One of my batchmates in Ateneo Economics died today. I dunno much of the details. Car accident, I heard. We were just talking about him last night in a bday party. When I woke up today from a nap, it was all over Facebook. I was shocked. I couldn't believe it. We weren't close. He was from the other block. We were just mere acquaintances. However, i felt my heart sink when I found out about the news.I was deeply affected.
I am scared. I really feel like death is slowly creeping up on me. Death has been becoming more and more of a reality. People "close" (by proximity?) to me are dying. Dad of classmates. Friends. Lolo. People close to me. When I was a kid, death did not feel like it was imminent. I knew it would happen but I sort of relegated it as a far future reality. Something I can disregard in the present.
However, recently, it is becoming an issue of the now. The death of my batchmate just made me realize how much time we waste on such trivial things. It's sad how much effort we put on dwelling on problems that are so inconsequential. Life does not end with one shitty day/problem. Life can end in an instant. And we should never take it for granted.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Random Shiz
I just woke up today and felt so evil(?). I realized how much different I am from whatever I was back in HS and the earlier parts of college. And it's kinda discomforting.
I feel like such an evil person. HAHA I haven't really been a good friend to people. I used to be pleasant (at least) towards others. I always wore that big smile. I was a friendly person. Recently, however, I dunno, I feel like something's changed. I'm more evil?
I think I've become the type to (a) prejudge people then (b) think if I wanna be their friend then (c) love 'em or shun 'em. Most of the time, I think (emphasis on think), I am a good judge of character. However, I now feel like I need to give everyone a chance.
Okay. My head is starting to have random thoughts like:
(a) I am kinda nice alone
(b) I up my evilness when I'm in my comfort zone/group
(c) I don't give people enough chances
(d) However, the current state, ironically, gives me more leeway and power (vague).
(e) I am, still, a controlling and scheming person. HAHA (Why did I just type that?)
(f) If you read this, ummmmmmm, let's stay friends, okay? HAHA
(g) It's really better to be my friend than my enemy.
(h) ^ That sounded so egoistic.
'Nuff said. Part of me wants to change.
I feel like such an evil person. HAHA I haven't really been a good friend to people. I used to be pleasant (at least) towards others. I always wore that big smile. I was a friendly person. Recently, however, I dunno, I feel like something's changed. I'm more evil?
I think I've become the type to (a) prejudge people then (b) think if I wanna be their friend then (c) love 'em or shun 'em. Most of the time, I think (emphasis on think), I am a good judge of character. However, I now feel like I need to give everyone a chance.
Okay. My head is starting to have random thoughts like:
(a) I am kinda nice alone
(b) I up my evilness when I'm in my comfort zone/group
(c) I don't give people enough chances
(d) However, the current state, ironically, gives me more leeway and power (vague).
(e) I am, still, a controlling and scheming person. HAHA (Why did I just type that?)
(f) If you read this, ummmmmmm, let's stay friends, okay? HAHA
(g) It's really better to be my friend than my enemy.
(h) ^ That sounded so egoistic.
'Nuff said. Part of me wants to change.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Gaaaaaaaah
I've always believed that I can always manage to get by. I can always do things that I want. I believed that I can.
Right now, gaaaah, I'm in the "everything-is-so-overwhelming" phase. Every little thing feels so major. Everything feels so heavy; so important. Every little decision seems so important. Examples: what time do I wake up, should I go out today, when will I do this, when will I do that, etc. Etc. I feel like I'm walking on really thin ice. I feel like one wrong move and everything will falter. Gaaaaah. I can't explain myself. I just feel lost. HAHA
Making a "wrong" decision now, would spiral to more "wrong" things happening. And that pressure (out of nowhere?) is mounting, for some reason. I don't want to make a wrong decision now that will cause more wrong things to happen.
Ugh. Life's so bleh lately. BLEH. I love this word. I just want a sense of normalcy and routine (This. Is. A. First.) back. HAHA
Right now, gaaaah, I'm in the "everything-is-so-overwhelming" phase. Every little thing feels so major. Everything feels so heavy; so important. Every little decision seems so important. Examples: what time do I wake up, should I go out today, when will I do this, when will I do that, etc. Etc. I feel like I'm walking on really thin ice. I feel like one wrong move and everything will falter. Gaaaaah. I can't explain myself. I just feel lost. HAHA
Making a "wrong" decision now, would spiral to more "wrong" things happening. And that pressure (out of nowhere?) is mounting, for some reason. I don't want to make a wrong decision now that will cause more wrong things to happen.
