Thesis: Done

Well, not yet but almost. We're ending on such a whimper. No stress. No fights. HAHAHA We're done with regression. We're not even meeting up tonight to do it. We're just writing down the final analysis of results and all. No stress. YIPEEEEEEEEEE.

Thesis

Thesis is going no where. We only have 3 independent variables left. The original model had 4. WE dropped 1 already.

After running the regression, only 1 variable is significant. We've tried all remedial measures. The only thing left to do is to drop the two other but that would leave us with only 1 variable.

FART. Is Econometrics really necessary for Economics? HELL NO. Economics is such a pseudo-science!

HELL WEEKS

Hell weeks. Fuck. The coming weeks would be absolutely hell-ish.HAHA

This week:

Thesis 1st draft
We worked on it the whole weekend. We have yet to regress. We still need data. We're gonna die. Due Thursday. FUUUUUUUCK.

Praxis POTAHness
Our professor got so mad last week coz the French guy and German girl were fucking noisy. "Are you dumb?!", he asked them. HAHAHA. BUT NO, we're all affected. Because of that incident, he gave us extra readings and we'll have individual exercises every session (to make us listen in class more BULLSHIT)!

RenaiSOSS Week
Be in at least 1 SOSS activity per day. Party on Friday. Be at the org booth the whole week. Make people go to the activities. Unnecessary stressssssss.

Next Week
OSA Year-End Panel Meeting
1 hour to defend the org. I haven't even started to think about our presentation. Must do well in this. It's 25% of the final org grade. When will I have the time to do you??

Immersion Outline
7 page outline of our immersion presentation. What is that's like the whole report already??? It's 25% of our grade too. Bummer. We haven't even started "interpreting" our data.

Fr. David Paper
The 48-page minimum group paper.If we submit a 48-page paper, we'd get at most a D. Amazing. He expects to give him a 90-page paper. And how is that possible? I dunno.

The next 2 weeks will be ultra-mega-super stressful. God, help us.

Responsibility

This week has driven me to the extremes. Every single day of the week has given me reason to be super stressed out. And yet, all the hard work of the past weeks, have been paying off.

I feel like I'm doing well in acads. I got an A in my first Chinese film paper. I'm happy because my professor, Alejandrino, is kind of bitchy and has high standards. I got a 38 of 45 in my Praxis LT. I'm happy because I did good and better than i expected. I've been blessed enough that Fr. David has never picked on me throughout the semester.

And yet, for some reason, org life has been failing me. Monday, i found out that our org events needs to be moved to a later date. Tuesday, i desperately seek for more participants for another event. Wednesday, another org is claiming the venue of our event on Saturday. Super stress. Thursday, i thought we'd get a violation for posting an ad on the newspaper without prior approval of OSA. On top of these, i had to endure 8 individual consultations with me; some of which were really terrible.

I handled everything pretty well but one. I cannot disclose what happened but i was just irritated, irked, but mostly disappointed with how irresponsible some people can be. It's really, really, really irritating. I don't care if you have shit happening with you. I don't care if you have other responsibilities. You chose to take on all of these responsibilities. The least you could have done is to pretend to care. BV

Anyhoo, the coming week would be extremely busy. Thesis 1st draft is due on Thursday. Fr. David gave another set of readings for Tuesday worth 150php. Imagine how thick. He's also asking us to watch a movie. And, shit, it's SOSS week next week. Mega-busy.

Cramming

I've been cramming a lot of things lately. There's just so much to do so little time. NOT. It's just that the temptations are really strong: SLEEP, TV, net, practically anything BUT study. HAHA

Right now, I'm cramming my Chinese film paper. I'm doing it 3 hours before submission! Well, i have a reason. I read articles for Theo last night. And slept a lot.

Next week's going to be hell, 1st draft of thesis is due but we haven't started with our regression. I hope everything turns out well. Pray for me. haha

Yes

The past 2 weeks have be fantastic. It feels like everything's back to normal. I'm back on the game, I feel it. HAHA

Yes, academics has been crazy, as expected. Thesis, Praxis, Theo orals, Chinese Film papers, Philo readingssssssssssss. But I handled everything relatively well coz I didn't cram. I studied over the Christmas break so they didn't pile up much.

