anyhoo, he taught Philo (for a few minutes). Then, he wandered off to his childhood memories. We talked about firecrackers, chinese garter, dampa, text, watusi, piko, jackstone, etc. He told stories about how his childhood was like.
Back to Philo (for a few minutes). Then, suddenly, the chalk started to make a schreech noise. He tried to write in script to minimize the noise.
Suddenly, "Anong letter yung hirap kayo na isulat sa script?"
We started giving him letters that were hard to write in script. I, seriously, don't even know how to write some of them anymore. We did thsi for like 15 minutes.
Seriously, the rumors are true. Pasco becomes unispired and tired by the 2nd semester.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Anyhoo, I was terribly sleepy in class, until... I saw this doodle on my desk. Picture this: a man's d*ck and pacman (the real pacman, not manny pacquiao) biting/ sucking/whatever-ing it. It was hilarious. I swear. Then, right next to the doodle: "Hindi ata Pacman. Fuckman ata. Lolz."
Excitedly, I showed it to my seatmate. She couldn't stop cackling. I told her to shut up because class was still on-going. haha
After class, i got a message from a friend that they were in the org room. I went straight to the org room because I was excited to see them. Yikee.
Of course I told them about the doodle I saw on my desk. BUT NO. They had worse. They showed me their reading for Filipino. It was about doodles you see inside the washroom. I read most of categories out loud. WAHAHAHA. That reading is too much for Freshies. All kinds of sexual jargon were there.
ADS, sorry for the profanity.
Freshies, I enjoyed tambay. Next time, bullshit!And, go to the spotsfest. You'll be my entertainment. And vice versa. haha
This is all it it said:
"come to the US pls it will be fun"
I really love that kid. Her name is Alex. I've known her through stories since she was around 4. She's half-Italian, i think. When she was 4, my mom would tell me that she was the sweetest kid ever and that she would affectionately call my mom "grandma in red" coz my mom would always wear the same red sweat shirt when she was in the US.
A year ago, she, with her mom, went to the Philippines. Instant click. They stayed here for like a month and she would always look for me whenever my mom would visit them in the hotel. Everyone noticed how much we adored each other.
When she got back in the States, she would even call me up to ask how my turtles are doing or did the dog grow already. She even asked my dad, who just arrived from the US, to give me a watch. Yep, she chose the watch I'm wearing to school now. Sweet.
Yes, Alex, I wanna go to the States. I hope (wish, actually) by May. *fingers crossed*
Sunday, November 23, 2008
I'm pretty patient as long as you don't get personal. I know that you don't like InTACT. I also never did. I volunteered to be a faci because I thought I can broaden my horizons and expand my cirle with being a faci. BUT NO. You guys are so ungrateful. I swear. I'm really nice to you already. I dunno why we can't seem to click. If I only got any of the Eco blocks, it would have been heavenly.
What's even more frustrating for me is the fact that right next to our class is the Eco block. They were with me right before we started class, and we had so much fun.
I tried to contain my anger in class. I know I'll "lose" if I exploded. I was about to explode. I didn't. I just released some steam. I just raised my voice and told you to settle down, don't push your issues and shut up. Lucero made you do that stupid presentation. I didn't.
Also, Lucero, you are to blame. This is your nth cut. You're sick? YEAH RIGHT. What kind of "professional" facilitator are you?
Saturday, November 22, 2008
I'm certainly more quiet and reflective this semester. (Oddly enough, last sem, I was asking God to lessen my noise. But now that I'm more quiet and reflective, it's driving me nuts. Be careful what you wish for 'coz you just might get it. Get it? I'm over-thinking things.)
I'm not sure if I can be extra perky enough to host it.
Still, depends on who I'm hosting with. If I'll do it with close friends, maybe.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Today, my blockmate texted me that they (I assumed that "they" means my blockmates) missed me during class and that they had figured out that I didn't go to class because I was too tamad. You know me well. haha
During Metrics class today, another blockmate told me that they missed me during class. "Wow. These people really love me", I thought to myself. Not really. haha
Then she continues... "Templo missed you."
