Break’s Over for Me

I need to go back to the school mode again. There’s so much to do for school. Domdom just sent us the HW. Damn. I have no idea how to use Excel Data Analysis again. Actually, I’m not even sure if I need to use Excel to do it. Argh.

I also promised 2 professors that I’ll study over the break. Templo was complaining before the break began that no one will study over the break. I joked: “Mag-aaral na nga ako.” She heard me and gave me a salute. The photocopied readings’ worth 120php, go figure how many pages that is. Also, Sir George was also complaining that we won’t do our DS project over the break, “Class, you won’t do it over the break, right?” Being the joker that I am, I shouted “Wrong!” He gave me a high-five. Now, I have to fulfill these “promises.”

Furthermore, YES is having a logistical problem. I don’t think we can actually get 250 people to fill the Leong Auditorium. We were expecting 120 for heaven’s sake. Fart. Now, we need 250. I’m planning to use my HS “contacts” to fill Leong. I’m going to AHS as soon as classes start to persuade the TD/Eco teachers there to give incentives or require their students to go. I hope it works.

I Never Learn

I've been trying to look back through 2008. I've been keeping this journal (fine, "diary") so I can remember what I did everyday. And sometimes, when I'm extra reflective, I leave small notes for my future self. Small notes and lessons that I should remember from what happened that particular day (e.g. "don't allow anger to consume you, PRAY!", "It's hard to expect for things that never come", etc)

I must say... I keep on repeating the same mistakes over and over again. Maybe this can be a good new year's resolution.

Surprise

I was surprised by a gift from a friend. I didn't expect that at all. We were only supposed to meet up so I can give her the money she needs to buy the tokens of appreciation for a project. "Ang dami mo namang dala?", i even asked her. Then she gave me her gift. I was apprehensive and shy as I accepted it.

I feel really appreciated. Babaw. hahaha. She doesn't really talk and i wasn't certain if we have a connection whatsoever. And the gift is like her token of appreciation for me. Chos. hahaha

See? "Unannounced" and "unexpected" gifts are accepted better.

Thanks dear.

Vacation

Xmas vacation is soooo near. Unlike most people, I don't have a single test before the break so I am so in vacation mode already. Though, I am not as excited about the break as I usually am because I have nothing relevant to do over the break, I am thankful for the respite.

These are the classes I have left for the year:

2 Philo
1 Dev't Eco
1 Social Marketing
0 IPE
0 Econometrics.

Tomorrow, I only have 1 class and it's my 6-9pm, which is so cuttable. I wanna cut but I won't. I don't know why but I actually prefer to be at school than home. Odd.

Thursday is not so cuttable. Dev't Eco in the morning. Then, 9 and a half hours of free time. Then, philo. Though, i don't want to go to Dev't Eco because she will give out donuts and I am so sure that she will joke about me, my weight, and the donuts. Damn that woman.

I don't have class on Friday anymore BUT I'll be in school because we'll have our block Xmas thingy. I hope it pushes through.

Welcome Back

I got a call from a friend last night. This friend just came back here last Sunday for a vacation. He's studying in Princeton. NERD. Joke. I didn't want to answer it. I was too sleepy to pick it up. He texted a few minutes later. He wanted to meet me for lunch. I agreed to meet him 12nn in front of the caf.

12nn came. He wasn't there. He was late; 20 minutes late! Argh. I thought he wouldn't be late. Good thing my daughters accompanied me while I was waiting for him.

The usual things happened: kumustahan, reflecting back on HS, talking about stuff, blah. But no, this geek (what do you expect? birds of the same feather, flock together) took him away. hahaha It's okay. I had class already.

I hope to spend more time with him before he leaves for the States again. I really enjoyed this day. I just realized how much I miss all of his antics and the noise he produces when he laughs so hard. hahaha

USB, SRD, YES

Bad, I lost my USB again. This is like the 3rd time I've lost a USB. This sucks. Fudge.

Worse, the SRD (Statement of Reciepts and Disbursements) of AEA for the 1st sem is there. And that's the only copy I have left. Fudge. I am not sure if I can ask copy from OSA.

Worst, we need a copy of the 1st sem SRD to fulfill the YES Report for OSA. Every YES report is graded by OSA.

Without the my USB, there will be no SRD, which will lead to a low grade for AEA in the YES Report.

Kawaii

I gave out my Xmas gifts yday after the GA. Forgive me for the waleyness of the GA. We weren't prepared to host. I've learned my lesson already. haha I hope you all like my gift.

Anyhoo, a lot messaged me about how cute my gift was and blah. But nobody told me that they were famous. Thanks to the one who informed me of who they were. Cuteness. Kawaii.

Monokuroboo! Supposedly, monokuro stands for monochrome because the designed of these cute-little-pigs believed that not all kawaii things are colored. And the boo stands for oink. Who knew that oink in Japanese is "boo"? Hahaha.

Cuteness.

