Making People Matter

I went to Ateneo today to help out in the Task Force Ondoy. I did a lot but not much compared to the other people. And I complained a lot. I'm sorry! I was there 10am-10.30pm. I'm really tired now. And, no, I'm not claiming that I worked all that time. A lot of time was spent on eating and sitting down doing nothing. haha

Anyhoo, we had dinner by 8pm and went back by 9pm. By 9pm, I was too tired to work. I had no energy left to do anything. I sat on the sidelines with a friend. I complained that I feel that I no longer matter. I can just graduate and nobody would bother to care. Nothing would change if I suddenly disappear. Everything would be normal. But, this post is not about that. She asked me if I made feel the people who matter to me that they matter?

No. I think I rarely show that I care. I'm too busy complaining about my life. I'm too everywhere to notice things. I'm too busy busying myself with things that don't really matter. I'm too boxed by what my notion of care or love is.

From today on, I'll try to make you feel that you matter to me.

Random Ish

1
I've had this drawer in my room that has failed to open since May/June. The key just doesn't work. I've been trying to open it since forever using all means possible. I was desperate to open it. I had nothing to do so I forced it open with a pair of scissors. I hacked the scissors in the keyhole like crazy. Then, I tried the key. It worked. Weeeeeee. I got it open.

Anyhoo, I saw my 2008 journal inside. What do I do when I see my journal? Read every freaking page and detail. So much memories in there.

Snippets:
"____ texted me in the middle of the night just to tell me that she misses me."
"Lonely-alone day. :|"
"I was so happy to see them. :D"
"RockBand Funnnnnnnnnnnn. I love the Freshmen. Though, I cut Philo, again. :|"
"1st sem finals week: I'm so depressed. Everyone is depressed."
"Somebody misses me. And the feeling is mutual."


I got myself depressed.

2
The typhoon is driving everyone crazy. Nope, our house wasn't flooded. Oddly, it was reported on the radio that houses in our subdivision are all flooded. Anyhoo, we didn't have cable and net by midday with sudden electricity fails in the afternoon.

Here's how it affected us:
My sister is stuck in a friends house.
Our house in Makati is flooded. The 1st floor is submerged apparently in flood water.
My other sister didn't go to school because Commonwealth was impassable.
My uncle is stuck in a bldg. in Pasig.
The flood inside my other uncle's house is supposedly 10 feet deep. And they stayed in the 2nd floor of the house despite our invitations early in the morning to stay at our home.

I hope you're all safe.

3
My theme song of the weekend: Simple Plan's Welcome to My Life

4.
I wanna help but my mom is not allowing me to go to Ateneo. Fart. And no classes til tomorrow. So frustrating.

Lazy

Waking up every morning has been such a chore. I hate waking up now. I don't want to go to school lately. I have been attending 1 class per day and most of the time they're not worth going to. For example, today, I went to class just to get the results of my Histo LT. That's it. I had nothing else planned for the day. But no, I still had to wake up early and go to school because she has an exemption policy. You forfeit your exemption if you cut more than 3 times. BV.

Also, there's just no reason to go to school. It's been so monotonous and I just want to end this sem just to see if the next one will be better. And I, certainly, need rest. C'mon mamon.

I just hope next sem will be better. I want more exciting sem. I don't want it difficult; I want it heavy and challenging. That sentence didn't sound like me. haha

Love

Somebody asked if what I'd reply to this: "I love you."

I hesitated. I did not know what to say. I knew what I wanted to say. I knew how to say but I just couldn't. I didn't know if it was a sign. I didn't know it was a hint. Probably not.

It was just a really weird question and it caught me by surprise.

Yes, I do love a lot of people (not romantically.) I have some much love to give but I find it awkward to say "I love you." I never grew up saying that. I show it, not say it.

Academic Update

I'm freaking scared of my Theo grade. Yeah, I failed the Midterm Orals and I failed two of 3 quizzes. The Midterms is worth 20% of my final mark and the quizzes are worth 30%. Oh no. God, make a way please for me to pass.

Aside from that, I'm doing okay with the other classes. I'll probably get B/ B+'s for my Eco electives (if the theory is correct that Beja really loves me HAHA.)I'll likely get a C+ for Philo (I know, it's a sad turn of events esp after Pasco.) Then, for Histo, at least a B is fine with me. And a B+ for Polsci, hopefully (really depends on our final paper.)

So, point is: I'm doing okay except for Theo and I am not exerting any effort to make things better. HELP.