"Huh? Why?", i asked. "Is it because I did so well and made perfect sense during class the other day?", I thought to myself. Yabang.
"We we're talking about calories!"
Wow, ma'am. Thanks.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
For example, Bill Gates (Microsoft) / Steve Jobs (Apple) / Eric Schmidt (Google) were all born in the year 1955. And the computer boom started in 1975. All of them were 20 years of age back then. 20 is the perfect age to try something new (computers, back then) since you really don't have anything to lose. Basta. haha
It's really interesting. I want to buy the book.
Here's an article from Time Magazine:
Outliers: Malcolm Gladwell's Success Story
He started with the lawyers. "Why do they all have the same biography?" he wondered. "We take it for granted that there's this guy in New York who's the corporate lawyer, right? I just was curious: Why is it all the same guy?" It takes a special kind of brain to be curious about New York City lawyers. Such a brain belongs to Malcolm Gladwell, 45, author of The Tipping Point and Blink, the founding documents of the now best-selling genre of pop economics, which together have sold more than 4.5 million copies.
Slender, with elfin cheekbones and a distinctive bloom of spirally brown hair, Gladwell is one of those clever people who actually looks clever. His curiosity about high-achieving lawyers was the germ of his third book, Outliers, which will be published Nov. 18. It's a book about exceptional people: smart people, rich people, successful people, people who operate at the extreme outer edge of what is statistically possible. Robert Oppenheimer. Bill Gates. The Beatles. And yes, fancy lawyers.
Gladwell's goal is to adjust our understanding of how people like that get to where they are. Instead of the Horatio Alger story of success — a gifted child who through heroic striving within a meritocratic system becomes a successful (rich, famous, fill in your life goal here) adult — Outliers tells a story about the context in which success takes place: family, culture, friendship, childhood, accidents of birth and history and geography. "It's not enough to ask what successful people are like," Gladwell writes. "It is only by asking where they are from that we can unravel the logic behind who succeeds and who doesn't." Outliers is, in its genteel Gladwellian way, a frontal assault on the great American myth of the self-made man. (And they mostly are men. There aren't a lot of women outliers in Outliers.)
In some ways, Gladwell himself is, if not an outlier, then at least an outsider. He is both the son of a Jamaican woman in overwhelmingly white Canada and an academic kid from a working-class town (Elmira, Ont.). But the outsider had an in: his father, a mathematician, brought him into the rarefied world of the university. That context is not unconnected to his later success. "As a kid, 11 or something, we would go to his office, and I would wander round," he says. "I got that sense that everybody was so friendly, and their doors were open. I sort of fell in love with libraries at the same time." Now Gladwell, a New Yorker staff writer, specializes in milling crunchy academic material — psychology experiments, sociological studies, law articles, statistical surveys of plane crashes and classical musicians and hockey players — into prose so silky and accessible, it passes directly into the popular imagination in the form of memes. The most obvious candidate for memification in Outliers is a little gem Gladwell calls the 10,000-Hour Rule. Studies suggest that the key to success in any field has nothing to do with talent. It's simply practice, 10,000 hours of it — 20 hours a week for 10 years.
Outliers is a more personal book than its predecessors are. If you hold it up to the light, at the right angle, you can read it as a coded autobiography: a successful man trying to figure out his own context, how success happened to him and what it means. Gladwell is asking, as he puts it over lunch, "whether successful people deserve the praise we heap on them."
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
I really love our family. It's one of the reasons why I enjoy school. Even though we don't get to spend a lot of time together, you're all so special to me.
Last week, I was talking to a friend. She said she liked our family. I couldn't help but gush about how happy and proud I am of our family. You have no idea how proud I am of you guys.
Bullshit session one of these days!! It's been a month.
