Thursday, July 2, 2009


I feel so odd. I feel so out of place.

Amazingly, people have forgotten whatever has happened yesterday. Everything's normal again, i think. And yet, something feels so wrong. A couple of days/ weeks ago I was at the center of everything and now I feel so out of the circle. And, this has nothing to do with yesterday.

This is what I feared when I started "expanding" my circle. What if the small circles leave me out? I dunno. I remember clearly telling one of them at the beginning of the school year that I am not sure if I still I have a niche in their group. And, today, for some reason, I was with them but didn't feel wanted (lack of a better term; this sounds sooooooo conceited. haha) Worse, I didn't feel as though I belonged.

Another thing pissed me off again today. I asked an Execom member to prepare 20 copies of the member database because we would be creating teams today. It would be more efficient if each member of the Execom had a copy of the database. BUT no, by 4.30pm (call time is 4.30pm), she asked me how many copies I wanted and that she'd go down to the lib to print the database. Are you some kind of stupid? You're are so inefficient.

What I hate most is that her faults reflect on me. The Execom doesn't know that I asked her to prepare. I had a plan on how to do it efficiently so that we wouldn't waste time. BUT NO, you fucking failed me. And now people think I am the inefficient one. Sucks to be me and be around her.

And this just ruined my whole mood. I saw how uninterested and bored the people were as we were creating the teams. My mood was foul again and my eyes couldn't stop rolling. I HATE wasting people's time.

I am so restless for soooooooo many reasons. I need emo time. I need to let it all out. FART.

I guess this was bound to happen. I was too happy the past 3 weeks. Even my source of happiness is failing me. Or I have failed it.

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