This post will not sound like I wrote this. HAHA
If I knew 4 months ago that I'd still be a bum by now, I would have entered a call center by then. 4 months ago I had a clear dreams: (a) work abroad and get the hell out of here or (b) find a job in Makati and get my own condo. Now, neither A nor B has happened. Sometimes, yes, I get frustrated, a LOT.
I wouldn't believe it if somebody told me that I wouldn't find a job in 4 months. 4 months ago, I wanted to look for work as an escape. I wanted that, as soon as I finish college, I'd start working already so that I can escape from what I expected to be a bitter transition to being nothing. Nothing. From something to literally nothing. I knew it would be a slow and painful transition. And no, this does not involve being org president or shit. This was about friendship(s).
I knew that, sooner or later, people would forget. People would not care. I would just matter less and less and less. Yes, partly, this is happening and, yes, it pains me that I see it unravel. I feel like my niche is slowly disappearing but that's just how the ball rolls.
However, things became better than I expected how things would happen. I expected much much worse. Those that mattered actually stayed. Though I sometimes feel that I am being replaced (well, coz i'm just crazy like that HAHA), for the most part, I know that I have a special place in their hearts. And that is very comforting. I need not escape. I am welcome.
I stopped looking for work 2 months ago. I thought I had HP in the bag coz they told me so. Now, I get zero replies from that bitch of an HR assistant. I gave up on HP so I started looking for work again last Friday.
Sometimes I am rattled by the reality of my situation. It just feels so fucking weird for Ateneans to have difficulty in looking for work but, that is reality. And yet, I am actually at ease with that reality at the same time. For what God has not given me yet (a job), He has given me more of what I really want: time (for family and for friends).
I will get work sooner or later. That's for sure. However, I never know how much time I have left with family and friends. I do not know how much longer I will matter in their lives.
Though, at times, I get sad over not being where I want to be (aka school, more specifically, AEA room HAHAHA), I just know that things will fall into place soon. And that all these times I spent being sad over that would just merely look stupid.
Just trying to look at the better side of things.