Honesty

My blockmate texted me early in the morning if I was going to Matteo to hangout. She was probably feeling lonely. She told me a lot of things today. I never expected her to tell me so much about her love life. She's not like that usually. In the end, we concluded that, in general, life (not just love life) could be so damn easier if people are actually honest enough to tell others how they feel or think about something. There's always a proper way of saying the truth. And saying the truth is the best thing you can say.

I couldn't agree more.

Thinking

Right after the GA yesterday, I started to feel different. I couldn't but feel the way I felt. It was just my shallowness attacking. If I chose not to do that, I could have spared me from the frustration. I shall not elaborate. That was 6pm. I went to class with a heavy heart. I don't remember a single thing that my professor blabbered about for 3 hours. My mind was somewhere else.

I stayed in school until 9:40pm just so when i get home I'd be so tired that I'd go straight to bed. I needed time to think and reflect. Just as expected, I got home and went straight to bed. I wanted to sleep my thoughts over so I won't think about them anymore but I can't escape from them. I woke up 12mn with a sigh. I didn't want to wake up because I knew I'd just mess up with my mind. And so i did, mess with my mind. I slept at around 4am.

4 hours of thinking about the present and how afraid I am of the future.
4 hours of frustration.
4 hours of sighs and arghs.
4 hours of causing myself agony.
4 hours of thinking about it.

Woke up 6am today. Still, my thoughts are bothering me. I want to escape them but how do i actually escape myself? It is I that is causing me agony. It is I that I should conquer.

Reconciliation

There. For everyone who waited for it to happen, bati na kami.
BUT, never hug mode again... ever.
It took me two months to muster the courage (and sanity) to talk to her.
I hope we don't fight again.
I just realized how much time (my time) I wasted on thinking about my frustration/ anger towards her. Fart. haha

The last thing I told her was I wanna know everything she has ever told against me because sooner of later I will know. She said nothing more. I hope she meant it because we'll just keep on fighting if I find out anything again.

Peace. For Now.

Metrics Quiz

Well, not really a quiz, but a seat work, which is equivalent to a quiz- not just any quiz; a 40-pt quiz. Argh. I didn't expect it to be that hard. I swear. Argh.

Domdom didn't go to class so she sent one of her friends. He said it was going to be easy. We could do it in 15 mins daw. SIR, you're taking up grad studies! OKAY? I finished in an hour. We were allowed to open our notes pa ha. Argh. I studied Hypothesis testing... BUT no, the quiz was about parameter testing and ANOVA. Argh.

After the quiz, my blockmate and I were shouting out of joy. We had the same freaking answer. Beta 2 is 27.125 and Beta 1 is 1.66. Turns out we used the same wrong "formula." Good job. I'll still keep my hopes high that we actually used the correct one and they used the wrong one. Hahaha.

Surprise

I had lunch with my blockmate. On our way out of the library to get lunch, we were pleasantly surprised to see a friend. He just came home last Saturday from JTA in Singapore. Lots of stories were exchanged. Yay. JTA friends are finally coming back.

I can't wait for the one in Japan. I miss him so much.

Reactive

I'm just reactive. I respond to how you act.

If you're sad, most likely, I will be too.
If you greet me with a huge smile, I may even hug you out of joy.
If you act like you don't want to see me, as much as it hurts, I'll try avoid you, even though I don't want to. I believe that distance and space is key. But I know I can't.
If you talk to me, I'll talk more.
If you wanna remain awkward, there's nothing I can do. I don't know how to "cure" it. I just hope it gets better because it saddens me.

Please. Don't let this happen just because of that. I don't want us to remain awkward because I do not know how to respond.

I believe this will strengthen our friendship but, right now, this is causing me distress. Argh.

Cutting Class

Cutting class is now a vice.

And the class i love to cut is... Philo. Surprising, for most. I loved Philo last sem. It was my stellar a.k.a. QPI saver class. But this sem, Philo has become boring and redundant. And the urge to play Rock Band with friends is too strong. hahaha

Painting

I tried to paint you, but the colors weren't beautiful enough.

Joke. haha

I tried to paint for the Sparkle banner. God, I suck at painting. Though, I enjoyed it because it's been quite some time since I've done art/ crafts.

This Will Be A Busy Day

Stress. I swear. haha *I hate saying "I swear" but I can't stop it!!*

9:30am- 11:30am:
Teach/ study with my blockmate Metrics
Have tarp for Strains Clirel Week printed
Go to IAC to ask for Frisbee referee for Kythe Week

11:30am-12:30pm
Prepare for Metrics/ Alone time

12:30am-1:30pm
DOM DOM DOM DOM

1:30pm-3:30pm
Lunch with Blockmates/ make YES emailer

3:30pm-4:30pm
YES Quizbee Meeting/ Sparkle Banner Meeting

4:30pm-6:00pm:
AEA Execom Meeting
YES Ads Photoshoot
InTACT FASS GA
Strains General Leadership Assessment Module GA

6:00pm-9:00pm
Social Marketing Class

I'll be in school for exactly 12hours. Headache.
How will I divide myself? Hahaha. Kere 'to.

