I had an interview today at 9am in Makati. I was still in QC by 8.20am. I was terribly late and haggard when I arrived at BPI.
My interview a while ago got me depressed. I dunno. I just feel like I didn't do well enough. I did okay. But somehow I feel like it just wasn't good enough. The questions put me off. I didn't expect such questions. HAHA And the interviewer was bitchy. My plan was to be all perky and friendly. But no, I tried and she didn't respond. Back to "I am a leader" mode. BV.
However, at the end of it, i saw "some" light. "You should try the MT Program. What do you think?", she asked. "Yes, that's actually one of my options." And she explained stuff. I dunno if that's a good sign. The Management Trainee position is better than my original intended position. I dunno! I'm just confused now. I just want a job. hahaha
I was so disheartened I went home immediately after. Lord, surprise me please.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Reflection
I went to San Mig a while ago for an examination. I ditched IBM coz I was too sleepy. After the exam, my dad fetched me. We're going to fetch my sister in UP. We arrived 5.15pm. She suddenly texts us that she'll be out by 6pm. Ugh.
I decided to go out of the car and walk around. There was a point in the day that I felt that God was playing tricks with me. I'd rather not discuss why. In honestly, up to now, I still feel so coz the coincidence(s) are too epic to be coincidences. Anyhoo, I found myself walking around the Sunken Garden. I decided to sit. It was so peaceful, surprisingly. I thought it would be noisy and chaotic coz of all of the jeepneys passing by.
I sat on a tree root and put out my iPod to listen to emo music. I was watching the people live their lives: couples snuggling, friends playing frisbee, families playing ball. It was really peaceful. I felt really at ease. The strong breeze helped me feel comfortable.
It was such a beautiful time to reflect. Where will life lead me? What will happen next? What now?
Suddenly, something dropped from the sky to my arm. I thought it was just a leave or tree bark. Nope, a bird decided to poop on me. Reflection fail. HAHA
I decided to go out of the car and walk around. There was a point in the day that I felt that God was playing tricks with me. I'd rather not discuss why. In honestly, up to now, I still feel so coz the coincidence(s) are too epic to be coincidences. Anyhoo, I found myself walking around the Sunken Garden. I decided to sit. It was so peaceful, surprisingly. I thought it would be noisy and chaotic coz of all of the jeepneys passing by.
I sat on a tree root and put out my iPod to listen to emo music. I was watching the people live their lives: couples snuggling, friends playing frisbee, families playing ball. It was really peaceful. I felt really at ease. The strong breeze helped me feel comfortable.
It was such a beautiful time to reflect. Where will life lead me? What will happen next? What now?
Suddenly, something dropped from the sky to my arm. I thought it was just a leave or tree bark. Nope, a bird decided to poop on me. Reflection fail. HAHA
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Distraction
I need a distraction. My thoughts are bothering me again. I dunno. I just still feel disheartened. I'm craving. I'm missing. I'm wanting. Blah.
The coming week will be a good distraction, actually. I have interviews lined up. IBM and San Miguel on Monday and BPI on Tuesday. Yeah, i'll ditch Megaworld. And if things go right I'd have more interviews in the following days. I hope so. I want a job already. My trick now is to be pa-humble and witty. I think I've been overconfident during my past interviews. HAHA
Also, it's my niece's on Saturday. I am not part of planning it but it's a really big deal for us. It's just her 1st. It's a good distraction. And usually when we have parties and stuff, all my tita's sleepover at our house. More distraction.
I'd just also probably go out with my block this week. I haven't seen some of them in 2 or 3 weeks. It's due that we see each other soon.
Plus, Glee's back. That provides a little glee. I'm excited for the new episodes!
Actually, I'm planning to move to Makati by Monday. By "move", I mean, live there. I dunno for how long. Depends on work. Not final yet if I'll push through with this but for sure my parents would be okay with it. One con that i'm looking at is that there's no net in that house and that i'd have to leech off net from Gloria Jean's. HAHA I'll just decide tomorrow.