Ugh. Life's so bleh lately. BLEH. I love this word. I just want a sense of normalcy and routine (This. Is. A. First.) back. HAHA
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Dilemmas
Shit. I haven't blogged in a loooooong while. HAHA
Since it's been difficult (and tiring!) to look for a job, I am finally thinking about giving in to what my mom wants: more school. I've been searching online the past few weeks about programs and schools. I am so confused. Finally, I can admit, I dunno what to fucking do with my life. Will I be 063574 again? Or another school would be better? What am I going to take up? MA in Economics? Law School? Culinary School? An MA in something else??
This all started when I told my mom I had an interview for a company. "Just go to school next semester. You've already wasted a semester." Yes, I agree. HAHA School is the most feasible and practical thing to do coz (a) it's difficult to find a decent job and (b)I won't get paid well anyway. I think my allowance to school would be slightly less than what I'd be earning a day.
I dread going to job applications/exams/interviews. So when my mom told me that, I just decided that I'll stop looking for a job. HAHA This week, I've ditched 4 comapanies. Part of me knows that this is probably a flash in the pan. And that just makes me more confused.
More mind boggling shit:
The only school that will readily accept me next semester would be the Economics Department of Ateneo. I've looked at the curriculum and it seems, ummm, manageable? However, the thought of going thru Statistics and Metrics again is scaring the shit out of me. Though, part of me thinks that this just might be the perfect time to redeem myself. HAHA BUT, what if I don't? What if I suck at it more?
Law school. This is what my mom wants. But hello, this would be by June 2011! I've always wanted to be a lawyer until Junior year (?) when I just got so lazy and decided that more school would be bleh. AND, the fact that all the pressure from family that I be a lawyer just sucks. The rebel in me does not want to go law school just coz. But, in reality, I still kinda want it, I think. But heck, I don't like my parents/uncle/aunts/lolos/lolas (UMMMMM, everyone) telling me to go to law school.
I hate the fact that everyone's forcing me to go to law school just coz I knew as a child that I wanted to be a lawyer. It's like everyone's been conditioned to condition me to go to law school. That just sucks and I dunno why. HAHA Rebel me.
Culinary school seems fun! However, it's costly and I just dunno if I really want it. And I was looking at the app form, I need to take written exams and pre-school courses. WTF. I didn't know it's serious like that.
And, yeah, i forgot to tell you that the Economics Department will take me in no matter what coz I'm an alumnus. No exams/ shit. So it's really easy to get in. I dunno about the staying there.
And other MA's in other departments just won't accept me readily. I have to take the qualifying test and I might have to take extra non-degree classes which is soooooo bleh. It seems like I'm stuck in Economics if I decide to pursue an MA.
BUT! There's an MBA in the Professional Schools which takes in fresh graduates. I just don't know if they accept students during the 2nd semester. I'll call them up tomorrow to ask.
See? I dunno what to do with my life. HAHA And did I mention it's 4am? And that I always think about shit like this every night before I sleep. Not healthy.
And, I know Imma regret blogging about it tomorrow coz I know, by tomorrow, I've probably changed my mind again. Eeeeeeep. So indecisive. So unsure. So lost. I hate it.
Since it's been difficult (and tiring!) to look for a job, I am finally thinking about giving in to what my mom wants: more school. I've been searching online the past few weeks about programs and schools. I am so confused. Finally, I can admit, I dunno what to fucking do with my life. Will I be 063574 again? Or another school would be better? What am I going to take up? MA in Economics? Law School? Culinary School? An MA in something else??
This all started when I told my mom I had an interview for a company. "Just go to school next semester. You've already wasted a semester." Yes, I agree. HAHA School is the most feasible and practical thing to do coz (a) it's difficult to find a decent job and (b)I won't get paid well anyway. I think my allowance to school would be slightly less than what I'd be earning a day.
I dread going to job applications/exams/interviews. So when my mom told me that, I just decided that I'll stop looking for a job. HAHA This week, I've ditched 4 comapanies. Part of me knows that this is probably a flash in the pan. And that just makes me more confused.
More mind boggling shit:
The only school that will readily accept me next semester would be the Economics Department of Ateneo. I've looked at the curriculum and it seems, ummm, manageable? However, the thought of going thru Statistics and Metrics again is scaring the shit out of me. Though, part of me thinks that this just might be the perfect time to redeem myself. HAHA BUT, what if I don't? What if I suck at it more?
Law school. This is what my mom wants. But hello, this would be by June 2011! I've always wanted to be a lawyer until Junior year (?) when I just got so lazy and decided that more school would be bleh. AND, the fact that all the pressure from family that I be a lawyer just sucks. The rebel in me does not want to go law school just coz. But, in reality, I still kinda want it, I think. But heck, I don't like my parents/uncle/aunts/lolos/lolas (UMMMMM, everyone) telling me to go to law school.
