Waiting

Sorry if I haven't been posting any blogs lately. I'm just waiting for things to be better because I don't want to post another emo blog. I don't wanna dwell on emo shit now. I'll blog as soon as i feel better or good enough to take things.

Oh. Atleast, I have COA and AEA evsems to look forward to this week.

The Condo

On our way home last night, my mom asked me, "Where do you want the condo? Makati or Ortigas?"

I was dumbfounded. I didn't know what she was pertaining too.

"Depende kung saan ka magtatarabaho. Makati or Ortigas?", dad buts in.

I was silent.

"Sabihin mo na ngayon para maayos na namin habang maaga pa.", mom tells me.

"Eh. Find me work abroad!"

From there, it went downhill. My mom really wants me to stay here. She told me to stay for a year more to gain experience and shit. She just can't accept that I'm leaving. The condo is the bribe to make me stay. It would really be better to have a condo than to stay at our house which is really far from civilization.

Makes me wonder: Why am I going to give up the "good" life for something so uncertain like living alone abroad? Growth, I say.

Academics

Here's what up with my grades:

Sure:

B+ in Histo. Yay! Didn't expect that.

C in Philo. Sucks like shit coz I know I'm good in Philo. BV but it's really my fault. haha

C in Theo. Better than expected but I'm still hoping for a C+.

Hoping for:

B+ in Polsci. Highly possible.

B+ in Capdev. Krung-krung professor not sure but possible.

B+ in IPE. Same reason as above.

Aaaaaaaaah. I am not sure though with these grades. Hope this works out well.

Thesis Time

My partner and I have exactly 3 months to finish our thesis next sem. We already know who our adviser will be. He's the only one next sem. His name is Victor Venida, grad of London School of Economics and New York University. They say he's gay and very strict. My partner and I are dead!

Moreover, he's Marxist and we are thinking about making a Marxist thesis just to please him but we're scared that we can't pull it off.

I'm sooooooo excited for thesis. Finally, we can relate to the stories that our blockmates have been sharing with us. I know it's gonna be difficult. I know I'll be spending less time with friends. I know that we'll probably fight. It's just so exciting coz this will serve as the synthesis of my college Eco life.

Graduate

People are starting to constantly remind me that I am graduating.

"Paano na ko kung wala ka? Natatakot nga ako e."

"Grabe. Mamimiss kita pag graduate mo."

"For sure, mamimiss mo siya pag gradate mo."

"Ano kayang mangyayari pag wala na kayo?"

BV. I dunno if they are serious or just trying to get me into a Senior Syndrome mode. But, somehow, I am not anxious about it. I am excited. I wanna go out there, finally. Though, I'll really miss a lot of people. I won't miss Ateneo. I will miss everyone in it. But, for sure, I'll get over it.

Yes, I am graduating (in 5 full months.)

Wait, I have to finish thesis first in 3 months. Best thesis award here we come!! HAHAHAHA

Fight

I had a fight with my mom last Monday. It's really petty. She had an appointment with the doctor by 9am. This means we had to leave home by 7.30am. I decided to go to school early and ride with them coz I still had to read stuff for Histo.

We fought because she was so BV early in the morning and so I was. She banged on my door like crazy. I shunned her and tell her to leave already. That's the gist. It really is petty. I commuted that day to school.

By afternoon, she was texting me crazy to try to appease me. I didn't ride with them home coz I drank with some friends. They though I was making drama.

Up to now I'm still not talking to her. I'm trying to push my luck. HAHA

Revelations

Today was a day of revelations and I'm just flabbergasted by them. Astonished, up to now.

Well, the first one is a shocker of sorts but this made me really happy. I got a B+ for Histo. My 1st LT was just a C so I'm just really happy that my final grade turned out to be that. Weeeeeeee.

Second, I had lunch with a few blockmates. I can't really reveal what has happened but this was something we expected for a long time already. We knew this would happen but we didn't want it to happen coz tears would be shed.

Anyhoo, some tears were shed over lunch. I won't tell from whom. Such a shame that people actually cry in the cafeteria. Nobody expected those though coz it stems from a totally different topic. This will lead to the 4th revelation.

Third, after lunch I went back to the AEA room. I talked to one of the people there because everyone had their own business but this person. I asked if she was alright. She seemed lonelier than usual.

She started sharing that she feels that she doesn't matter. Hello, same sentiments. Go a few posts back. HAHAHA

I popped an amazing question eventually: "Don't you feel as though people just talk/ notice to you when they're alone and have no one else to talk to?" There it went downhill. The answer was a yes and I think we agree (though not uttered) about whom we're pertaining to. Or not. Really not sure. HAHA

Fourth, some friends and I had a drinking session after a few hours. Just to release a few problems. Yes, a lot of us had problems. Big ones.

I started querying to a friend about one of us there. Somebody seemed quiet and aloof when a topic was raised. And there, KABOOM. The biggest secret of the day was revealed. Sorry, I can't share even though I really want to.

Love is a crazy thing.

Glee

Glee weekend! HAHAHA

I watched the 5 episodes of Glee over and over again this weekend. I keep on having another "that's why" moment every time I watch an episode. The plot is rich (or maybe I just really like it.)

I started from the 5th episode down. I know it's weird but I liked it better that way. IF I watched episode 1 or 2 first I would not watch this series at all! My fave is episode 4, as of now. Hell funny. Weeeeeeeee.

I'm excited for the next episodes! Can't wait. Besides, it's keeping me from thinking about stupid things and ingrates.

2nd Best

It sucks to be 2nd best when for the longest time you thought you were 1st. There was a time when I left number 1. You made me believe I was. Slowly, I started to doubt my rank. Then again, I was hoping that deep inside I was still first. It's hard to accept failure when you were giving it your all. I'm starting to think that I wasted all that time trying.

I thought I was the best for you. I guess I lost the est. I'm just B. Rated B.