Rock Band Fever

I'm itching to play Rock band. I played last thursday and monday. I had a great time. I even cut Philo just to play. HAHA

I wanna play Rock Band!! Game?

Waking Up

Yesterday, I got home at around 9.40pm because I had a 6-9pm class every wednesday. I was really tired. I wanted to sleep so bad that when I got home I was already moody. I know, I'm moody when I'm sleepy. By 10pm, I tried sleeping, but no, no matter how sleepy I was I couldn't sleep. There was a point when I was half-asleep but my phone rang and the irritating noise of Homer Simspon singing "I am evil Homer!" irritated me and woke me up.

I tried sleeping, but I couldn't, so I just played PSP until 1:30am... BAD MOVE.

I have a 7.30am class today and I was supposed to wake up at 5:30am so I can avoid Katipunan traffic. I woke up at 6:20am. Darn it. I wasn't late for class but the stress level of the rush to school and the traffic really made me moody. I'm usually moody in the morning but add stress to that and my blockmates know that they better not talk to me. But, I'm no longer moody. Class was fun.

Seriously, getting up in the morning is really getting tough. Argh.

Quiz

We had our first quiz in Metrics.

Everyone was nervous. We thought it would be so difficult. My block had a group study in Matteo for 2 hours just to help each other out. It didn't really help much. hahaha

The quiz was relatively easy. It was certainly easier that expected!! YAY.

I think I did pretty well in that quiz. Yay!

Penmanship Class

That's what we did for Philo for a few minutes.

The first thing that Pasco said to class was that he didn't want to teach. He was tired because he had to accompany somebody somewhere early in the morning. But, we can't afford not to have the session because we were affected by the cancellation of classes last thurday.

Anyhoo, he taught Philo (for a few minutes). Then, he wandered off to his childhood memories. We talked about firecrackers, chinese garter, dampa, text, watusi, piko, jackstone, etc. He told stories about how his childhood was like.

Back to Philo (for a few minutes). Then, suddenly, the chalk started to make a schreech noise. He tried to write in script to minimize the noise.

Suddenly, "Anong letter yung hirap kayo na isulat sa script?"

We started giving him letters that were hard to write in script. I, seriously, don't even know how to write some of them anymore. We did thsi for like 15 minutes.

Seriously, the rumors are true. Pasco becomes unispired and tired by the 2nd semester.

Vandalism

I had a 7.30am class today. It's getting more and more difficult to get up and go to class. Argh.

Anyhoo, I was terribly sleepy in class, until... I saw this doodle on my desk. Picture this: a man's d*ck and pacman (the real pacman, not manny pacquiao) biting/ sucking/whatever-ing it. It was hilarious. I swear. Then, right next to the doodle: "Hindi ata Pacman. Fuckman ata. Lolz."

Excitedly, I showed it to my seatmate. She couldn't stop cackling. I told her to shut up because class was still on-going. haha

After class, i got a message from a friend that they were in the org room. I went straight to the org room because I was excited to see them. Yikee.

Of course I told them about the doodle I saw on my desk. BUT NO. They had worse. They showed me their reading for Filipino. It was about doodles you see inside the washroom. I read most of categories out loud. WAHAHAHA. That reading is too much for Freshies. All kinds of sexual jargon were there.

ADS, sorry for the profanity.

Freshies, I enjoyed tambay. Next time, bullshit!And, go to the spotsfest. You'll be my entertainment. And vice versa. haha

Come to the US

I got an email from my cousin from the States.

This is all it it said:

"come to the US pls it will be fun"

I really love that kid. Her name is Alex. I've known her through stories since she was around 4. She's half-Italian, i think. When she was 4, my mom would tell me that she was the sweetest kid ever and that she would affectionately call my mom "grandma in red" coz my mom would always wear the same red sweat shirt when she was in the US.

A year ago, she, with her mom, went to the Philippines. Instant click. They stayed here for like a month and she would always look for me whenever my mom would visit them in the hotel. Everyone noticed how much we adored each other.

When she got back in the States, she would even call me up to ask how my turtles are doing or did the dog grow already. She even asked my dad, who just arrived from the US, to give me a watch. Yep, she chose the watch I'm wearing to school now. Sweet.

Yes, Alex, I wanna go to the States. I hope (wish, actually) by May. *fingers crossed*

Patience

Naubos. I swear.

I'm pretty patient as long as you don't get personal. I know that you don't like InTACT. I also never did. I volunteered to be a faci because I thought I can broaden my horizons and expand my cirle with being a faci. BUT NO. You guys are so ungrateful. I swear. I'm really nice to you already. I dunno why we can't seem to click. If I only got any of the Eco blocks, it would have been heavenly.