The coming week will be a good distraction, actually. I have interviews lined up. IBM and San Miguel on Monday and BPI on Tuesday. Yeah, i'll ditch Megaworld. And if things go right I'd have more interviews in the following days. I hope so. I want a job already. My trick now is to be pa-humble and witty. I think I've been overconfident during my past interviews. HAHA
Also, it's my niece's on Saturday. I am not part of planning it but it's a really big deal for us. It's just her 1st. It's a good distraction. And usually when we have parties and stuff, all my tita's sleepover at our house. More distraction.
I'd just also probably go out with my block this week. I haven't seen some of them in 2 or 3 weeks. It's due that we see each other soon.
Plus, Glee's back. That provides a little glee. I'm excited for the new episodes!
Actually, I'm planning to move to Makati by Monday. By "move", I mean, live there. I dunno for how long. Depends on work. Not final yet if I'll push through with this but for sure my parents would be okay with it. One con that i'm looking at is that there's no net in that house and that i'd have to leech off net from Gloria Jean's. HAHA I'll just decide tomorrow.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Moving Forward
I treated a couple of friends to lunch today. It's sort of my post-grad treat coz they attended my grad. It's the "purest" happy I've been in a long while. Being with them was just such a joy. I don't know how to explain it well. I just felt really at ease, happy, and loved. There was no doubt in my mind that I belonged with them.
I spent roughly 10.5 hours today with them. It seems a lot but I just can't help but ask for more. I guess, as usual, I'm experiencing "the fall" right now. Every time I am happy for a certain period, my mood will crash and just want more. And the uncertainty of the next time we'll see each other is scary.
I guess the past days have proven to me why I'd actually miss the undergrads more than my blockmates. Certainly, I love my blockmates. However, it is easier to contact them and they are more accessible because we are all aiming for the same "market." We're all Makati-bound and it's really not difficult to see each other there. Just the other day I saw one of them with almost minimal effort. However, meeting the undergrads just entails a whole lot more planning (?). And i dunno why! HAHA
In all honesty, part of me hates the fact that I've still got my other foot firmly set on the Ateneo. I can't find the heart to leave it. And seeing them today just made me realize how much I'd fucking miss them. How can I move forward if I keep on going back?
It's ironic that I want to see them but, at the same, I don't want to see them so we can all move forward. However, the former, certainly, is more powerful right now.
I had a conversation with some blockmates 2 weeks ago over lunch about why I didn't visit school during my free 2 weeks before graduation. They expected that I'd be the one who'd go to school everyday even though I no longer had classes because I love the undergrads so much. They started questioning me why I was "avoiding" them.
No, I wasn't avoiding them. I just really needed to find the courage to let go. And that I should find peace with the reality that I will no longer see them constantly and that the dynamics of our relationship would just never be the same after this summer. It's scaring the shit out of me.
Wait, maybe I really have been avoiding them. The whole being invisible in ym and pretending to be not there. The pretentious coldness. The uninspired replies. The whole thing with avoiding going on FB. All that drama. Fuck. I just want to separate myself slowly. But no, just one text message from them, no matter how silly, melts my heart and brings me back to square one.
One of my blockmates defended my decision not to "frequently" see my undergrad friends in the Ateneo anymore. It's about letting go and moving forward. From now on, I do not have to be part of everything that's happening in your life. I need not know all that's happening. I am now an outsider. And that's the fact. I cannot expect you to tell me all the things that is happening in your life. And I certainly cannot do the same to you.
"Are you not scared that, in a few months, you won't know them anymore? And that all has changed and been lost?", another queried.
"No. I'm confident that nothing will change. That when we see each other again someday, we'd just be happy and pick up from we left off." I answered "confidently." But that's was lie. I'm so scared that I'd be replaced. I'm scared that in a few months I'd be a complete outsider. But I guess it's a reality that we all have to face soon.
