Dilemmas

Shit. I haven't blogged in a loooooong while. HAHA

Since it's been difficult (and tiring!) to look for a job, I am finally thinking about giving in to what my mom wants: more school. I've been searching online the past few weeks about programs and schools. I am so confused. Finally, I can admit, I dunno what to fucking do with my life. Will I be 063574 again? Or another school would be better? What am I going to take up? MA in Economics? Law School? Culinary School? An MA in something else??

This all started when I told my mom I had an interview for a company. "Just go to school next semester. You've already wasted a semester." Yes, I agree. HAHA School is the most feasible and practical thing to do coz (a) it's difficult to find a decent job and (b)I won't get paid well anyway. I think my allowance to school would be slightly less than what I'd be earning a day.

I dread going to job applications/exams/interviews. So when my mom told me that, I just decided that I'll stop looking for a job. HAHA This week, I've ditched 4 comapanies. Part of me knows that this is probably a flash in the pan. And that just makes me more confused.

More mind boggling shit:

The only school that will readily accept me next semester would be the Economics Department of Ateneo. I've looked at the curriculum and it seems, ummm, manageable? However, the thought of going thru Statistics and Metrics again is scaring the shit out of me. Though, part of me thinks that this just might be the perfect time to redeem myself. HAHA BUT, what if I don't? What if I suck at it more?

Law school. This is what my mom wants. But hello, this would be by June 2011! I've always wanted to be a lawyer until Junior year (?) when I just got so lazy and decided that more school would be bleh. AND, the fact that all the pressure from family that I be a lawyer just sucks. The rebel in me does not want to go law school just coz. But, in reality, I still kinda want it, I think. But heck, I don't like my parents/uncle/aunts/lolos/lolas (UMMMMM, everyone) telling me to go to law school.

I hate the fact that everyone's forcing me to go to law school just coz I knew as a child that I wanted to be a lawyer. It's like everyone's been conditioned to condition me to go to law school. That just sucks and I dunno why. HAHA Rebel me.

Culinary school seems fun! However, it's costly and I just dunno if I really want it. And I was looking at the app form, I need to take written exams and pre-school courses. WTF. I didn't know it's serious like that.

And, yeah, i forgot to tell you that the Economics Department will take me in no matter what coz I'm an alumnus. No exams/ shit. So it's really easy to get in. I dunno about the staying there.

And other MA's in other departments just won't accept me readily. I have to take the qualifying test and I might have to take extra non-degree classes which is soooooo bleh. It seems like I'm stuck in Economics if I decide to pursue an MA.

BUT! There's an MBA in the Professional Schools which takes in fresh graduates. I just don't know if they accept students during the 2nd semester. I'll call them up tomorrow to ask.

See? I dunno what to do with my life. HAHA And did I mention it's 4am? And that I always think about shit like this every night before I sleep. Not healthy.

And, I know Imma regret blogging about it tomorrow coz I know, by tomorrow, I've probably changed my mind again. Eeeeeeep. So indecisive. So unsure. So lost. I hate it.

Pre-Birthday Blues

HAHA. I dunno. I'm just scared to spend my birthday without a social construct aside from family. HAHA Must. Stay. Positive. hahaha

It feels weird. There's just not much to look forward to.

Shoulder Pains

My shoulder bone/joint popped out. I dislocated my right arm. Booooooo. Clumsy me. It was slightly painful. This is the 2nd time this has happened.

I had to push it back on to align it. Pain. Pain. Pain. Ouch.

Though, it's feeling better now.

Commuting

I feel such an accomplished commuter already. HAHA I’m no longer scared to commute. I now have the balls to take routes not so familiar to me. I now ride jeepneys and MRT’s/LRT’s on a regular basis without any apprehension.

I love the MRT. I still hate the fact that is sooooooooooo overcrowded. However, it makes commuting so much faster and easier. I remember the first time I rode one last year during rush hour. I was astounded by the number of people trying to get in. I lined up behind all those people assuming that’d we’d all get in. But no, 2 trains passed by and I was able to ride. I had to assert myself.