What's even more frustrating for me is the fact that right next to our class is the Eco block. They were with me right before we started class, and we had so much fun.

I tried to contain my anger in class. I know I'll "lose" if I exploded. I was about to explode. I didn't. I just released some steam. I just raised my voice and told you to settle down, don't push your issues and shut up. Lucero made you do that stupid presentation. I didn't.

Also, Lucero, you are to blame. This is your nth cut. You're sick? YEAH RIGHT. What kind of "professional" facilitator are you?

Hosting

I was offered by the project head to co-host our home org's 2nd General Assembly/ Christmas party. I dunno if I want to. More importantly, I dunno if I can. Maybe, last semester, I could have but things, certainly, have changed.

I'm certainly more quiet and reflective this semester. (Oddly enough, last sem, I was asking God to lessen my noise. But now that I'm more quiet and reflective, it's driving me nuts. Be careful what you wish for 'coz you just might get it. Get it? I'm over-thinking things.)

I'm not sure if I can be extra perky enough to host it.

Still, depends on who I'm hosting with. If I'll do it with close friends, maybe.

You Missed Me?!

I didn't go to school yesterday because I only had 1 class at 7.30am. It was raining and sleep was all I wanted to do.

Today, my blockmate texted me that they (I assumed that "they" means my blockmates) missed me during class and that they had figured out that I didn't go to class because I was too tamad. You know me well. haha

During Metrics class today, another blockmate told me that they missed me during class. "Wow. These people really love me", I thought to myself. Not really. haha

Then she continues... "Templo missed you."

"Huh? Why?", i asked. "Is it because I did so well and made perfect sense during class the other day?", I thought to myself. Yabang.

"We we're talking about calories!"

"Darn it."

Wow, ma'am. Thanks.

Success and Histrocity

I was watching CBS News yesteday and they featured Malcolm Gladwell. He talked about how our histrocity (cultural/ historical/ familial background) affects or increases our chances to succeed in life.

For example, Bill Gates (Microsoft) / Steve Jobs (Apple) / Eric Schmidt (Google) were all born in the year 1955. And the computer boom started in 1975. All of them were 20 years of age back then. 20 is the perfect age to try something new (computers, back then) since you really don't have anything to lose. Basta. haha

It's really interesting. I want to buy the book.

Here's an article from Time Magazine:

Outliers: Malcolm Gladwell's Success Story

He started with the lawyers. "Why do they all have the same biography?" he wondered. "We take it for granted that there's this guy in New York who's the corporate lawyer, right? I just was curious: Why is it all the same guy?" It takes a special kind of brain to be curious about New York City lawyers. Such a brain belongs to Malcolm Gladwell, 45, author of The Tipping Point and Blink, the founding documents of the now best-selling genre of pop economics, which together have sold more than 4.5 million copies.

Slender, with elfin cheekbones and a distinctive bloom of spirally brown hair, Gladwell is one of those clever people who actually looks clever. His curiosity about high-achieving lawyers was the germ of his third book, Outliers, which will be published Nov. 18. It's a book about exceptional people: smart people, rich people, successful people, people who operate at the extreme outer edge of what is statistically possible. Robert Oppenheimer. Bill Gates. The Beatles. And yes, fancy lawyers.

Gladwell's goal is to adjust our understanding of how people like that get to where they are. Instead of the Horatio Alger story of success — a gifted child who through heroic striving within a meritocratic system becomes a successful (rich, famous, fill in your life goal here) adult — Outliers tells a story about the context in which success takes place: family, culture, friendship, childhood, accidents of birth and history and geography. "It's not enough to ask what successful people are like," Gladwell writes. "It is only by asking where they are from that we can unravel the logic behind who succeeds and who doesn't." Outliers is, in its genteel Gladwellian way, a frontal assault on the great American myth of the self-made man. (And they mostly are men. There aren't a lot of women outliers in Outliers.)

In some ways, Gladwell himself is, if not an outlier, then at least an outsider. He is both the son of a Jamaican woman in overwhelmingly white Canada and an academic kid from a working-class town (Elmira, Ont.). But the outsider had an in: his father, a mathematician, brought him into the rarefied world of the university. That context is not unconnected to his later success. "As a kid, 11 or something, we would go to his office, and I would wander round," he says. "I got that sense that everybody was so friendly, and their doors were open. I sort of fell in love with libraries at the same time." Now Gladwell, a New Yorker staff writer, specializes in milling crunchy academic material — psychology experiments, sociological studies, law articles, statistical surveys of plane crashes and classical musicians and hockey players — into prose so silky and accessible, it passes directly into the popular imagination in the form of memes. The most obvious candidate for memification in Outliers is a little gem Gladwell calls the 10,000-Hour Rule. Studies suggest that the key to success in any field has nothing to do with talent. It's simply practice, 10,000 hours of it — 20 hours a week for 10 years.