Sir and Friends have been practicing so hard.
I had a meeting with my co-project heads a while ago to discuss YES. YES or Youth Economics Summit is a day-long seminar for HS kids. It seems so promising.
To be honest, at first (like 2 weeks ago), I was scared that I couldn't handle or I don't know how to handle org projects anymore. It's been 3 years since I headed a project. Back then, I was so used to doing org projects that it came so effortlessly. Seriously. But, my experience with YES is different. I had difficulty pulling things together.
But after that meeting, wow; I know we'll do well. I really believe we will.
2 months to go!! Actually, I'm not used to taking my time doing org projects.
I can't wait. I'm so excited.
Monday, November 17, 2008
But, no one really told me that this (Junior yr) would be this damn difficult. Freshman year and Sophomore year is like chicken shit compared to this. Argh.
At least, with Calculus and Accounting, you can simply use logic and a bit of luck and you're good to go. But with Econometrics, it's like I see stars when i see those whatchamacallits. Stressful prof
I'd gladly take Calculus and Accounting again (over and over again) rather than what I'm taking now. I envy those Freshmen who think they're life's so difficult.
Dearies, wait 'til Junior year.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
The reading was about Freedom. I believe Skinner more than Sartre.
We are all bound by our histrocity.
We are controlled by our past behavior and external factors (environmental, psychological, and educational which shaped our present character and personalities.)
We are never free.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
I replied: "I'm to the point that I'm not angry, but I just don't really care anymore. I don't know why we need to talk and if it will settle anything. I dunno. Give me a few minutes to think if I wanna talk."
I never replied again.
I know, it's a bit dramatic of me.
I've just been so down lately that I am too tired to think of things to tell her. I don't even remember the numerous reasons why I got mad at her. Maybe, it's time we talk.
Interestingly, a few hours after she texted me, I said "hi" to her, unknowingly. My blockmates and I were outside the library planning our lunch for my 7 and 1/2 hour break. My blockmate suddenly says "Oh my god. Guess who's coming." I panicked. I said "hi" to her. Then, i frowned. Damn you, blockmate!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Unfortunately, DS101 will not be credited for my Minor. FAIL. He gave me the option to stay or choose another DS class that will be credited. I chose to move.
I just came from the Dev't Department to move to another class. I was moved to a 6-9pm class every Wednesday. That's another 4 and 1/2 hours break time for me. Wow. Why are all of our schedules so effed-up?
Monday, November 10, 2008
I had a huge chat with a friend; yes, you. But I won't divulge the details. I know you won't like it. Yes, i understand you but we really can't do anything about it. I think I'll spend a whole lot of time with you this sem (except TTH coz we won't really see each other). I'm looking forward to it.
Anyhoo, Econometrics= Ma11 + Ma20 + Ec102 + Ec111 + Ec112 + Ec115 + Ec116. Seriously, make or break. Break, break, break. Joke. Someone told me that when I don't believe I can't do something, it really affects my performance so... I encircled that A in the syllabus as my target grade. Whattajoke. I loved our prof, for now. If I fail this class (though, we believe, no one ever fails a higher Eco class because failing one will lead to a delay of a year which the department can't afford), maybe I should really find what I'm passionate about. Dancing and singing, right, ma'am?
Btw, people are extra jolly/ perky/ energetic today. Okay. I'm not really a fan of everyone being so energetic. Chill. I hope it dies down soon. It will, hopefully. And those that I expected to be jolly, were cold and aloof. I hope things normalize soon.
Tomorrow will be heavy. 7:30am class. Then, 4 and 1/2 hours break. Then, 4 and 1/2 hours of class. I didn't realize that my sched looked like that until last Saturday.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
BUT, i'm excited to see all of my friends again.
Must do better this sem. Last sem was horrible. I hope I do well and have fun this sem.