Now, I use my size as an advantage. I am such a bully in the MRT! HAHA However, PLEASE, people who ride the MRT, ummmmmmmmmm, take a bath often and don’t fart inside the train. And, I need to learn to focus. HAHA I’ve lost 2 MRT cards already onboard trying to stalk people. HAHAHAHA

On the other hand, I seriously don’t like riding jeepneys but they’re cheap as hell. The pollution, heat, and smell are so overwhelming. But, I just have to ride them to save up on money. Example: Riding a cab to the MRT station from our house in Makati would cost around 50php. Riding the jeep would cost 7php!

BUT, commuting is so tiring. It involves a lot of waiting and a lot of people. Also, germs, germs, germs are everywhere! Plus, haggardness is always a possibility. HAHA Therefore, always be ready for these. I’ve learned to bring alcohol every time I commute. Also, don’t forget to look mean and tough to ward off jejemons. HAHA

Water

I don't get why there's a water crisis in Manila! It's been raining pretty regularly lately. I heard in the news that the crisis is caused by too much water leakages thanks to broken water pipes or something. I've had enough of this water crisis! I'm going nuts already.

Wait, we do have water, btw. However, water pressure is too weak that it doesn't go up. It does not reach my room. My washroom does not have water. The faucets in it have not released a single drop since the storm. So that's roughly 6 days of being waterless. I have to fetch water all the way down from the basement. Ummm, 2 flights of stairs. Not easy at all. My arms hurt. SO, i use the water very, very, very wisely. HAHAHA

God, please let there be water. I appreciate it more now. I need it. I am tired of fetching for water. HAHA And, please help Maynilad/ MWSS fix their pipes. Thanks.

Patterns

Being away from friends comes with a lot of difficulties. One of these: knowing when they're mad at you! Rarely do people tell you that they're mad/irritated/pissed at you. You won't know. You need to be extra-sensitive to figure it out. I rely on "patterns" to know when something is wrong. I know my friends so well that I know what to expect from them given certain circumstances. I don't wanna give too much details coz I don't want you to know if i'm checking our relationship. HAHA

The past week, I was involved in 2 misunderstanding. Amazingly, I detected them both easily. It's so difficult to talk to people when they're mad at you and you don't see him/her frequently. It's either you wait for a long time to meet the person and talk it through or you apologize through the wire.

I apologized both instances as soon as I confirmed it myself that something was wrong. The first one snubbed my apology and is giving me the cold treatment. I apologized twice already and I don't really mind anymore. It'll fix itself soon enough. The second one went well.

Right now, something is wrong with one my friend's pattern. I am not sure. Maybe i'm just interpreting it too much this time around. But hello, what did I do to you? Let me assume that you're just busy. Too busy to talk to me. Ouch.

Chasing a Dream

HAHAHAHA. What a stupid title.

After all the drama of job "waiting", i'm back to job hunting. I started sending out my resume again last week and I expect this week to be a week of interviews again. True enough, I got 3 calls already: IBM, Toyota, and the Canadian Embassy.

IBM was a lost call. They called me up on my mobile but I couldn't hear what she was telling me. She called me up on the landline. I still couldn't hear her. "Ma'am, I think something's wrong with your phone." She told me that she'd just email me the details of the interview. She never did!

Yesterday morning, Toyota called. I had an interview at 8.30am on Thursday. They called up so early. That phone call woke me up. I was certainly drowsy when they were talking to me. I even wrote the details on my copy of the Last Lecture. Poor book. I slept again after the call.

When I woke up I checked my mail. I had an email from the Canadian Embassy. I have an exam with them on Thrusday, 8.30am as well. Ummmmmmm, same time. And i dunno what to do. I'm too shy to call Toyota to resched but I also wanna pursue Toyota.

The Canadian Embassy represents a dream. (Whut?!) While Toyota represents practicality. (Whut?) HAHAHAHA I mean, should I pursue the Canadian Embassy when I know that the chances of me getting a job there is very slim. I will lose my chance at Toyota if I go to the Embassy but it seems more plausible that I get a job with Toyota.

But no, I will go to the Embassy still. HAHAHAHA

I'll try to call up Toyota now. That is, if I find the courage to. HAHA