Outliers is a more personal book than its predecessors are. If you hold it up to the light, at the right angle, you can read it as a coded autobiography: a successful man trying to figure out his own context, how success happened to him and what it means. Gladwell is asking, as he puts it over lunch, "whether successful people deserve the praise we heap on them."

Family Time

I enjoyed just talking/ tambay with my "family" a while ago. I know it wasn't apparent, but I was so happy to have seen you, my doughters. On our way down, we even saw Sir and friends. hahaha

I really love our family. It's one of the reasons why I enjoy school. Even though we don't get to spend a lot of time together, you're all so special to me.

Last week, I was talking to a friend. She said she liked our family. I couldn't help but gush about how happy and proud I am of our family. You have no idea how proud I am of you guys.

Bullshit session one of these days!! It's been a month.
Sir and Friends have been practicing so hard.

YES!

I'm absolutely excited for YES.

I had a meeting with my co-project heads a while ago to discuss YES. YES or Youth Economics Summit is a day-long seminar for HS kids. It seems so promising.

To be honest, at first (like 2 weeks ago), I was scared that I couldn't handle or I don't know how to handle org projects anymore. It's been 3 years since I headed a project. Back then, I was so used to doing org projects that it came so effortlessly. Seriously. But, my experience with YES is different. I had difficulty pulling things together.

But after that meeting, wow; I know we'll do well. I really believe we will.

2 months to go!! Actually, I'm not used to taking my time doing org projects.

I can't wait. I'm so excited.

Lovin' Dev Eco

WIN. For real.

I'm starting to love Dev Eco. I hope it lasts.

You know me, when I love a class, i really try to excel in it.

Just please stop telling us that we're not from a good course like ME. It hurts.

Still, i hope this "love" lasts.

I Wish I Were A Freshman

When I was a Freshman, i thought it was difficult. Ma20 was a pain. And it was worth 6 units. I was absolutely tired with writing the En12 research paper. Reading Fil11 stuff was crazy. Danton Remoto was crazy, in a funny way.

But, no one really told me that this (Junior yr) would be this damn difficult. Freshman year and Sophomore year is like chicken shit compared to this. Argh.

At least, with Calculus and Accounting, you can simply use logic and a bit of luck and you're good to go. But with Econometrics, it's like I see stars when i see those whatchamacallits. Stressful prof

I'd gladly take Calculus and Accounting again (over and over again) rather than what I'm taking now. I envy those Freshmen who think they're life's so difficult.

Dearies, wait 'til Junior year.

On Freedom

After having "lunch" with some of my blockmates along Katip, i went back to Ateneo to read my philo readings. I didn't understand it.

The reading was about Freedom. I believe Skinner more than Sartre.

We are all bound by our histrocity.

We are controlled by our past behavior and external factors (environmental, psychological, and educational which shaped our present character and personalities.)

We are never free.

Lost Friend

After I was done with my Dev't Economics class, I went to Matteo to read my Philo readings. I got a message from a someone whom I've had a fight with for a about a month now. She said she wanted to talk with me because it's been hard for her not talking with me.

I replied: "I'm to the point that I'm not angry, but I just don't really care anymore. I don't know why we need to talk and if it will settle anything. I dunno. Give me a few minutes to think if I wanna talk."

I never replied again.
I know, it's a bit dramatic of me.
I've just been so down lately that I am too tired to think of things to tell her. I don't even remember the numerous reasons why I got mad at her. Maybe, it's time we talk.

Interestingly, a few hours after she texted me, I said "hi" to her, unknowingly. My blockmates and I were outside the library planning our lunch for my 7 and 1/2 hour break. My blockmate suddenly says "Oh my god. Guess who's coming." I panicked. I said "hi" to her. Then, i frowned. Damn you, blockmate!

Scheduling Failure

I got DS101 under the Leland De la Cruz, DS Chairperson, as my Free elective thinking that it will be credited for my Dev't Man. Minor. When I got into his class yesterday, i was really impressed by him. Though, the class is really heavy. He knew his DS Majors well. He recognized who were in their Soph. and Junior year. He recognized the non-DS majors too. And he really loves his students.

Unfortunately, DS101 will not be credited for my Minor. FAIL. He gave me the option to stay or choose another DS class that will be credited. I chose to move.

I just came from the Dev't Department to move to another class. I was moved to a 6-9pm class every Wednesday. That's another 4 and 1/2 hours break time for me. Wow. Why are all of our schedules so effed-up?

Fail.

School's So Stagnant

School's so stagnant and boring. As in. I don't know what to do my breaks yet because everyone's schedule has not yet been "finalized."

Errrr. I can't wait for school stress. Though, I hope it won't be too heavy.

Today is The Start of Change

If today was a foreboding of what's to come, then, certainly, a lot will change or has changed this semester. A lot happened today and I'm happy I'm back in school.

I had a huge chat with a friend; yes, you. But I won't divulge the details. I know you won't like it. Yes, i understand you but we really can't do anything about it. I think I'll spend a whole lot of time with you this sem (except TTH coz we won't really see each other). I'm looking forward to it.