Though, it really sucks that I only have 1 class for MWF. That means my TTH is absolutely heavy. BUT, that means I can devote my MWFs to orgs!! Yay.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
I’ve been looking for my flash disk for a couple of days now. I thought I lost it. Turn out; I left it inside the pocket of my pants. Well, my pants, the flash disk included, were washed today. Nice.
“Oh no! My precious files! Oh no. I have to buy another one again for the nth time.”, I thought to myself. Well, not really. I’m just bored.
I didn’t think it’ll work still but, yes; it still does. And all the (useless) files are still there.
Lucky me. Weeeeeee.
Friday, November 7, 2008
I was early so I decided to tour my blockmate, who's from LSGH, around AHS. I was so happy and excited while I was showing him around. I remembered a lot of memories. I really left my heart in the HS. There are still a lot of familiar faces that I said hello to. Of course, I visited OSA and our dear Officer Jenny. She was so shocked to see me.
Anyhoo, as we were buying from the cafeteria, I saw a familiar face. I wasn't sure, at first, if it was him. I stopped a few feet in front of him. We looked at each other, trying to remember who's who.
"Joe-Nel?", I asked.
"Uy! =)", gives me a high five.
And then we chatted.
He was my TD kid, 3 years ago. He was a grade five student at Barangka Elem; now, he's a sophomore at AHS, an eMboy pa. TD is a program in AHS where the Seniors go to various public elementary schools weekly to teach grade 5 or 6 students Math/ English.
I found out that the other boy is also now an Atenean. And the two girls are studying at St. Scho Marikina.
I'm happy I went back to AHS.
I'm happy that I saw my TD-kid-turned-Atenean.
I'm happy because I think I made this world, or atleast the life of my TD kids, a tad better.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
After a few seconds, I forgot what I was excited about. And I realized that there’s nothing to look forward to today or a reason to start my day this early. I could very well sleep ‘til 2pm and nothing will change.
I hope I remember what I was excited about.
Or I hope that feeling was an omen that something good will happen today.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Still, Christmas ain’t what it used to be. It’s certainly less exciting. It’s probably because I’ve already grown up. Christmas is for kids, I believe. If this is what it entails to be an adult (i.e. losing my wonderment and amazement at things that are celebrated), I think, I wanna be a kid again even just for the Holiday season.
Or is it just because I’ve already spent 19 Christmas celebrations without truly valuing and appreciating things that make Christmas truly special? It’s so easy to get caught up in all the fanfare. This Christmas, I want to be amazed again. I want to feel that warm and ecstatic feeling inside of me just because I’m around family and friends.
Merry Christmas! I hope I’m the first person to greet you.
First, my schedule for next semester. I enlisted online last Thursday to no avail because I am part of the 4th batch. I was supposed to take IPE as my Eco elective, BUT NO, there were no slots left. Actually, no Eco elective was available for me. The only elective left was Money and Banking which is exclusively for MeCo. So, i still don't have an Eco elective. I don't understand why I do not have an elective yet. I even went to the department a month ago to get my advisement and sign-up for the IPE class.
I heard from my blockmates that they tried calling up the department to fix their classes, BUT NO, the department secretaries repeatedly hung up on them. Rude.
It's regular registration for me on Friday. Darn it. I hope I can fix my schedule. Right now, my TTH is really heavy. And only 1 class for MWF.
Second, I have yet to finalize the plans for a project I'm heading for my home org. We did small planning during the EvSem but I kind of lost track of the things we talked about. My bad. It's not that the project is stressful, it's just that it's on the back my head constantly. Once I've finalized everything, i can forget about it. Though, I'm really excited because I love the people I'm working with. Seriously.And I'm really going to make that project the best, biggest, and fun(nest) project this org has ever had to prove someone that I can.
Third, lack of desire to pursue InTACT. Yes, I like my Freshies, but the class has been a burden, really. It's just that I've been doing everything for the class. I have a partner professional facilitator to handle the class, but I've been doing practically everything for the class. It's been too demanding for me. I have other commitments. I can't handle the weekly training sessions and the various activities that they make us go to. But I can't do anything anymore, one more semester and it's over.