Yes, org work has been crazy too. YES report. YES report. YES report. HAHAHA BV. Add to that the stress of Kamalaean that will be postponed thanks to such an efficient project head. Plus, Ateneo YES' lack of attendees. Deadz. But, we're still trying to fix things and everything, i hope, will turn out fine.

Yes, people are still dramatic. 'Nuff said.

BUT, I am happy no matter what. I'm just glad that everything seems normal (and fun and happy.)

Weekend

Ummm. What is super not productive?

I woke up last Saturday at around 10am and did nothing productive. I just watched some movies and had a family thing later that night. I was forced to go to the family thing coz my parents told me that I don't see my cousin anymore. So, i went. Of my 24 cousins in that side of the family, only 6 came. Weeeeeee. By 11pm I was already super sleepy so we decided to go home.

Sunday was JPES sportsfest day. It was okay. I really am not into sports so I didn't really enjoy it. HAHAHA It was nice seeing other Eco majors from other schools though. I know a lot of Eco majors pala. haha We lost in most games. But, i think, we won 2nd place in futsal. I wasn't able to watch the game coz I went home early. I slept first then read theo. I'm trying my best to do well in acads this sem! hahaha

Boring weekend.

Busy Bee

This week has been so tiring. I really didn't want to go to school today but I still have a lot to do so I had to. At the start of the week, everything was pleasant, even though I knew it would be difficult. I prepared myself for this week during the break.

As the days progressed, it became more and more stressful. Orals, papers,and TONS of readings. (Fr. David is crazy. Too much readings!!!!)

Anyhoo, I survived. I don't think any of what I did this week was bad. I finally had an "okay" orals. YAY! haha.

The weeks to come will still be crazy, though.

6 more weeks! Freedom.

Yearender

2009 was a serious pain in the ass. Yes, there were good days or weeks but, overall, it was gloomy and a really hot mess. I am just really hopeful that for whatever pain 2009 brought would be substituted in 2010 by sheer happiness.

I had a hiatus from blogging because things were just too sad and painful to write about. I wanted to avoid rekindling the experiences. Now, I guess, I am honestly better; not necessarily okay but definitely better. I don’t know how I pulled through but I guess I just held on to the hope that the next day promises to be better. Eventually, things did get better.

Amidst all the difficulties I faced in 2009, I will come out with a better understanding of myself and those around me.

First, I am not as strong as I used to think I am. I used to think that I can always make things happen. I thought I could handle everything. I thought I could turn anything to favor me. I thought I could do anything I wanted to. I thought I could hold everything in. I thought I could get thru anything on my own. I thought I can manipulate anyone if I had to. These are mere misconceptions of myself. When everthing came crashing down, I realized that I didn’t know who was I. 2009 jeopardized my perspective of self. I thought I knew me. Apparently, there are certain people and events that will force you to bend principles and self-imposed boundaries.

I am weak and I need people to keep me afloat and sane.

Second, I use BVness as my defense mechanism. Most of the time, I make people believe that I am in a sour mood to shun them away. I didn’t want anyone to see that I am hurting. I wanted them to think that I was merely stressed. No, nothing about this year stressed the hell out of me. Being on top is an easy chore.
I guess the first realization came too late. I have already shunned people away when what I wanted them to do was to be around me.
I used introversion my whole life to cover my weaknesses. As a kid, I knew that I was opinionated, talkative, and witty but, I never showed that to anyone until I entered college. I was too afraid that putting the spotlight on me would be tantamount to asking for insults and criticism. None of my peers now would ever think that I am introverted, so I had to change my defense mechanism: BVness.

Third, I appreciate having a small circle of close friends than having huge and multiple circles needing your attention.

Fourth, I hate being introduced as the “org president”, can I not just be your “friend”? The title gives all sorts of impressions that are not necessarily true. To begin with, it gives the impression that we’re not close and that we’re merely together because of “org stuff.” Yes, we got to know each other because of the org but, I guess, somehow along the way the relationship turned from professional to personal. I can honestly say that I never made anyone in the org feel that I was president. I was more of a peer than president.

Fifth, the worst of things become good when you’re with good company.

Tinatamad na ako. HAHA

2010 will be exciting. That’s for sure. And I promise to blog more often. It’s a year of starting over. And I am looking forward to that.