Anyhoo, Econometrics= Ma11 + Ma20 + Ec102 + Ec111 + Ec112 + Ec115 + Ec116. Seriously, make or break. Break, break, break. Joke. Someone told me that when I don't believe I can't do something, it really affects my performance so... I encircled that A in the syllabus as my target grade. Whattajoke. I loved our prof, for now. If I fail this class (though, we believe, no one ever fails a higher Eco class because failing one will lead to a delay of a year which the department can't afford), maybe I should really find what I'm passionate about. Dancing and singing, right, ma'am?

Btw, people are extra jolly/ perky/ energetic today. Okay. I'm not really a fan of everyone being so energetic. Chill. I hope it dies down soon. It will, hopefully. And those that I expected to be jolly, were cold and aloof. I hope things normalize soon.

Tomorrow will be heavy. 7:30am class. Then, 4 and 1/2 hours break. Then, 4 and 1/2 hours of class. I didn't realize that my sched looked like that until last Saturday.

Classes Start Tom.

I'm so not into the school groove.
BUT, i'm excited to see all of my friends again.

Must do better this sem. Last sem was horrible. I hope I do well and have fun this sem.

Though, it really sucks that I only have 1 class for MWF. That means my TTH is absolutely heavy. BUT, that means I can devote my MWFs to orgs!! Yay.

My Flash Disk Got Soaked

It’s laundry day today at our home.

I’ve been looking for my flash disk for a couple of days now. I thought I lost it. Turn out; I left it inside the pocket of my pants. Well, my pants, the flash disk included, were washed today. Nice.

“Oh no! My precious files! Oh no. I have to buy another one again for the nth time.”, I thought to myself. Well, not really. I’m just bored.

I didn’t think it’ll work still but, yes; it still does. And all the (useless) files are still there.

Lucky me. Weeeeeee.

My TD Kids Are Now Scholars

I was in the HS a while ago to inquire the rental cost of the HS CovCourts. Fail. It's darn expensive.

I was early so I decided to tour my blockmate, who's from LSGH, around AHS. I was so happy and excited while I was showing him around. I remembered a lot of memories. I really left my heart in the HS. There are still a lot of familiar faces that I said hello to. Of course, I visited OSA and our dear Officer Jenny. She was so shocked to see me.

Anyhoo, as we were buying from the cafeteria, I saw a familiar face. I wasn't sure, at first, if it was him. I stopped a few feet in front of him. We looked at each other, trying to remember who's who.

"Joe-Nel?", I asked.
"Uy! =)", gives me a high five.
And then we chatted.

He was my TD kid, 3 years ago. He was a grade five student at Barangka Elem; now, he's a sophomore at AHS, an eMboy pa. TD is a program in AHS where the Seniors go to various public elementary schools weekly to teach grade 5 or 6 students Math/ English.

I found out that the other boy is also now an Atenean. And the two girls are studying at St. Scho Marikina.

How fulfilling.
I'm happy I went back to AHS.
I'm happy that I saw my TD-kid-turned-Atenean.
I'm happy because I think I made this world, or atleast the life of my TD kids, a tad better.

Regular Reg

Regular Registration today. This will be my first in 3 semesters.
AISIS failed me. I don't have an eco elective yet.

Goodluck to me.
And I hope the lines are not long.
And I wish I can see people I like.

Early Morning Blues

I woke up at around 9.30am today. While I was still half-asleep, I felt excited about something. You know, the feeling you get when it’s a big day or when you know something good will happen.

After a few seconds, I forgot what I was excited about. And I realized that there’s nothing to look forward to today or a reason to start my day this early. I could very well sleep ‘til 2pm and nothing will change.

I hope I remember what I was excited about.
Or I hope that feeling was an omen that something good will happen today.

Christmas is in the Air

I’ve already bought my Christmas gifts for friends. We’ve already bought décor to adorn our home. I’ve already loaded my computer with Holiday tracks. And we’re planning to set up the Christmas tree over the weekend. All of these just to get into the spirit of Christmas.

Still, Christmas ain’t what it used to be. It’s certainly less exciting. It’s probably because I’ve already grown up. Christmas is for kids, I believe. If this is what it entails to be an adult (i.e. losing my wonderment and amazement at things that are celebrated), I think, I wanna be a kid again even just for the Holiday season.

Or is it just because I’ve already spent 19 Christmas celebrations without truly valuing and appreciating things that make Christmas truly special? It’s so easy to get caught up in all the fanfare. This Christmas, I want to be amazed again. I want to feel that warm and ecstatic feeling inside of me just because I’m around family and friends.

Merry Christmas! I hope I’m the first person to greet you.

Back To Reality

I left Manila last week with certain thoughts and problems that I have yet to address. And now, they've grown bigger (and bolder.)

