Friday, October 31, 2008
As i was eating my BigMac, I realized something.
A pickle fell off of my burger. I picked it up and ate it. I didn't understand why i chose to swallow it. I don't like pickes. They are sour and odd. But still, i chose to eat it.
Burgers are flat and boring.
Pickles make or help make them round and a tad more interesting.
Maybe that's why i chose to eat my pickle.
A pickle once in a while ain't bad.
But, for now, I'm tired of pickles.
Maybe, a chili burger might be good.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
I’ll be back in Manila by the 4th of November.
According to Wiki, Multiply’s still blocked in China.
I’m hoping Blogspot and Yahoo Messenger are not.
Or else… I’ll go nuts.
Bye, World. Shit.
Though, you can still text me.
Promise. Regular text messaging rates apply for you.
China will be super-duper-mega retail therapy.
Yet, I’m not excited because I won’t be able to talk to anyone but my mom.
English scarcity. Darn it.
After 5 or 6 hours of Rock Band-ing last Friday, I went to the mall with my mom to buy groceries.
I left my mom to do the groceries and roamed for quite some time.
3 new CDs:
*Paris Bennett’s Princess P (WASTE.)
*Paramore’s Riot! (Too much Rock Band-ing)
*Ray Charles’ Genius & Friends (Love.)
1 tub of Ice Cream
1 pack of Soft Batch
5 bags of chips
Necessities for China.
I love. I enjoyed it. Retail Therapy works.
While I was browsing through the CDs, I was surprisingly greeted by my sister with a hug- a huge and sincere hug. Warm fuzzy feeling inside.
I never thought hugs still matter to me. Some people give it too easily that it seems so common; so insignificant. They hug everyone they know so their hugs lose their warmth and sincerity. It comes off as contrived.
But getting that hug from my sister was pure and warm.
When you don’t share your hugs too much, even love for that matter, it matters and means more. When you mean it, I’ll believe it. If you text (or ym) it, I’ll delete it. That sounded like Miley.
Finally, I got a mysterious phone call over the weekend that I wasn’t able to answer at first. It was from a mysterious (alien) number. From abroad, probably, I thought to myself.
Maybe from my dad who’s on vacation in Canada. Or my aunt who frequents China so much that she owns a Chinese SIM. Or my friend who’s on JTA in Japan. Or my friend who’s studying in the USA. Or a friend who's in Qatar. Or any of my cousins around the globe. It could very well be anyone.
“Hello, Dad?” was my greeting when I answered it. Turns out, it wasn’t my dad. It’s my friend who’s on JTA in Japan. He called me up for no reason in particular.
Kumustahan. It was a short phone call but it made my day.
I miss you.
I think I’m better (for now).
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Why did you have to leave when i needed you? I know we don't get along most of the time. My bad. I always shrug you off. But don't you realize that you keep me grounded and sane? Don't you realize that i need to talk to you now? I know you knew something was wrong with me before you left.
"What can make you happy? $400? *wink*", you asked me. I didn't respond. But you knew I wasn't happy. Still, you left. And, how come you didn't give me the $400 for China?! Now, i have to suck up to mom.
C'mon. Who the hell goes on a vacation for a month?? Well, my Daddy Dearest. North American tour amp.
Yesterday, he texted everyone in the family that he's lonely and that we should have gone with him. Duh. See who's lonely now?
Daddy Dearest, i miss your bitch fits. So here...
I bought 2 shopping bags full of snacks!
Mom is over feeding me like hell.
I drank a 1.5L bottle of soda yesterday!
I'm not eating my vegetables.
I had a fight with mom the other day.
I still am not eating fish. You know I hate fish.
I think kuya got into a car accident again. And mom has yet to notice.
I'm having fast food for lunch later.
Hahaha. He'd be so angry if he only knew these..
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Anyhoo, to get myself “inspired”, I thought about things that I want to live for.
1. Eat all the kinds bubblegum in the world
I love bubble gums. They make me feel at ease. Never fails me. I can chew on a gum for hours even though it doesn’t taste much anymore. Though, my jaws hurt afterwards.
2. Be a teacher
No, I don’t want to inspire children. I just think it’ll be interesting. I want to teach Asian History or Filipino at AHS only. But how the hell will I be able to do that with my major? I dunno. Haha
I’ll do this for 2 years max. But I’m seriously doubting this already because I wanna escape from all my friends and family. Though I'd still be contact friends and family when I'm out of the country, i want to be independent. I wanna start a new clean slate, which leads me to number 3.
3. Work abroad
Maybe immediately after I graduate, I’ll leave already. I want to work and live abroad where there is a very small Filipino community. If possible, none. I want to start new. Free from all the notions of the people around me of who I am and what I ought to be.
Don’t you feel the freedom when you travel alone and nobody knows you? Grabe. To die for. You can do absolutely anything you want.
4. Travel the world
It seems fun.
5. Have my own family
6. Meet Alicia Keys, Fantasia, and Nicole Scherzinger.
Achievable. At least, they’re not yet dead yet.
7. Donate a building to the Economics department of Ateneo
(My Name) Economics Hall. Yuck. But I’ll try to do this.
8. Donate another building to AHS for Student Leadership
AHS has been so kind to me. I wanna give back. I’ll name it after Officer Jenny, my favorite office assistant ever: Officer Jenny Center for Student Leadership. Wow. She’d be so happy.
9. Buy my mom the car I promised her.
I promised to buy my mom a car with a bed in it when I was 5 years old. She’s been reminding me about this ever since. What was I thinking? An ambulance? K
10. Die happy. That’s my gift to myself.
Don’t take this post as a contract. Haha. I might even don’t remember this by tomorrow. How many of these can I actually fulfill by the time I cease to exist? 1 or 2.
But recently, she’s been unavailable. I’ve tried talking to others. But no one can replace her. Sorry to all those that I bothered. Then, suddenly, from all of my friends, I talk to a college Freshman, the one who seems to be always jolly and carefree. I didn’t expect him to successfully appease me, even though it only lasted for a few hours.
In fairness to you, Freshman, I rarely listen to people’s advice but I took my time to digest your ideas. Maybe, that’s it. Maybe I’ve been living a life that’s so loud and “fun” that I can’t stand being alone with myself anymore. Maybe. That’s why these thoughts are running through my head.
Freshman, thank you for your patience. Haha. I really didn’t expect that you’d even try to appease me. And, yeah, I’ll try to do what you said: Manood ka ng dvd. Hahaha. And mag-isip ng mga aliw na bagay. Tapos be happy. And be… happy. Ewan.
It just suddenly dawned on me that there's no reason to be happy in this world. There's no reason to wake up and live my life. Living is just my way of sustaining my life. People say that having problems that keep you unhappy is better than having no reason to be happy. I find my situation worse because I am just helpless. I have no idea where i can find my happiness.
I've asked a lot of people what makes them happy? Friends. Family. Grades. Cars. Blah. Bull.
But what is left with you when all of these have gone? Nothing.
Maybe this is the dead-end that forced other people to let go. I've thought about it a lot the past few days because when there's no reason to be happy, it's just so easy to let go. And letting go is the easiest thing to do right now. But I won't. I know i won't. I hope I won't.
I hope this is just for now.