Fourth, I'm excited for school. I can't wait to see everyone, especially you; yes, you. BUT, I'm so sick and tired of schoolwork. Argh.
Fifth, thoughts. I've been doing a lot of thinking over the semestral break and it's really bothersome. What I've blogged about still hold true for me.
It's just probably that I have too much time to think. Can't wait for school to begin again.
Friday, October 31, 2008
As i was eating my BigMac, I realized something.
A pickle fell off of my burger. I picked it up and ate it. I didn't understand why i chose to swallow it. I don't like pickes. They are sour and odd. But still, i chose to eat it.
Burgers are flat and boring.
Pickles make or help make them round and a tad more interesting.
Maybe that's why i chose to eat my pickle.
A pickle once in a while ain't bad.
But, for now, I'm tired of pickles.
Maybe, a chili burger might be good.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
I’ll be back in Manila by the 4th of November.
According to Wiki, Multiply’s still blocked in China.
I’m hoping Blogspot and Yahoo Messenger are not.
Or else… I’ll go nuts.
Bye, World. Shit.
Though, you can still text me.
Promise. Regular text messaging rates apply for you.
China will be super-duper-mega retail therapy.
Yet, I’m not excited because I won’t be able to talk to anyone but my mom.
English scarcity. Darn it.
After 5 or 6 hours of Rock Band-ing last Friday, I went to the mall with my mom to buy groceries.
I left my mom to do the groceries and roamed for quite some time.
3 new CDs:
*Paris Bennett’s Princess P (WASTE.)
*Paramore’s Riot! (Too much Rock Band-ing)
*Ray Charles’ Genius & Friends (Love.)
1 tub of Ice Cream
1 pack of Soft Batch
5 bags of chips
Necessities for China.
I love. I enjoyed it. Retail Therapy works.
While I was browsing through the CDs, I was surprisingly greeted by my sister with a hug- a huge and sincere hug. Warm fuzzy feeling inside.
I never thought hugs still matter to me. Some people give it too easily that it seems so common; so insignificant. They hug everyone they know so their hugs lose their warmth and sincerity. It comes off as contrived.
But getting that hug from my sister was pure and warm.
When you don’t share your hugs too much, even love for that matter, it matters and means more. When you mean it, I’ll believe it. If you text (or ym) it, I’ll delete it. That sounded like Miley.
Finally, I got a mysterious phone call over the weekend that I wasn’t able to answer at first. It was from a mysterious (alien) number. From abroad, probably, I thought to myself.
Maybe from my dad who’s on vacation in Canada. Or my aunt who frequents China so much that she owns a Chinese SIM. Or my friend who’s on JTA in Japan. Or my friend who’s studying in the USA. Or a friend who's in Qatar. Or any of my cousins around the globe. It could very well be anyone.
“Hello, Dad?” was my greeting when I answered it. Turns out, it wasn’t my dad. It’s my friend who’s on JTA in Japan. He called me up for no reason in particular.
Kumustahan. It was a short phone call but it made my day.
I miss you.
I think I’m better (for now).
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Why did you have to leave when i needed you? I know we don't get along most of the time. My bad. I always shrug you off. But don't you realize that you keep me grounded and sane? Don't you realize that i need to talk to you now? I know you knew something was wrong with me before you left.
"What can make you happy? $400? *wink*", you asked me. I didn't respond. But you knew I wasn't happy. Still, you left. And, how come you didn't give me the $400 for China?! Now, i have to suck up to mom.
C'mon. Who the hell goes on a vacation for a month?? Well, my Daddy Dearest. North American tour amp.
Yesterday, he texted everyone in the family that he's lonely and that we should have gone with him. Duh. See who's lonely now?
Daddy Dearest, i miss your bitch fits. So here...