First, my schedule for next semester. I enlisted online last Thursday to no avail because I am part of the 4th batch. I was supposed to take IPE as my Eco elective, BUT NO, there were no slots left. Actually, no Eco elective was available for me. The only elective left was Money and Banking which is exclusively for MeCo. So, i still don't have an Eco elective. I don't understand why I do not have an elective yet. I even went to the department a month ago to get my advisement and sign-up for the IPE class.

I heard from my blockmates that they tried calling up the department to fix their classes, BUT NO, the department secretaries repeatedly hung up on them. Rude.

It's regular registration for me on Friday. Darn it. I hope I can fix my schedule. Right now, my TTH is really heavy. And only 1 class for MWF.

Second, I have yet to finalize the plans for a project I'm heading for my home org. We did small planning during the EvSem but I kind of lost track of the things we talked about. My bad. It's not that the project is stressful, it's just that it's on the back my head constantly. Once I've finalized everything, i can forget about it. Though, I'm really excited because I love the people I'm working with. Seriously.And I'm really going to make that project the best, biggest, and fun(nest) project this org has ever had to prove someone that I can.

Third, lack of desire to pursue InTACT. Yes, I like my Freshies, but the class has been a burden, really. It's just that I've been doing everything for the class. I have a partner professional facilitator to handle the class, but I've been doing practically everything for the class. It's been too demanding for me. I have other commitments. I can't handle the weekly training sessions and the various activities that they make us go to. But I can't do anything anymore, one more semester and it's over.

Fourth, I'm excited for school. I can't wait to see everyone, especially you; yes, you. BUT, I'm so sick and tired of schoolwork. Argh.

Fifth, thoughts. I've been doing a lot of thinking over the semestral break and it's really bothersome. What I've blogged about still hold true for me.

It's just probably that I have too much time to think. Can't wait for school to begin again.

McDo Philosophy

I'm still doing by Internet stuff here at Mcdo.

As i was eating my BigMac, I realized something.

A pickle fell off of my burger. I picked it up and ate it. I didn't understand why i chose to swallow it. I don't like pickes. They are sour and odd. But still, i chose to eat it.

Burgers are flat and boring.
Pickles make or help make them round and a tad more interesting.

Maybe that's why i chose to eat my pickle.
A pickle once in a while ain't bad.

But, for now, I'm tired of pickles.
Maybe, a chili burger might be good.

I miss you

Yay! I can finally blog.

I'm still here in China. Typing this at McDonald's.

I am so tired already.
I miss my friends.

Shop til you drop.
9am-5pm.
That's all we do.

I hope to see you all soon.

Hiatus

I’ll be off to China in a few hours.
I’ll be back in Manila by the 4th of November.

According to Wiki, Multiply’s still blocked in China.
I’m hoping Blogspot and Yahoo Messenger are not.
Or else… I’ll go nuts.

Bye, World. Shit.
Though, you can still text me.
Promise. Regular text messaging rates apply for you.

China will be super-duper-mega retail therapy.
Yet, I’m not excited because I won’t be able to talk to anyone but my mom.
English scarcity. Darn it.

Of Retail Therapy, Hugs and Phone Calls

After 5 or 6 hours of Rock Band-ing last Friday, I went to the mall with my mom to buy groceries.

I left my mom to do the groceries and roamed for quite some time.

I bought:
3 new CDs:
*Paris Bennett’s Princess P (WASTE.)
*Paramore’s Riot! (Too much Rock Band-ing)
*Ray Charles’ Genius & Friends (Love.)
1 tub of Ice Cream
1 pack of Soft Batch
5 bags of chips
Necessities for China.

I love. I enjoyed it. Retail Therapy works.

While I was browsing through the CDs, I was surprisingly greeted by my sister with a hug- a huge and sincere hug. Warm fuzzy feeling inside.

I never thought hugs still matter to me. Some people give it too easily that it seems so common; so insignificant. They hug everyone they know so their hugs lose their warmth and sincerity. It comes off as contrived.

But getting that hug from my sister was pure and warm.

When you don’t share your hugs too much, even love for that matter, it matters and means more. When you mean it, I’ll believe it. If you text (or ym) it, I’ll delete it. That sounded like Miley.

Finally, I got a mysterious phone call over the weekend that I wasn’t able to answer at first. It was from a mysterious (alien) number. From abroad, probably, I thought to myself.

Maybe from my dad who’s on vacation in Canada. Or my aunt who frequents China so much that she owns a Chinese SIM. Or my friend who’s on JTA in Japan. Or my friend who’s studying in the USA. Or a friend who's in Qatar. Or any of my cousins around the globe. It could very well be anyone.

“Hello, Dad?” was my greeting when I answered it. Turns out, it wasn’t my dad. It’s my friend who’s on JTA in Japan. He called me up for no reason in particular.

Kumustahan. It was a short phone call but it made my day.

I miss you.

I think I’m better (for now).

Why did you have to go?

Ok. I miss you. I can't believe it.