Faith. That's the only thing I can hold on to. The future isn't sure. We do not know what's ahead of us. And though I still want to be part of your future, I do not know if it's plausible. I just have to believe that we can take off from where we left off when we see each other again. And that's the best case scenario, i guess.
God! I hope you're all reading this so you can understand what's going on in my crazy mind.
I spent roughly 10.5 hours today with them. It seems a lot but I just can't help but ask for more. I guess, as usual, I'm experiencing "the fall" right now. Every time I am happy for a certain period, my mood will crash and just want more. And the uncertainty of the next time we'll see each other is scary.
I guess the past days have proven to me why I'd actually miss the undergrads more than my blockmates. Certainly, I love my blockmates. However, it is easier to contact them and they are more accessible because we are all aiming for the same "market." We're all Makati-bound and it's really not difficult to see each other there. Just the other day I saw one of them with almost minimal effort. However, meeting the undergrads just entails a whole lot more planning (?). And i dunno why! HAHA
In all honesty, part of me hates the fact that I've still got my other foot firmly set on the Ateneo. I can't find the heart to leave it. And seeing them today just made me realize how much I'd fucking miss them. How can I move forward if I keep on going back?
It's ironic that I want to see them but, at the same, I don't want to see them so we can all move forward. However, the former, certainly, is more powerful right now.
I had a conversation with some blockmates 2 weeks ago over lunch about why I didn't visit school during my free 2 weeks before graduation. They expected that I'd be the one who'd go to school everyday even though I no longer had classes because I love the undergrads so much. They started questioning me why I was "avoiding" them.
No, I wasn't avoiding them. I just really needed to find the courage to let go. And that I should find peace with the reality that I will no longer see them constantly and that the dynamics of our relationship would just never be the same after this summer. It's scaring the shit out of me.
Wait, maybe I really have been avoiding them. The whole being invisible in ym and pretending to be not there. The pretentious coldness. The uninspired replies. The whole thing with avoiding going on FB. All that drama. Fuck. I just want to separate myself slowly. But no, just one text message from them, no matter how silly, melts my heart and brings me back to square one.
One of my blockmates defended my decision not to "frequently" see my undergrad friends in the Ateneo anymore. It's about letting go and moving forward. From now on, I do not have to be part of everything that's happening in your life. I need not know all that's happening. I am now an outsider. And that's the fact. I cannot expect you to tell me all the things that is happening in your life. And I certainly cannot do the same to you.
"Are you not scared that, in a few months, you won't know them anymore? And that all has changed and been lost?", another queried.
"No. I'm confident that nothing will change. That when we see each other again someday, we'd just be happy and pick up from we left off." I answered "confidently." But that's was lie. I'm so scared that I'd be replaced. I'm scared that in a few months I'd be a complete outsider. But I guess it's a reality that we all have to face soon.
Faith. That's the only thing I can hold on to. The future isn't sure. We do not know what's ahead of us. And though I still want to be part of your future, I do not know if it's plausible. I just have to believe that we can take off from where we left off when we see each other again. And that's the best case scenario, i guess.
God! I hope you're all reading this so you can understand what's going on in my crazy mind.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Job Interviews
I got 3 calls today from 3 companies: Megaworld, IBM, and San Miguel. Happiness.
Busy week next week. haha. Monday will be IBM Test in the morning and San Miguel in the afteroon. Tuesday will be BPI interview in the morning and then Megaworld in the afternoon. Megaworld already "rejected" me for one position so I really don't know if I'll even bother going there.
I hope to get a job before the month ends!
Busy week next week. haha. Monday will be IBM Test in the morning and San Miguel in the afteroon. Tuesday will be BPI interview in the morning and then Megaworld in the afternoon. Megaworld already "rejected" me for one position so I really don't know if I'll even bother going there.
I hope to get a job before the month ends!
Monday, April 5, 2010
No Signal
My phone has not had signal since Wednesday. I didn't really care to bother since it was Holy Week and people rarely text during that season. I was planning to get the SIM card replaced by Monday, today.