I bought 2 shopping bags full of snacks!
Mom is over feeding me like hell.
I drank a 1.5L bottle of soda yesterday!
I'm not eating my vegetables.
I had a fight with mom the other day.
I still am not eating fish. You know I hate fish.
I think kuya got into a car accident again. And mom has yet to notice.
I'm having fast food for lunch later.
Hahaha. He'd be so angry if he only knew these..
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Anyhoo, to get myself “inspired”, I thought about things that I want to live for.
1. Eat all the kinds bubblegum in the world
I love bubble gums. They make me feel at ease. Never fails me. I can chew on a gum for hours even though it doesn’t taste much anymore. Though, my jaws hurt afterwards.
2. Be a teacher
No, I don’t want to inspire children. I just think it’ll be interesting. I want to teach Asian History or Filipino at AHS only. But how the hell will I be able to do that with my major? I dunno. Haha
I’ll do this for 2 years max. But I’m seriously doubting this already because I wanna escape from all my friends and family. Though I'd still be contact friends and family when I'm out of the country, i want to be independent. I wanna start a new clean slate, which leads me to number 3.
3. Work abroad
Maybe immediately after I graduate, I’ll leave already. I want to work and live abroad where there is a very small Filipino community. If possible, none. I want to start new. Free from all the notions of the people around me of who I am and what I ought to be.
Don’t you feel the freedom when you travel alone and nobody knows you? Grabe. To die for. You can do absolutely anything you want.
4. Travel the world
It seems fun.
5. Have my own family
6. Meet Alicia Keys, Fantasia, and Nicole Scherzinger.
Achievable. At least, they’re not yet dead yet.
7. Donate a building to the Economics department of Ateneo
(My Name) Economics Hall. Yuck. But I’ll try to do this.
8. Donate another building to AHS for Student Leadership
AHS has been so kind to me. I wanna give back. I’ll name it after Officer Jenny, my favorite office assistant ever: Officer Jenny Center for Student Leadership. Wow. She’d be so happy.
9. Buy my mom the car I promised her.
I promised to buy my mom a car with a bed in it when I was 5 years old. She’s been reminding me about this ever since. What was I thinking? An ambulance? K
10. Die happy. That’s my gift to myself.
Don’t take this post as a contract. Haha. I might even don’t remember this by tomorrow. How many of these can I actually fulfill by the time I cease to exist? 1 or 2.
But recently, she’s been unavailable. I’ve tried talking to others. But no one can replace her. Sorry to all those that I bothered. Then, suddenly, from all of my friends, I talk to a college Freshman, the one who seems to be always jolly and carefree. I didn’t expect him to successfully appease me, even though it only lasted for a few hours.
In fairness to you, Freshman, I rarely listen to people’s advice but I took my time to digest your ideas. Maybe, that’s it. Maybe I’ve been living a life that’s so loud and “fun” that I can’t stand being alone with myself anymore. Maybe. That’s why these thoughts are running through my head.
Freshman, thank you for your patience. Haha. I really didn’t expect that you’d even try to appease me. And, yeah, I’ll try to do what you said: Manood ka ng dvd. Hahaha. And mag-isip ng mga aliw na bagay. Tapos be happy. And be… happy. Ewan.
It just suddenly dawned on me that there's no reason to be happy in this world. There's no reason to wake up and live my life. Living is just my way of sustaining my life. People say that having problems that keep you unhappy is better than having no reason to be happy. I find my situation worse because I am just helpless. I have no idea where i can find my happiness.
I've asked a lot of people what makes them happy? Friends. Family. Grades. Cars. Blah. Bull.
But what is left with you when all of these have gone? Nothing.
Maybe this is the dead-end that forced other people to let go. I've thought about it a lot the past few days because when there's no reason to be happy, it's just so easy to let go. And letting go is the easiest thing to do right now. But I won't. I know i won't. I hope I won't.
I hope this is just for now.