Why did you have to leave when i needed you? I know we don't get along most of the time. My bad. I always shrug you off. But don't you realize that you keep me grounded and sane? Don't you realize that i need to talk to you now? I know you knew something was wrong with me before you left.

"What can make you happy? $400? *wink*", you asked me. I didn't respond. But you knew I wasn't happy. Still, you left. And, how come you didn't give me the $400 for China?! Now, i have to suck up to mom.

C'mon. Who the hell goes on a vacation for a month?? Well, my Daddy Dearest. North American tour amp.

Yesterday, he texted everyone in the family that he's lonely and that we should have gone with him. Duh. See who's lonely now?

Daddy Dearest, i miss your bitch fits. So here...

I bought 2 shopping bags full of snacks!
Mom is over feeding me like hell.
I drank a 1.5L bottle of soda yesterday!
I'm not eating my vegetables.
I had a fight with mom the other day.
I still am not eating fish. You know I hate fish.
I think kuya got into a car accident again. And mom has yet to notice.
I'm having fast food for lunch later.

Hahaha. He'd be so angry if he only knew these..

Dreams and Aspirations

Before anything, blogging is really addicting. Shit. I can do this everyday. Read my blog posts often. I have so much to say.

Anyhoo, to get myself “inspired”, I thought about things that I want to live for.

1. Eat all the kinds bubblegum in the world
I love bubble gums. They make me feel at ease. Never fails me. I can chew on a gum for hours even though it doesn’t taste much anymore. Though, my jaws hurt afterwards.

2. Be a teacher
No, I don’t want to inspire children. I just think it’ll be interesting. I want to teach Asian History or Filipino at AHS only. But how the hell will I be able to do that with my major? I dunno. Haha
I’ll do this for 2 years max. But I’m seriously doubting this already because I wanna escape from all my friends and family. Though I'd still be contact friends and family when I'm out of the country, i want to be independent. I wanna start a new clean slate, which leads me to number 3.

3. Work abroad
Maybe immediately after I graduate, I’ll leave already. I want to work and live abroad where there is a very small Filipino community. If possible, none. I want to start new. Free from all the notions of the people around me of who I am and what I ought to be.
Don’t you feel the freedom when you travel alone and nobody knows you? Grabe. To die for. You can do absolutely anything you want.

4. Travel the world
It seems fun.

5. Have my own family
‘Nuff said.

6. Meet Alicia Keys, Fantasia, and Nicole Scherzinger.
Achievable. At least, they’re not yet dead yet.

7. Donate a building to the Economics department of Ateneo
(My Name) Economics Hall. Yuck. But I’ll try to do this.

8. Donate another building to AHS for Student Leadership
AHS has been so kind to me. I wanna give back. I’ll name it after Officer Jenny, my favorite office assistant ever: Officer Jenny Center for Student Leadership. Wow. She’d be so happy.

9. Buy my mom the car I promised her.
I promised to buy my mom a car with a bed in it when I was 5 years old. She’s been reminding me about this ever since. What was I thinking? An ambulance? K

10. Die happy. That’s my gift to myself.

Don’t take this post as a contract. Haha. I might even don’t remember this by tomorrow. How many of these can I actually fulfill by the time I cease to exist? 1 or 2.

I Found My Match

I am petulant. I don’t listen to other people’s advice. There’s only 1 person I listen to. She’s the one I talk to when I am down.

But recently, she’s been unavailable. I’ve tried talking to others. But no one can replace her. Sorry to all those that I bothered. Then, suddenly, from all of my friends, I talk to a college Freshman, the one who seems to be always jolly and carefree. I didn’t expect him to successfully appease me, even though it only lasted for a few hours.

In fairness to you, Freshman, I rarely listen to people’s advice but I took my time to digest your ideas. Maybe, that’s it. Maybe I’ve been living a life that’s so loud and “fun” that I can’t stand being alone with myself anymore. Maybe. That’s why these thoughts are running through my head.

Freshman, thank you for your patience. Haha. I really didn’t expect that you’d even try to appease me. And, yeah, I’ll try to do what you said: Manood ka ng dvd. Hahaha. And mag-isip ng mga aliw na bagay. Tapos be happy. And be… happy. Ewan.

Where is happiness?

I've been absolutely bothered the past few days. Depressed, honestly.

It just suddenly dawned on me that there's no reason to be happy in this world. There's no reason to wake up and live my life. Living is just my way of sustaining my life. People say that having problems that keep you unhappy is better than having no reason to be happy. I find my situation worse because I am just helpless. I have no idea where i can find my happiness.

I've asked a lot of people what makes them happy? Friends. Family. Grades. Cars. Blah. Bull.
But what is left with you when all of these have gone? Nothing.

Maybe this is the dead-end that forced other people to let go. I've thought about it a lot the past few days because when there's no reason to be happy, it's just so easy to let go. And letting go is the easiest thing to do right now. But I won't. I know i won't. I hope I won't.

I hope this is just for now.