Last night, I was checking the web if Globe actually replaces SIM cards. A read in a forum that they rarely do and that it depends on the stock of the cards. I was already planning how I'd attack their office today if they wouldn't replace my card. I wanted to be sure to retain my number because: (a) That number is the one I used for all the CV i sent out to companies and (b) huzzle to contact people.
My plan was "brillant": (a) All english, (b) Look pissed, (c) "How come you do replace SIM cards for postpaid users and not for prepaid?! This is discrimination!", (d) "I'm willing to pay thousands of pesos just to retain my number!", (e) "Call the manager!"
However, only plan A was needed. They had stocks for my kind of card and they replaced it immediately. HAHA Thank God!
Anyhoo, today's such a nice day. I got a text that really made me happy. Super. HAHA And, I got a call from HP. Interview, baby. Yay!
BPI on Wednesday! I shall make a career out of doing interviews. Wish me luck! I bet this week will be awesome!
Last night, I was checking the web if Globe actually replaces SIM cards. A read in a forum that they rarely do and that it depends on the stock of the cards. I was already planning how I'd attack their office today if they wouldn't replace my card. I wanted to be sure to retain my number because: (a) That number is the one I used for all the CV i sent out to companies and (b) huzzle to contact people.
My plan was "brillant": (a) All english, (b) Look pissed, (c) "How come you do replace SIM cards for postpaid users and not for prepaid?! This is discrimination!", (d) "I'm willing to pay thousands of pesos just to retain my number!", (e) "Call the manager!"
However, only plan A was needed. They had stocks for my kind of card and they replaced it immediately. HAHA Thank God!
Anyhoo, today's such a nice day. I got a text that really made me happy. Super. HAHA And, I got a call from HP. Interview, baby. Yay!
BPI on Wednesday! I shall make a career out of doing interviews. Wish me luck! I bet this week will be awesome!
Friday, April 2, 2010
Uncertainty
The uncertainty of my future is freaking me out. It is just scary. I don't know where I'm heading. I don't know where I'll work. I don't know what's going to happen to me. One thing's for sure: I'll end up with a job sooner or later. It all depends where.
I've been wanting to leave the country and get employment somewhere else. To grow and be independent, I say. Yes, i still want that. That still is what I desire. However, the chances of it happening now is bleak. I've been trying to contact employers abroad by myself. However, bleh. haha. I've studied all the processes and requirements, I need to find me an employer first before I apply for a work visa. No employer, no work visa. I can't just go there and start looking for a job. By there, I mean anywhere but here. HAHA
The likely thing to happen is that I get a work here. It's scary that I don't have an offer yet. I've gone to a few companies but no offers yet. Scary. And my mom's been bugging me to join a multinational. Asa much. I want to work already. Give me work! haha.
I'll focus on getting a job this coming week. I don't like being a bum. I don't like not doing anything. As they say, the idle mind is the devil's workshop. And, oh boy, the devil is stimulating emoness. HAHAHA
If I don't get a job by April, I'll kill myself. I kid. haha
I've been wanting to leave the country and get employment somewhere else. To grow and be independent, I say. Yes, i still want that. That still is what I desire. However, the chances of it happening now is bleak. I've been trying to contact employers abroad by myself. However, bleh. haha. I've studied all the processes and requirements, I need to find me an employer first before I apply for a work visa. No employer, no work visa. I can't just go there and start looking for a job. By there, I mean anywhere but here. HAHA
The likely thing to happen is that I get a work here. It's scary that I don't have an offer yet. I've gone to a few companies but no offers yet. Scary. And my mom's been bugging me to join a multinational. Asa much. I want to work already. Give me work! haha.
I'll focus on getting a job this coming week. I don't like being a bum. I don't like not doing anything. As they say, the idle mind is the devil's workshop. And, oh boy, the devil is stimulating emoness. HAHAHA
If I don't get a job by April, I'll kill myself. I kid. haha
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