Good Mornings

I'm not a morning person but lately I've been having good mornings. I am not as moody as usual. I wake up not feeling like shit. I don't take too long as before to get ready for school. I eat breakfast now. I still don't talk though but I do not snub people anymore (in the morning haha). It's really weird coz I'm not even getting enough sleep and yet my mornings are better.

It must be the weather. Heck, I've been blogging in the morning.

Good Times

Something about last night reminded me of the good times. It made me extremely happy.

I just remember how fun it was. I remember all of the things that we would do. I remember the long conversations over nothing. I remember the long laughs at the most stupid of things. I remember meals that would last for hours. I remember the games we played. I remember the long ym (sometimes even thru SMS) over things I'd rather keep private. I remember when we were still getting to know each other.

It was a simple (relative to now) time but it was certainly fun.

Will we ever go back to these times?

Mounting Pressure

I was peacefully watching the television last night when my mom gave me an envelope last night.

"Ano 'to?", i asked (though I already had a gut feel).

"Para sa'yo.", she replied.

"Ano nga?", kinda irritated coz now I've confirmed what it really was.

"Hindi ko alam.", petulant as always.

I opened it. It was a print out of the requirements and thingamabobs for the LAE. My mom is just really keen on pushing me to take it.

I pretended to not care.

My sister was the one who wanted to pursue law lately but my mom didn't want her to. She wanted my sister to remain an accountant and work for a multinational. Eventually, my sister prevailed.

On the other hand, I don't want to take law yet but my mom's pushing me like hell. Argh.

Counting

This semester has been incredibly fast. I didn't even notice it passby. I guess the problem is that it was so normal and steady that I didn't bother to stop and reflect. I started counting the months again last night.

I only have:
0 days of IPE and Polsci (Done with 2 classes already!)
3 days before I deliver the biggest report of the semester.
3 sessions before CapDev is over.
1 final semestral break.
1 month before the semester ends.
2 months before I start thesis.
3 full months left of being president (elections will happen by January.)
4 months 'til Christmas.
5 months 'til a new year.
6 months of academic life.
7 months til graduation.

Where will I be after 7 months? I dunno. That's when the monotony ends and the chaos begins. I guess, in 7 months, it's time again to begin another scheme of monotony?

Practice Pays Off

I'm sooo happy. The AEA dance team is going to the finals of RiB. This is a first!

They've been practicing so hard the past two weeks and they made it! I love it. I'm super proud. I was there every step of the way to support them. I never missed a practice. Addict much.

Yay! I'm so excited. Good job.

Torn

I'm just really torn. I feel such a masochist for keeping on hoping.

I wanna see you yet when I see you I, sometimes, feel so unappreciated. I try not to but I succumb to the joy of being with you. I, honestly, feel better when I am with you. I look forward to being with you. You give me so much joy. You never fail to make me happy. Even the weirdest quirks amaze me. The worst jokes crack me up. The stupidest habits entertain me.

I think about you when I am not with you. I try to guess what you are doing at every time of the day. I know you to well to predict your actions.

I don't want to be around you anymore. I hurt every time we separate ways and to know we can never be. But, at the end of the day, you give me happiness so I still go to you.

When should I just let you go?

Eco of Love

I was asked by a blockmate if I wanted to write an article for AEA's mag. I was kinda not into it until i jokingly said that I wanted to write about love. And I got so excited. haha.

I started writing the article already. It feels so good to write about something that you are interested in. It came so effortlessly. I love it. I applied the 3 economic perspectives: Mercantilist, Liberal, and Structuralist. The Liberal perspective kinda sucks. I love the mercantilist perspective on love! Wait for the article. I love it. I'm not yet done though. I was too sleepy to finish it last night.

Also, I have a lot to do this coming week: polsci final paper on Mar Roxas, IPE European recommendation paper, and the Midyear presentation. I can't even start my papers for my classes. They're so boring.

I'm Okay

I'm okay. I guess this is the reason why I haven't been blogging lately. I'm oddly okay. Everything's perfectly normal. My life's platonic.

Grades are better than expected. I'm only failing Theo. And I just don't care about it. God will help me.

Org life's great. I've been busy with org stuff but it's been great. I just finished the midyear report of AEA and I am pleased. We really are on our way to achieving our goals. And no bull in that report (unlike last year.) Our report is backed with real data. HAHA.

Family's okay. Same quietness at home.

I'm okay. I'm doing better.