I hate the fact that everyone's forcing me to go to law school just coz I knew as a child that I wanted to be a lawyer. It's like everyone's been conditioned to condition me to go to law school. That just sucks and I dunno why. HAHA Rebel me.
Culinary school seems fun! However, it's costly and I just dunno if I really want it. And I was looking at the app form, I need to take written exams and pre-school courses. WTF. I didn't know it's serious like that.
And, yeah, i forgot to tell you that the Economics Department will take me in no matter what coz I'm an alumnus. No exams/ shit. So it's really easy to get in. I dunno about the staying there.
And other MA's in other departments just won't accept me readily. I have to take the qualifying test and I might have to take extra non-degree classes which is soooooo bleh. It seems like I'm stuck in Economics if I decide to pursue an MA.
BUT! There's an MBA in the Professional Schools which takes in fresh graduates. I just don't know if they accept students during the 2nd semester. I'll call them up tomorrow to ask.
See? I dunno what to do with my life. HAHA And did I mention it's 4am? And that I always think about shit like this every night before I sleep. Not healthy.
And, I know Imma regret blogging about it tomorrow coz I know, by tomorrow, I've probably changed my mind again. Eeeeeeep. So indecisive. So unsure. So lost. I hate it.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Pre-Birthday Blues
HAHA. I dunno. I'm just scared to spend my birthday without a social construct aside from family. HAHA Must. Stay. Positive. hahaha
It feels weird. There's just not much to look forward to.
It feels weird. There's just not much to look forward to.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Shoulder Pains
My shoulder bone/joint popped out. I dislocated my right arm. Booooooo. Clumsy me. It was slightly painful. This is the 2nd time this has happened.
I had to push it back on to align it. Pain. Pain. Pain. Ouch.
Though, it's feeling better now.
I had to push it back on to align it. Pain. Pain. Pain. Ouch.
Though, it's feeling better now.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Commuting
I feel such an accomplished commuter already. HAHA I’m no longer scared to commute. I now have the balls to take routes not so familiar to me. I now ride jeepneys and MRT’s/LRT’s on a regular basis without any apprehension.
I love the MRT. I still hate the fact that is sooooooooooo overcrowded. However, it makes commuting so much faster and easier. I remember the first time I rode one last year during rush hour. I was astounded by the number of people trying to get in. I lined up behind all those people assuming that’d we’d all get in. But no, 2 trains passed by and I was able to ride. I had to assert myself.
Now, I use my size as an advantage. I am such a bully in the MRT! HAHA However, PLEASE, people who ride the MRT, ummmmmmmmmm, take a bath often and don’t fart inside the train. And, I need to learn to focus. HAHA I’ve lost 2 MRT cards already onboard trying to stalk people. HAHAHAHA
On the other hand, I seriously don’t like riding jeepneys but they’re cheap as hell. The pollution, heat, and smell are so overwhelming. But, I just have to ride them to save up on money. Example: Riding a cab to the MRT station from our house in Makati would cost around 50php. Riding the jeep would cost 7php!
BUT, commuting is so tiring. It involves a lot of waiting and a lot of people. Also, germs, germs, germs are everywhere! Plus, haggardness is always a possibility. HAHA Therefore, always be ready for these. I’ve learned to bring alcohol every time I commute. Also, don’t forget to look mean and tough to ward off jejemons. HAHA
I love the MRT. I still hate the fact that is sooooooooooo overcrowded. However, it makes commuting so much faster and easier. I remember the first time I rode one last year during rush hour. I was astounded by the number of people trying to get in. I lined up behind all those people assuming that’d we’d all get in. But no, 2 trains passed by and I was able to ride. I had to assert myself.
Now, I use my size as an advantage. I am such a bully in the MRT! HAHA However, PLEASE, people who ride the MRT, ummmmmmmmmm, take a bath often and don’t fart inside the train. And, I need to learn to focus. HAHA I’ve lost 2 MRT cards already onboard trying to stalk people. HAHAHAHA
On the other hand, I seriously don’t like riding jeepneys but they’re cheap as hell. The pollution, heat, and smell are so overwhelming. But, I just have to ride them to save up on money. Example: Riding a cab to the MRT station from our house in Makati would cost around 50php. Riding the jeep would cost 7php!
BUT, commuting is so tiring. It involves a lot of waiting and a lot of people. Also, germs, germs, germs are everywhere! Plus, haggardness is always a possibility. HAHA Therefore, always be ready for these. I’ve learned to bring alcohol every time I commute. Also, don’t forget to look mean and tough to ward off jejemons. HAHA
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